Dr. Paul Conti: How to Understand & Assess Your Mental Health | Huberman Lab Podcast
概要
精神科医生 Paul Conti 与 Huberman 深度探讨心理健康的自我评估框架:自我结构(无意识、意识、防御机制、性格结构)与自我功能(行为倾向、驱力系统),以及焦虑、自信、信念改变、嫉妒、士气低落等核心议题的临床解析。
核心洞察
- 心理健康的终极目标不是"没有症状",而是通过 agency(主体感)和 gratitude(感恩)来生活。 Conti 提出一个完整框架:自我结构(structure of self)和自我功能(function of self)是两根支柱,各含五个"抽屉"可供自我审视,向上汇聚为 empowerment + humility → agency + gratitude → 平静(peace)、满足(contentment)和喜悦(delight)。
- 人类有三种基本驱力:攻击驱力(aggressive drive)、快乐驱力(pleasure drive)和生成驱力(generative drive)。 生成驱力——好奇心、利他、为创造而创造——是健康人格的核心。当攻击或快乐驱力凌驾于生成驱力之上,结果是嫉妒和毁灭;当二者过低,则是士气崩溃(demoralization)。整个框架的数学性令人印象深刻:高层越来越简单,底层才复杂。
- 防御机制(defense mechanisms)是通向自我理解的关键切入口。 Conti 用交通堵塞中的投射(projection)、学术界的"焦虑传导链"(projective identification)、以及自己找不到钥匙引发全办公室焦虑的亲身经历,把抽象概念具象化。不健康的防御——否认、回避、合理化、投射——可以被识别、意识化、并改变。
- 信念和内心叙事像一条"四车道高速公路":走了多年的自我贬低思维不会一夜消失,但可以旁边开辟新路。 Conti 反对10次CBT就能改变深层信念的假设,强调改变需要数月甚至数年,但过程本身就在带来改善。Huberman 朋友减掉80多磅后仍恐惧复胖的案例生动说明了行为改变与信念改变的脱节。
- 贯穿全场的核心线索是"像看待身体健康一样看待心理健康"——Conti 反复用血压、心率、运动类比精神健康的结构与评估,把一个通常被视为玄学的领域拉回了科学和常识的交叉地带。 他的数学背景(数学辅修)让他像写等式一样拆解心理健康:找到 X 标记处,往下挖,一定有答案。
心理健康的北极星:agency + gratitude,不是"没有病"
核心要点: 健康的自我通过 agency 和 gratitude 来面对世界。不管年龄、社会经济地位、种族、宗教如何,真正快乐的人身上都能看到这两个特征——而且当二者同时存在时,"你几乎看不到这个人走偏"。
- Agency 和 gratitude 并非独立存在的情绪,而是"坐落在高度复杂的大脑功能和心理活动之上的奖赏"。它们不是终点,而是健康自我结构和功能运作良好后自然涌现的产物。
- 要抵达 agency 和 gratitude,需要先建立 empowerment(掌控感——在世界中有效运作的能力)和 humility(谦逊——对生命复杂性的敬畏,知道自己是更大生态系统的一部分)。
- Conti 强调身体健康的类比:我们锻炼不是因为"想要低血压"本身,而是因为好的体能让我们能够应对生活中未知的挑战。心理健康完全一样——agency 和 gratitude 不是为了它们本身,而是为了让我们准备好迎接"接下来会发生什么"。
- 没有人追求低血压和低心率本身,就像没有人为了 agency 而追求 agency——这些都是为了以最好的方式在世界中行动。
"Show me someone who's coming at life through agency and gratitude and is not happy with their life, and you'll be showing me something I've never seen before." —— Paul Conti
自我结构(Structure of Self):冰山模型的五个层次
核心要点: 自我结构像一座冰山——95%的无意识活动在水下运转,只有意识之心露出水面,周围包裹着防御机制,再外层是性格结构,最终长出"自我"。
- 无意识之心(unconscious mind):冰山水下的巨大部分。一个"生物超级计算机",每秒运行数百万个电化学信号——生物倾向、习惯化的思维模式、未处理的创伤全部储存于此。我们能进行对话,完全依赖这些水面下的过程。
- 意识之心(conscious mind):冰山露出水面的小部分。它骑在无意识之上运转,让我们在真实世界中有觉知地行动。它是脆弱的——容易受到恐惧、困惑和绝望的攻击。
- 防御机制(defense mechanisms):从冰山水下伸出的"触须",包裹着意识之心,试图保护它免受外界的"投石与箭矢"。这些机制是无意识的——我们自动合理化、自动回避、自动投射,不经选择。
- 性格结构(character structure):所有以上元素之外的一层"巢"。决定了我们如何与世界互动——多信任还是多猜疑、如何用幽默、是否倾向孤立还是结群。Conti 强调性格结构决定的是"倾向性"(predispositions),不是"反应"(dispositions)——这个微妙区别至关重要。
- 自我(self):从性格结构之巢中生长出来的最终产物。自我是结构+功能+所有决策的综合体验。
"Imagine that there's the big part of the iceberg under the water, the unconscious mind. The conscious mind is riding on top of it, but the conscious mind, that part sticking out of the water, is vulnerable." —— Paul Conti
性格结构评估:不是给人贴标签,而是看"行动中的自我"
核心要点: 大多数人熟悉评判别人的性格("这人真好"、"那人是混蛋"),却从未系统审视过自己的性格结构。精神科医生通过探测"自我"来理解其下方的所有组件。
- 性格结构不是通过单一生物标记物测量的,而是通过生活中的行为模式来揭示。就像医生不只测血压,还要问"你每天早上起来做什么"——如果回答是"喝四分之一品脱伏特加",那信息量远超任何化验单。
- Conti 用"倾向性"(predispositions)而非"反应"(dispositions)来描述性格——因为我们比宠物狗复杂得多。Huberman 的斗牛犬 Costello 只有三种状态:睡着、无聊、开心。人类的行为空间无限大,但同样可以映射到有限的几个关键维度上。
- 关键维度举例:孤立 vs. 结群(isolation vs. affiliation)、幽默的使用方式(缓解尴尬 vs. 贬低他人 vs. 自我贬低)、信任程度的默认值。
- 不健康的倾向性案例:创伤后走进一屋子熟人仍感到不安全(信任默认值被创伤重置为过低);"omnipotence defense"——无法识别真实危险(信任默认值过高)。
焦虑:不是"有或没有"的开关,而是自我结构的探针
核心要点: 焦虑是临床切入自我结构的绝佳入口。同样是"走进办公室感到焦虑",背后的原因可能截然不同——要逐层检查无意识、意识、防御机制、性格结构和自我体验。
- Conti 展示了临床评估的具体流程:一个人走进熟人环境却感到焦虑时,他会依次排查——(1) 无意识层:是否天生焦虑水平就高?有无未处理的创伤?(2) 意识层:正在想什么?是否有"不会顺利"的预期思维在制造更多焦虑?(3) 防御机制:是否长期使用回避?问题是否积压了三个月才被承认?(4) 性格结构:焦虑如何影响日常决策——是否迟到、回避社交、工作方式改变?(5) 自我体验:是"我知道这是个问题但我能处理",还是"也许我根本不行了"?
- Huberman 坦言自己天生偏焦虑——早上醒来"齿轮转得比理想状态快一点",直到投入工作后速度才与生活需求匹配。Conti 回应说:适度焦虑保持警觉是健康的(比如倒车时保持小心),但当它开始侵蚀 empowerment 和 humility 时就出了问题。
- 焦虑的过度自我批评不是"谦逊"——"if someone's beating up on themselves, that's not humility, that's being falsely persecutory"。
自信:不是一个整体开关,而是有"状态依赖性"和"现象学"两个维度
核心要点: 当一个人说"我缺乏自信"时,第一个问题是:全面缺乏,还是只在特定领域?第二个问题是:你觉得自己自信的时候,那种自信的内在体验是什么?
- 状态依赖性(state dependence):最常见的模式是"除了恋爱,其他一切都自信"。这说明此人拥有自信的全部"机械装置",只是在一个高情感负载的领域被卡住了。临床上这是好消息——"you have the tools and the machinery that you need, you're confident in so many ways, let's go take a look at why this one is special."
- 现象学(phenomenology):自信的内在体验同样关键。"我自信因为我聪明、能随机应变"——健康。"我自信因为我知道自己比所有人都强"——问题来了,这就进入了自恋的领域。后者可能是"reaction formation"——深层自卑通过表面优越感来防御。
- 全面缺乏自信暗示更深层的问题——可能是早期创伤剥夺了建立自信的基础。而特定领域的缺失则指向更聚焦的治疗方向。
信念与内心叙事:四车道高速公路 vs. 新开辟的小径
核心要点: 根深蒂固的负面自我对话像一条跑了多年的四车道高速公路——不会一夜消失,但旁边可以开辟新路,随着时间推移,新路越走越宽,旧路越来越荒废。
- Conti 提出了一个记忆强化的类比:如果我们随机选一个词重复说500遍,今晚就忘不掉它了。那么一个高情感负载的负面叙事被重复了成千上万遍——当然不会在10次CBT后消失。"It's a guarantee of failure."
- 但改变是可能的——就像开辟新小径。起初新路只有一尺宽,旁边是四车道高速;随着持续努力,新路变成12英尺宽、铺了路面的道路,而旧高速开始长出杂草、路面开裂。
- Huberman 朋友的案例完整说明了行为改变与信念改变的脱节:这位非常成功的科学家减掉了80多磅体重,身体健康大幅改善,但心理上仍"极度恐惧"自己会失控、重回旧习。他做的一切行为都指向健康方向,但"那条四车道高速"——恐惧的内心叙事——还在全速运转。Conti 的分析:要么他有一个"坏事发生→放弃自我照顾6个月"的历史模式(那恐惧就是合理的),要么他只是"好事太好了所以害怕失去"(那就需要强化他已有的健康能力)。无论哪种情况,不去探究就永远不知道恐惧是否有根据。
- 改变的过程本身就在改善生活——不需要等到"四车道高速完全荒废"才算成功。
"It's not hardwired in us. It's just very very strongly reinforced." —— Paul Conti
自我功能(Function of Self):从自我觉知到人生追求的五步阶梯
核心要点: 如果自我结构是"名词"——有什么东西在那里,那么自我功能就是"动词"——这些东西如何运作。功能从自我觉知开始,经过防御机制的运作、注意力分配、行为表现,最终到达人生追求(strivings)。
- 自我觉知(awareness of I):功能的起点。不只是知道"我存在",还要真正意识到"这是我的人生,没有别人在驾驶"。Conti 提到一个患者通过"镜子冥想"来加强自我觉知——注视镜中的自己,培养"有一个我在世界上行走"的意识。
- 防御机制运行(defense mechanisms in action):紧随觉知之后,无意识的防御开始自动运作。杂货店的例子:一个想找伴侣的人,有人向他微笑或搭话,他自动转身走开——连发生了什么都没意识到。回家后有人问"在超市遇到什么人了吗?"——"没有。"因为回避完全发生在无意识层面。
- 注意力(salience):我们每时每刻可以关注数千件事,但只关注了极少数。注意力"两头指"——既指向外部世界(我在关注什么),也指向内部(什么内心叙事最突出)。最有力的案例是那个长途开车的人——以前他开车听音乐,音乐激发好想法,然后他付诸行动;后来他不再听音乐了,开车时间全部被"你不会有出息"的负面叙事占据。这种内心叙事变成如此显著(salient),以至于此人完全看不到任何好的可能性。通过治疗,叙事减弱,音乐回归,好想法重新浮现——"完全改变了他的生活"。
- 行为(behavior):我们的行为常常让自己困惑——想减肥的人每次从超市回来都买了不该买的东西;想换工作的人从不去面试;想找伴侣的人自动避开所有可能。行为是内在状态的外在表达。
- 追求(strivings):功能的终点指向未来——我想要什么?我对自己和世界是否怀有希望?
防御机制详解:投射、位移与投射性认同
核心要点: 防御机制极其复杂——它们不断轮换、组合、此消彼长。但关键的几种可以被识别和改变。Conti 用三个日常场景把抽象概念完全具象化。
- 投射(projection)——"不是我在生气,是你在生气。" 交通堵塞中感到"被围攻"(beleaguered):实际上只有你一个人在生气,交通没有头脑,没有要阻挠你的意图。但你把内心的愤怒投射到了"世界对我有敌意"。这阻止了你去做有建设性的事——比如早点出门、考虑搬近单位。
- 位移(displacement)——"我不敢对真正让我生气的人发火,所以踢了狗。" 愤怒从危险的来源转移到安全的目标。Huberman 提到学术界的"焦虑传导链"(trickle-down anxiety):实验室负责人承受科研压力,然后走遍实验室给研究生和博后布置忙碌的工作、催促根本无法更快推进的实验。
- 投射性认同(projective identification)——Conti 的亲身经历:有段时间他偶尔找不到钥匙,焦虑和紧张开始弥漫,周围的同事也变得焦虑和紧张,然后大家帮他找钥匙——他的情绪需求通过让别人也感受到同样的情绪而得到满足。意识到这一点后的解决方案极其简单:把钥匙每天放在同一个地方。
- 三者的区别:投射——"不是我在生气,是你";位移——"愤怒的对象从真正的来源转到安全的目标";投射性认同——"我的情绪状态传染给了周围人,让他们帮我解决问题"。
- 幽默与讽刺的两面性:幽默作为健康防御——摔倒后开个玩笑,大家和你一起笑而不是笑话你。讽刺(sarcasm)作为攻击工具——Conti 直言"I grew up in central New Jersey, humor is a weapon"。犬儒主义(cynicism)更深——它不是一个动作而是一种世界观,"如果你比某个犬儒基线更开心,就会被贴上'蠢'的标签"。犬儒主义最终导致孤立、不信任,与 agency 和 gratitude 背道而驰。
"Projection... instead of sitting in traffic and saying 'look, maybe I should leave a little bit earlier,' I have this sense of the world around me being hostile because I'm projecting my anger outward." —— Paul Conti
重复强迫:聪明人为何重复犯同一个错误
核心要点: "重复强迫"(repetition compulsion)并非正式术语,关键是理解两种驱动力——不健康的防御机制阵列导致相同结局,以及试图通过重演来"修复"过去创伤。
- Huberman 坦承自己的模式:在职业领域,他的决策"优雅"——识别不对的人就走,100%正确率。但在另一个生活领域,他反复做出明知不好的选择,甚至看着自己在做——"就像坐进一辆你知道会出车祸的车,尽管在生活其他方面连马路都不乱过。"
- Conti 的分析框架极为清晰:"如果一个足够聪明的人在其他所有领域都做出正确的逻辑决策,偏偏在一个领域反复失误——那 X 标记就在那里,往下挖一定有东西。" 概率100%会找到问题所在。
- 两种可能的发现:(1) 一组不健康的防御机制在该领域被激活——否认、回避、合理化、投射等,同样的防御在职业领域完全不出现;(2) 深层无意识动机——创伤驱动的"如果这次能成功,前五次的痛苦就可以消除"的魔法思维。这与边缘系统处理创伤的方式有关——"trauma doesn't care about the clock or the calendar"。
- 五次虐待关系后即将进入第六次的人:不是因为想被伤害,而是试图改写过去。但进入第六次必然需要否认——"如果同样的事发生了五次,同样的模式第六次大概率一样"——一个其他领域能轻松做出的判断,在这里失灵了。
- 解决路径:用职业领域的健康防御模式做"自我榜样"(role model for yourself),把那套运作良好的系统迁移到出问题的领域。
生成驱力(Generative Drive):人类的第三引擎
核心要点: 传统精神分析只识别了两种驱力——攻击驱力和快乐驱力。Conti 认为还有第三种:生成驱力——好奇心、利他、为学习和创造本身的驱动力。这是人类不仅生存而且进步的根本原因。
- 如果人类只有攻击驱力和快乐驱力,就没有价值体系——"一个非常聪明和非常勤奋的人可以建设也可以毁灭"。仅靠这两种驱力,人类物种不可能存活至今。
- 生成驱力的证据:学习本身就是目的、利他行为无法用自利完全解释、人类在不受胁迫时表现出的善良和创造力。"我们建造的比我们摧毁的多——否则我们不会有衣服穿,更不用说坐在这里用技术对话。"
- 三种驱力的理想关系:生成驱力在前方掌舵,攻击和快乐驱力为其服务。 攻击驱力为 agency 提供燃料("我要去做那件事"),快乐驱力引向学习的快感、利他的满足、合理的身体愉悦——都在生成驱力的框架内。
- Huberman 的"晨间学习"仪式完美说明了生成驱力的运作:醒来约30分钟后,他阅读一篇科学论文或书的一章——内容不一定当天用得上,但掌握新知识的深层满足感就像"化学火箭燃料",让他全天充满能量。不做这件事,齿轮照转但失去动力;做了,能量倍增。Conti 回应:这是个人化的"给生成驱力点火"。
- 花园比喻:一个曾经热爱园艺的人因抑郁/创伤/生活变故而停下来。每次望向窗外荒废的园地都感到痛苦。当他通过自我探索重建了 agency 和 gratitude,带着"即使发生了那些事我依然能做这件事"的信念回到园地——翻土、播种、浇灌——然后望向窗外看到自己种的花园,内心体验是夜与日的差别。"那个人看着花园,想着自己克服了什么才创造了它——这就是我们在生活中追求的,不是在山顶悬浮。"
- Ben Barris 对 Huberman 的重新定位:博后时期 Huberman 面对一个强大竞争对手实验室,准备放弃课题。已故导师 Ben Barris 说:"绝对不行——你热爱这些问题。"Barris 本质上在说:不要通过攻击驱力(竞争框架)看这件事,要通过生成驱力(好奇心和热爱)。Huberman 从那之后把"delight"作为做事的指南——从热爱出发的那些年远比从竞争出发的五年更有成果,也更快乐。
"If the generative drive is at the forefront, and that drive then naturally allies with agency and gratitude, then I think we're at the place that is the place we ultimately seek." —— Paul Conti
嫉妒与毁灭:当攻击/快乐驱力凌驾于生成驱力之上
核心要点: 过高的攻击驱力或快乐驱力会压制生成驱力,最终汇聚为嫉妒(envy)——而嫉妒驱动了人类绝大多数的破坏行为。"Envy may not be the root of all evil, but envy plus natural disasters may be."
- 攻击过高的路径:过度自我投射于世界→超出合理范围地从他人处索取→对他人的拥有产生嫉妒→破坏。
- 快乐过高的路径:对快感的追求越来越多→开始觊觎他人的快感→如果得不到就要拉别人下来→破坏。
- 《美国精神病人》案例分析:Christian Bale 饰演的角色展示了攻击凌驾于生成的极端形态——暴力攻击、性攻击、追求财富、自恋。嫉妒在电影后半段充分暴露:有人递来一张更漂亮的名片,他在脑中恨不得杀掉对方——然后真的杀了(以极其暴力和施虐的方式)。"那是攻击凌驾于生成。"无论多少杀戮、性、财富和权力都无法满足他。
- 《华尔街》的"你的数字是多少?"——答案是"更多"(more)。这不只是多巴胺奖赏系统的故事,更是关于嫉妒的故事——嫉妒是一个无底洞。
- 校园枪击案的根源:Conti 直言——"其他人有生活,而那个人觉得自己没有,所以要去夺走别人的。只要人类苦难和大量枪支并存,这种事就会继续发生。"枪手往往也夺走自己的生命——他们觉得自己的生命不值得保留。
- 嫉妒的根源常常是内在的愧疚和羞耻(guilt and shame),但一旦它转向外部——"我觉得自己糟糕,但我嫉妒你"——就驱动了绝大多数的破坏行为。
士气崩溃(Demoralization):当驱力过低时的另一端
核心要点: 与嫉妒对称的另一端是 demoralization——攻击驱力和/或快乐驱力过低,生成驱力同样被压制。Demoralization 不等于抑郁症(depression),后者有可确认的神经化学失衡,前者是一种人类状态,诊断手册里没有编号。
- 攻击驱力过低:无法将自己投射到世界中→感到无力、脆弱、孤立→丧失希望。Conti 称之为"inviting death into life"——不一定是字面的死亡,而是在某个重要领域放弃。案例:几次恋爱失败后发誓不再恋爱的人——明明有对亲密关系的驱力,却做了一个"关闭"的决定。
- 快乐驱力过低:不再寻求任何满足→什么都不做→逐渐萎靡。
- 攻击低+快乐高的组合:这是过度肥胖/不活跃的典型模式。攻击驱力不足以激发 agency → 负面自我叙事("我不值得被照顾"、"没有理由自律")→ 快乐驱力成为唯一安慰出口 → 短期满足(吃一个、再吃一个……反正"我不值得被保留")→ 健康恶化 → agency 更低的恶性循环。
- 群体化应对(affiliation)的两面性:Huberman 分享高中经历——一群成绩不好的学生抱团、试图改变标准来减少被贬低感。好的群体化可以创造正面力量(如民权运动);坏的群体化围绕仇恨和破坏聚集("当社会许可了那种情绪,人们就会放大内心的仇恨")。Conti 直言社会的问题:"our society rushes headlong forward in a way that causes our society to trample people who are vulnerable."
- 这些被边缘化的人如果完全孤立,故事悲剧性地结束(Huberman 提到认识的人自杀了);如果他们和同样被边缘化的人结群但方向走偏——"人们可以围绕非常具有破坏性的东西结盟"(Huberman 提到高中同学毕业后在校园放了炸弹)。
药物的角色:反对过度还原主义,支持"理解优先"
核心要点: 精神科药物可以发挥作用——但作为理解的辅助工具,而不是替代品。当前精神卫生体系的过度还原主义不仅无效,有时还直接伤害患者。
- Huberman 的亲身经历:博后时期压力大到走不上实验楼的楼梯。精神科医生开了西酞普兰(citalopram,低剂量SSRI)。当晚他盯着一盘泰式炒面发呆了两个小时,极度不适,第二天就停了药。最终是谈话治疗和自我照顾让他走了出来。即使作为神经生物学家,他最初也以为"调节一下神经递质系统就能解决"——幸好药物没起效,否则可能延迟了真正的自我探索。
- Conti 的分析:给一个因为职业竞争压力而无法上楼的人开 SSRI——"that's insane"。这是一个自我(self)的问题,不是血清素的问题。但药物在某些场景有合理角色:为双相障碍预防发作(纯生物学角色)、为焦虑水平过高的人"降温"以便能面对创伤、在治疗过程中提供更多痛苦耐受力。关键是"medicine in the service of understanding"。
- 急诊室女性的案例最令人震惊:一位年轻女性三次因失眠和焦虑来到急诊室。第一次给了安眠药→没用。第二次加大剂量→还是没用。第三次,医生的结论是:她在"求药"(drug-seeking)。实际上:她在家里被殴打(she was getting hurt at home),当然无法入睡——但没有人问过"为什么"。Conti 愤怒地指出:这就是过度还原主义的逻辑终点——不问原因,只给药物,药物无效就怪患者。
- 过度还原主义的系统性根源:吞吐量导向的医疗系统 + 短视的商业逻辑 + 还原主义的训练体系。"practioners are often working in impossible situations where the goal is throughput"——Conti 试图不过度批评从业者,但直言体系本身的结构性问题。
"We are so dramatically over-reductionist... the idea that a pill will fix that is insane. Now medicines can help smooth the way... but it's medicine in the service of understanding." —— Paul Conti
附录:关键人/机构/产品/概念
| 项目 | 详情 |
|------|------|
| Dr. Paul Conti | 精神科医生;斯坦福医学院训练→哈佛精神科首席住院医师→创立 Pacific Premier Group;数学辅修 |
| Andrew Huberman | 斯坦福大学神经生物学与眼科学教授;Huberman Lab 播客主持人;30+年接受心理治疗经历 |
| Pacific Premier Group | Conti 创立的精神科和心理治疗团体诊所 |
| Ben Barris | Huberman 的博后导师(已故),在他想放弃课题时重新引导他回到好奇心和热爱 |
| Structure of Self(自我结构)| 五个"抽屉":unconscious mind → conscious mind → defense mechanisms → character structure → self |
| Function of Self(自我功能)| 五个"抽屉":self-awareness → defense mechanisms in action → salience → behavior → strivings |
| Generative Drive(生成驱力)| 除攻击驱力和快乐驱力之外的第三种人类基本驱力,驱动好奇心、利他和创造 |
| Envy(嫉妒)| 当攻击/快乐驱力压制生成驱力时产生,驱动绝大多数人类破坏行为 |
| Demoralization(士气崩溃)| 驱力过低时的状态,不等于抑郁症(depression),诊断手册无编号 |
| Reaction Formation(反向形成)| 防御机制之一——深层自卑通过表面优越感/自信来防御,与自恋相关 |
| Projective Identification(投射性认同)| 防御机制——自身情绪状态传染给周围人,使他们帮助解决你的需求 |
| Agency + Gratitude | 心理健康的终极表达——通过主体感和感恩来积极生活 |
| Peace, Contentment, Delight | 框架的最终目标状态——不是被动状态,而是生成驱力运作时的主动体验 |
| Citalopram(西酞普兰)| Huberman 曾短暂尝试的 SSRI 类抗抑郁药,一剂后停用 |
在这个心理健康系列的四集节目中,Dr. Conti 教我们了解自己头脑的结构,以及如何思考自己的心智来提升心理健康。他解释了我们的潜意识和意识如何互动,驱动我们的情绪、决策和行为。虽然任何关于心理健康的系列都需要不时讨论人格障碍和精神健康挑战,但今天这期以及这个系列全部四集的主要讨论内容,是关于心理健康意味着什么,以及如何通过具体的实践来建设自己的心理健康——无论是独自进行还是与治疗师一起。
今天的节目回答了几个关键问题,同时也提供了一些方案来帮你回答关于自身心理健康的问题。比如,你会了解到什么构成了最健康版本的自己。你会学会评估——确实也会学到——处理焦虑水平、自信水平的方案,如何看待自己的信念和内心叙事,如何看待和重塑自我对话。我们会讨论常见的挑战,比如过度思考。我们会讨论防御机制的角色,以及意识与无意识心智互动的其他方面——它们可以把我们引向或远离最健康的自己。
你会注意到,在今天讨论的前五分钟左右,Dr. Conti 描述了一个他称之为"自我结构"和"自我功能"的框架,并描述了理解这些概念的几个支柱。我想强调的是,虽然我们讨论的这个简短部分确实提出了一些你可能不熟悉的术语——对我来说当然也是新的——但随着对话的推进,你会真正体会到这个框架是多么简洁而有力。它会帮你理解,比如说,意识和潜意识之间的关系,而且是以你确实可以应用到增进心理健康的方式来理解。
除此之外,Dr. Conti 还慷慨地提供了几份 PDF,以图示方式展示了这个框架,完全免费,可以通过节目说明中的链接获取。所以你可以选择下载这些 PDF,在听这四集播客之前、期间或之后查看。
在开始今天的讨论之前,我想强调一下我的感受——我相信这很快也会成为你的感受——Dr. Paul Conti 分享给我们的是极其强大的心理健康提升工具,据我所知从未被公开分享过。作为一个做了超过三十年心理治疗的人,我以前从未接触过如此强大的关于心智结构和潜意识、以及提升心理健康的工具和方案的对话。对我来说,这些信息在重塑我的思维模式、情绪模式和行为模式方面确实是变革性的。我相信你从今天这期以及整个系列中获得的信息,对你也会产生积极的变革。
在我们开始之前,我想强调这个播客与我在 Stanford 的教学和研究角色是分开的。不过它是我为大众提供免费的科学信息和科学相关工具的愿望和努力的一部分。
延续这个主题,我要感谢今天播客的赞助商。我们的第一位赞助商是 BetterHelp。BetterHelp 提供由持证治疗师进行的在线专业治疗。我个人已经做了超过30年的每周心理治疗。虽然最初开始每周治疗并非出于我自愿——实际上是我继续留在高中的要求——但随着时间推移,我真的开始体会到高质量治疗是多么有价值。事实上,我把高质量治疗看得和去健身房或做跑步这样的心血管训练一样重要,是增进身体健康的方式。我把治疗视为提升心理健康的重要途径。
BetterHelp 的优点是它让找到优秀治疗师变得非常容易。一位优秀的治疗师可以定义为:以客观的方式给予你充分支持、与你有良好的互动、能帮你获得你自己无法得出的关键洞察。而且因为 BetterHelp 的治疗完全在线进行,非常方便,很容易融入你的生活。如果你对 BetterHelp 感兴趣,可以访问 betterhelp.com/huberman,首月享受九折优惠。
今天的节目还由 Waking Up 赞助。Waking Up 是一款冥想应用,提供数十种引导冥想课程、正念训练、Yoga Nidra 课程等。现在已有大量数据表明,即使是短暂的每日冥想也能大幅改善我们的情绪、减少焦虑、提高专注力和记忆力。虽然冥想有很多不同的形式,但大多数人发现很难找到并坚持一种对自己最有益的冥想练习。
Waking Up 应用让学习冥想和每天进行冥想练习变得非常容易,而且以对你最有效和高效的方式进行。它包括各种不同时长的冥想类型,以及像 Yoga Nidra 这样的练习,让大脑和身体进入一种类似睡眠的状态,醒来后精神焕发。事实上,关于 Yoga Nidra 的科学研究非常令人印象深刻,显示一次 Yoga Nidra 课程后,大脑某些区域的多巴胺水平可提高多达60%,使身心进入一种增强的准备状态,适合进行脑力和体力工作。
Waking Up 应用还有一个我很喜欢的功能,就是它提供了一个30天的入门课程。对于从未冥想过的人或者重新开始冥想的人来说,这非常好。如果你已经是经验丰富的冥想者,Waking Up 也有更高级的冥想和 Yoga Nidra 课程。如果你想试试 Waking Up 应用,可以访问 wakingup.com/huberman,获得30天免费试用。
现在让我们开始今天的讨论——如何与 Dr. Paul Conti 一起理解和评估你的心理健康水平。
Dr. Paul Conti,欢迎。
Across the four episodes of this series on Mental Health, Dr. Conti teaches us about the structure of our own minds and how to think about our own minds as a way to enhance our mental health. He explains how our subconscious mind and our conscious mind interact to drive our emotions, our decision-making, and our behavior. And while any series about mental health requires that from time to time we discuss personality disorders and psychiatric challenges, the main discussion in today's episode and in fact all four episodes in this series are about what it means to be mentally healthy and how to build one's mental health through specific practices either done alone or with a therapist.
Today's episode addresses several key questions as well as provides protocols for you to address questions about your own mental health. For instance you will learn what constitutes the most mentally healthy version of yourself. You will learn to assess and indeed you will learn protocols for addressing levels of anxiety, levels of your confidence, how to think about your beliefs and internal narratives, how to think about your self-talk and restructure your self-talk. We discuss common challenges such as overthinking. We talk about the role of defense mechanisms and other aspects of the conscious and unconscious mind interactions that can lead us toward or away from the healthiest versions of ourselves.
You'll notice that during the first 5 minutes or so of today's discussion Dr. Conti describes a framework of what he refers to as the structure of self and the function of self and he describes several pillars for understanding what those are. I'd like to highlight that while that short portion of our discussion does bring up a number of terms that are likely to be novel to you, they certainly were novel to me, that as our conversation proceeds you will really come to appreciate just how simple and yet powerful that framework is. It will help you understand for instance the relationship between your conscious mind and your subconscious mind in ways that you can really apply toward enhancing your mental health.
In addition to that Dr. Conti has generously provided a few PDFs which illustrate that framework for you and that are available completely zero cost by going to the links in the show note captions. So you have the option to download those PDFs and to look them over either prior to or during or perhaps after you listen to these four podcast episodes.
As a final note before beginning today's discussion, just want to emphasize my sentiment, which I'm confident will soon be your sentiment as well, which is that Dr. Paul Conti shares with us immensely powerful tools for enhancing mental health that at least to my knowledge have never been shared publicly before. In fact as somebody who has done more than three decades of therapy I've never before been exposed to a conversation about the structure of the mind and the subconscious mind as well as tools and protocols for enhancing mental health as powerful as these. For me the information was absolutely transformative in terms of reshaping my thought patterns, my emotional patterns, and indeed several of my behavioral patterns. And I'm confident that the information that you'll glean from today's episode and throughout the series will be positively transformative for you as well.
Before we begin I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is however part of my desire and effort to bring zero-cost to consumer information about science and science related tools to the general public.
In keeping with that theme I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers professional therapy with a licensed therapist carried out online. I personally have been doing weekly therapy for more than 30 years and while that weekly therapy was initiated not by my own request, it was in fact a requirement for me to uh remain in high school, over time I really came to appreciate just how valuable doing quality therapy is. In fact I look at doing quality therapy much in the same way that I look at going to the gym or doing cardiovascular training such as running as ways to enhance my physical health. I see therapy as a vital way to enhance one's mental health.
The beauty of BetterHelp is that they make it very easy to find an excellent therapist. An excellent therapist can be defined as somebody who is going to be very supportive of you in an objective way, with whom you have excellent rapport with, and who can help you arrive at key insights that you wouldn't have otherwise been able to find. And because BetterHelp therapy is conducted entirely online it's extremely convenient and easy to incorporate into the rest of your life. So if you're interested in BetterHelp go to betterhelp.com/huberman to get 10% off your first month.
Today's episode is also brought to us by Waking Up. Waking Up is a meditation app that offers dozens of guided meditation sessions, mindfulness trainings, Yoga Nidra sessions, and more. By now there's an abundance of data showing that even short daily meditations can greatly improve our mood, reduce anxiety, improve our ability to focus, and can improve our memory. And while there are many different forms of meditation most people find it difficult to find and stick to a meditation practice in a way that is most beneficial for them.
The Waking Up app makes it extremely easy to learn how to meditate and to carry out your daily meditation practice in a way that's going to be most effective and efficient for you. It includes a variety of different types of meditations of different duration as well as things like Yoga Nidra which place the brain and body into a sort of pseudo sleep that allows you to emerge feeling incredibly mentally refreshed. In fact the science around Yoga Nidra is really impressive showing that after a Yoga Nidra session levels of dopamine in certain areas of the brain are enhanced by up to 60% which places the brain and body into a state of enhanced readiness for mental work and for physical work.
Another thing I really like about the Waking Up app is that it provides a 30-day introduction course. So for those of you that have not meditated before or getting back to a meditation practice that's fantastic. Or if you're somebody who's already a skilled and regular meditator Waking Up has more advanced meditations and Yoga Nidra sessions for you as well. If you'd like to try the Waking Up app you can go to wakingup.com/huberman and access a free 30-day trial.
And now for my discussion about how to understand and assess your level of mental health with Dr. Paul Conti.
Dr. Paul Conti, welcome.
所以作为开场,我想做一个类比,一个我认为对大多数人来说更具体的东西——身体健康。虽然医学界并没有定义一个"理想的身体自我",但我们知道有一个被认为健康的血压范围,有一个被认为健康的体重指数范围——虽然这有点争议,取决于肌肉量和体脂率等。但我认为合理地说,健康的人不会因为走上一层楼梯就精疲力竭,能弯腰捡起一个东西而不伤到自己,可能还有一些额外的力量或耐力等。
在身体健康领域,这一切都有相当明确的规范,人们可以遵循一些方案来改善身体健康,我们在播客中已经讲了很多。但说到心理健康和自我的概念,事情对人们来说变得抽象多了。事实上,我认为大多数人——包括我自己——都像是在黑暗中摸索,不确定我们是否是最好版本的自己,不确定我们对自己和周围世界的思考方式是否是最佳的。
所以首先请你告诉我们,什么是健康版本的自我?我们都应该追求什么?你和那些可能是健康的人打过交道,也和那些有各种严重精神病理的人——双相障碍、自恋型、社会病态型——以及介于两者之间的所有类型打过交道。对我和听众来说,什么是健康的自我?我们应该追求什么?
So to start off this question I I want to raise a parallel with something I think for most people is is more concrete which is physical health. You know um while there isn't an ideal physical self that's been defined by the medical community we know for instance that there is a range of blood pressures that are considered healthy, there's a a range of body mass index that's considered healthy although that's a little controversial because it depends on how much muscle how lean people are etc. But you know I think it's reasonable to say that the healthy individual is not going to get exhausted walking up a flight of stairs, that they could bend down and lift an object without hurting themselves, they might even have some additional strength or endurance etc.
Within the physical health domain all of that is fairly well scripted and there are protocols that people can follow to improve their physical health, we've covered many of them on this podcast before. When it comes to mental health and it comes to concepts of the self, things become much more abstract for people. In fact I think most people, including myself, are kind of wandering around in the dark wondering whether or not we are the best versions of ourselves, whether or not we're thinking about ourselves and the world around us in the best best ways.
So to start things off, you tell us, what is the healthy version of self? I mean what what what should we all be aspiring to? You've worked with people who uh presumably are healthy and people who have severe pathologies of different psychiatric types, right, bipolar, narcissistic, sociopathic, uh and everything in between. So for me and for the listeners, what is a healthy self? What should we be striving for?
当一个人同时拥有这两样东西时,有趣的是,你几乎看不到这个人走偏。即使有困难,即使生活中发生了一些让人不快乐的事,这些也不会夺走这个人对生活的投入和热情。如果你看各种理解"人们如何才能快乐"的传统——无论从精神医学、文学还是宗教的视角——那些通过 agency 和 gratitude 的视角来面对生活的人,总是快乐的。
And if we have those two things then it's interesting, you almost never see someone go wrong, right. And even if if there's difficulties, even if there are things happen in life that that can make some unhappiness, right, it doesn't take away the person's engagement in life, the person's enthusiasm for life. And I think if you look at even traditions of understanding how are people happy, whether it's in Psychiatry or it's through literature or through a religious lens, it is always people who approach life through the lens of agency and gratitude.
好的,我们确实可以在心理上处于不健康的状态,但首先让我们看看我们内部发生了什么,当我们健康的时候是什么样子。所以有一个自我的结构(structure of self),有自我的功能(function of self)。当我们观察结构和功能的组成部分时,我们就能理解我们内部在发生什么、我们可以做哪些改善、如何建立掌控感(empowerment)。
掌控感是在周围世界中导航并有效地发挥自我作用的能力。从掌控感中产生了 agency 的感觉——我有 agency,因为我被赋能了。同时,从健康的自我结构和自我功能中,我们也获得了谦逊(humility)。我们通过这个过程得到了一种对自己在世界中位置的感知——我们有能力按自己的选择导航,但同时也意识到周围的世界比我们自身复杂得多,延伸到他人、气候、整个地球的健康。
我们感受到一种谦逊——我在这里,我可以做好事,我很幸运能在这里,我是这个更大生态系统的一部分,一直延伸到地球生态系统的尺度。如果我们感受到这种谦逊,我们就会通过 gratitude 的视角来面对世界。所以这个理念是:健康的自我结构和自我功能带来掌控感和谦逊,在此之上我们被注入了 agency 和 gratitude,引领我们走向快乐的生活。
And the idea that okay there are ways in which we can be mentally unhealthy, right, but to start with like what is going on inside of us, right, and what does it look like when we're healthy. So there's a structure of the self, right. There's function of the self. And we we look at the structure and the function and the parts, the components of structure and function, we can come to understand okay what is going on in us, what might we change for the better, how do we build empowerment, right.
Empowerment is is the the the ability to navigate the world around us and to bring myself to bear in ways that are effective. And from empowerment arises the sense of agency, right. I have agency because I am empowered, right. And also from a healthy structure of self and function of self we end up with humility, right. We come through that with a sense of our our place in the world and our power in the world to to navigate as we choose, but also a sense of the world around us that's far more complicated, right, than just we are, extends beyond us to other people, to the climate around us, to the health of the whole planet, right.
We we feel a sense of humility that I'm here and I can do good things, I'm fortunate to be here and I'm part of this bigger ecosystem, right, all the way up to the scale of the ecosystem of Earth, right. And if we feel that humility then we approach the world through the lens of gratitude. So the idea that a healthy structure of self and a healthy function of self leads to empowerment and humility and then upon that we are we are sort of imbued with agency and gratitude and that leads us forth to happy lives.
我的意思是,我们应该追求什么?Agency 和 gratitude。是的。我们听过无数播客——包括这个播客——谈论身体健康。医生和其他人都告诉我们应该追求相对低的血压、相对低的心率、某个水平的胆固醇等等。所以在身体健康领域,有关于我们都应该追求什么的强而清晰的信息。
而以类似于我们现在讨论心理学中的自我的方式,我觉得没有人追求低血压或低心率是因为他们想要低血压本身。他们想要这些,加上一定的耐力、能提起物体的力量等。因为这些健康指标让他们以最好的方式在世界中行动。换句话说,有一定的耐力让你能走下街区,甚至更远,或者走上好几层楼。有一定的力量让你能拿起物品,有效地在生活中行动。
你告诉我们,拥有 agency 和 gratitude,而 agency 和 gratitude 由掌控感和谦逊支撑,这是穿越人生的最佳方式——最有效、最快乐的方式。那么我想我们必须问自己和问身体健康一样的问题:是什么创造了 agency、gratitude、掌控感和谦逊?行动步骤是什么?因为如果我想要更多耐力,我知道去骑健身车或上跑步机或出去跑步。如果我想变得更强壮,我就举起难以举起的东西,直到它们变得容易。在身体健康领域,这一切都很直接。
但在心理健康领域,在心理学领域,确实变得更抽象了。我认为部分原因是从没有人告诉过我们——当然从没有人告诉过我——你真正需要的是 agency 和 gratitude 来拥有最好的生活。所以我非常感激你告诉我们这些。我很想让你告诉我们,创造我们所说的 agency、gratitude、掌控感和谦逊的行动步骤是什么。
I mean what should we be seeking? Agency and gratitude. Yes. You know we've heard endless number of podcasts, including this podcast, about physical health. And we've been told by physicians and everybody else that you know we should seek to have a relatively low blood pressure, we should seek to have a relatively low heart rate, that cholesterol should be at a certain level, etc. So within the physical health domain you know there are strong clear messages about what we should all be striving toward.
And in a similar way to how we're discussing the self in psychology, you know I don't think anyone seeks to have low blood pressure or low heart rate because that's what they want per se. They want those things along with some capacity for endurance, the ability to to you know lift an object, so some strength, etc. Because of the way that those metrics of health allow them to move through the world in the best possible way. In other words having some degree of endurance allows you to walk down the block, maybe a lot further, or to walk up several flights of stairs. Or to have some strength allows you to pick up objects and effectively move through life, right.
You're telling us that having a sense of agency and gratitude, and that agency and gratitude are undergirded by empowerment and humility, and that's the best way to move through life, the most effective, happiest if you will, way to move through life. Well then I think we have to ask ourselves the same thing we would ask about physical fitness, which is what goes into creating a sense of agency and gratitude, empowerment and humility. You know what are the action steps? Because if I want more endurance I know to get on an exercise bike or or a treadmill or go out for a run a few times a week or more. If I want to get stronger I'm going to lift objects that are difficult to lift until they're easier to lift. I mean it's all pretty straightforward in the physical domain.
But in the in the mental health domain, in the psychological domain, it does become a bit more abstract I think in part because no one's ever told us, certainly no one's ever told me, what you really need is agency and gratitude in order to have the best possible life. So I very much appreciate that you're telling us this. And I'd love for you to tell us what are the action steps that go into creating these things that we're calling agency, gratitude, empowerment, and humility.
但归根结底,我们照顾自己的身体是因为我们不知道生活接下来会发生什么,我们想为此做好准备——好的、坏的,一切。心理健康也完全一样。我可以对某件事感到感恩,可以感恩我现在还在呼吸。我可以行使 agency,拿起杯子喝一口水。但这并不意味着我在通过 agency 和 gratitude 的视角生活。
这与所有观点一致——从心理学、文学、社会学和心理学的视角看,agency 和 gratitude 创造幸福。它们是面对生活的方式。就像身体健康由心血管健康、心脏健康、肌肉力量支撑一样,agency 和 gratitude 也有其支撑。掌控感和谦逊是描述从理解自己、照顾自己中产生什么的方式,然后给我们 agency 和 gratitude。
所以我们有掌控感,有谦逊,但这一切从何而来?就像我们需要理解身体以及如何让身体健康一样,我们也需要理解心智——想要变得更健康的那个自我。这需要通过理解自我的结构来实现。我们通过神经生物学和精神医学的视角,有足够的科学来理解自我的结构和功能——我们是如何运作的,我们如何与世界互动。
所以这实际上并不比身体健康更复杂,只是我们没有这样阐述。我们从病理学的视角来看——什么出了问题、谁有什么诊断——我们在寻找问题,而不是说"当我们快乐时是什么样子",然后深入挖掘其中的机制。如果你身体非常健康,但心率稍微加快就感到极度疲劳,我们会说"你做了很多正确的事,但让我们更多关注你的心脏"。我们会去看具体的问题,因为这就是我们理解的方式。
但我们就是不把同样的科学、逻辑和常识应用到心理健康上。但现在是时候改变了,因为我们有这样做的知识和能力。
But ultimately we take care of ourselves physically because we don't know what's coming next in life and we want to be prepared for it, good, bad, and otherwise, right. And the same thing is true of mental health. So I can feel grateful for something, I can feel grateful that I'm still breathing right now, right. I can exercise agency, I can pick up that cup and take a drink, right. But that doesn't mean that I'm living life through the lens of agency and gratitude.
Which is consistent with every opinion if you look psychologically, through the lens of literature, through the lens of sociology and psychology, agency and gratitude make happiness, right. They're ways of approaching life. And just like physical health is undergirded by uh by cardiovascular health, heart health, muscle strength, right, that there's an undergirding of agency and gratitude. And empowerment and humility are ways of describing okay what arises, right, from understanding ourselves, taking care of ourselves, that then gives us the agency and gratitude.
So we have empowerment, we have humility, but where does it all come from, right? So just like we have to understand the physical body and what to do to it in order to be healthy, right, we also have to understand the mind, right, the self that wants to be healthier. And that comes through understanding the structure of the self. And we have enough science through the lens of neurobiology and Psychiatry to understand the structure of self and then the function of self, right, how we work, right, how we interface with the world.
So it's actually not more complicated than physical health, it's just that we don't spell it out that way, right. We come at it through the lens of pathology, of what's wrong and who has some diagnosis, and you know we're looking for the problematic instead of saying like what do we look like when we're happy, right, and then going and digging down into the mechanics of it all, right. And if we're not in that state, right, to go and look at that and to make changes. Just as if you were very very physically healthy, right, but you know your heart rate couldn't go up that much without you feeling very very fatigued, we'd say well look you're doing a lot of the right things, right, but let's work more on on your heart, right. We would go look at the specifics of it because that's how we understand it.
And we just don't apply the same science, logic, common sense to mental health as we do to physical health. But it's time for that to change because we have the knowledge and ability to do just that.
在创造健康的心理自我方面,似乎有很多平行之处。那么我和其他人应该在理解方面关注哪些核心组成部分?我想他描述的是自我的结构和自我的功能。再做个类比,如果我们谈论身体健康,我们会说神经和肌肉之间有连接使我们能移动肢体。施加一定的阻力就会产生一定的适应——神经肌肉连接变强,肌肉可能变大或只是变强等。柔韧性也是,你只要把活动范围稍微推入不适区,每天几分钟,持续大约一周,就能获得显著的柔韧性提高。
好的,在身体领域一切都很清晰。在心理领域,我听到你告诉我们,为了通过实现 agency 和 gratitude 成为最快乐版本的自己,我们所有人应该采取的行动步骤是探索自我的结构和功能。那么你能告诉我们什么是自我的结构吗?是什么让 Andrew 成为 Andrew、Paul 成为 Paul、听众成为他们自己?那是什么?自我的功能又是什么?精神科医生如何看待这些?我们应该如何看待?
It sounds to me like there are a lot of parallels in creating the healthy psychological self. So what are the core components that I and others should think about in terms of understanding? I think he described them as the structure of the self and the functions of the self. Again just to draw a parallel, if we were talking about physical health we'd say okay there's connections between nerves and muscle that allows us to move our limbs. If you apply a certain amount of resistance you get a certain adaptation, which is the the neuromuscular connection gets stronger, the muscle might get bigger or just stronger etc. Flexibility, you know you just push your range of motion just a little bit into discomfort, you do that, we it so happens to be the case that you do that for just a couple of minutes each day over the course of about a week or so, you get a significant increase in flexibility.
Okay so it's all very clear in the physical domain. In the psychological domain I hear you telling us that the action steps that we all should be taking in order to be the happiest version of ourselves by achieving agency and gratitude is to explore the structure of self and the function of self. So if you could tell us about what is the structure of self, like what goes into Andrew being Andrew and Paul being Paul and whoever the listener is into being who they are. What is that? And what is the function of self? How how does a psychiatrist think about that? How should we think about that?
但当我们往上走,假设你和我都做了正确的事,那会怎样?我们都有耐力,都有力量,都是强健的。事情变得更简单了。因为我们正在接近每个人身上共通的东西。比如身体健康中的耐力和体力,心理健康中的 agency 和 gratitude。
所以当我们去看自我的结构和功能时,我们发现有更多的复杂性,但它是可以理解的。身体中有巨大的复杂性,心智中也是如此。我们可以理解什么是自我的结构、什么是自我的功能,我们可以用评估身体健康参数的方式来看待和评估它们,从而到达我们想要到达的地方——无论是耐力还是 agency 或 gratitude。
那么自我的结构。我们都有一个无意识之心(unconscious mind)。我们对这个部分关注太少了——它真的是一台生物超级计算机。每一瞬间都有数百万件事在运行。比如我能说出这些话,你能听这些话,你能回应而我能听——水面之下有数百万件事在运行,其中很多来自生物倾向,或者随时间形成的习惯——思维过程、模式。
这个无意识之心、这台超级计算机,以光速运行着所有这些东西。有电化学信号、多条路径,像超级高速公路系统一样复杂,然后被整合并相互通信。从这一切中上升的是意识之心(conscious mind)。
想象一座冰山,一座非常大的冰山。我们看到水面以上的部分——那是意识之心。但这座冰山有巨大的部分,可能95%在水下。那是我们看不到的庞大质体。那就是无意识之心。它向上供给意识之心,而意识之心是我们大脑功能中小得多的部分,但它是我们有所觉知的部分。它坐在所有那些极其重要的无意识活动之上,然后我们变得有觉知,这样我们才能在真实世界中行动。为了让我们进行这次对话,每秒数百万件事必须在水面下运转,这样你和我作为有意识的"我"——有意识的自我——才能驾驭在其上。这就是冰山水面以上的部分——有意识的自我。
然后想象意识自我被一组从水下延伸出来的长"触须"所护卫。那就是无意识的防御机制——它们围绕着意识之心。我们是否自动合理化?是否自动回避?是否自动发泄?这些东西存在于我们身上,我们可以观察和改变它们,但它们的存在是为了保护意识之心不受外界的攻击。
所以想象一下:冰山的大部分在水下——无意识之心;意识之心骑在上面,但意识之心——水面以上的那部分——是脆弱的。想象有一个防御结构从冰山水下部分升起来,保卫和保护意识之心。
As we get higher up, let's say you and I both do the right things, right, then what happens? We both have endurance, right, we both have some strength, we're both robust, right. Things are getting simpler because we're we're we're approaching the unique idiosyncrasies in all of us, right. And we have to look at that and look at that in a very specific way. But what we're trying to get to is is something that's common for all of us. So stamina for example in physical health and endurance, right, and agency and gratitude in mental health, right.
So then if we go and we look and we look at the structure of the self and the function of self we find that there's more complexity but that it is also understandable. I mean there's tremendous complexity in the body just as there's tremendous complexity in the mind. And we can understand what is the structure of self, what is the function of self, and we can look at that and assess that in the same way we would physical health parameters so that we arrive at the place we want to be, be it endurance or agency or gratitude.
So structure of self, right. We all have an unconscious mind, right. And we pay so little attention to this part of us that really is the biological supercomputer, right. So millions of things are going on all the time, like in every split second. So for example I can say these words, right, you can listen to the words, you can say things back and I can listen, right. There are millions and millions of things going on under the surface, much of which comes from either biological predispositions, right, or habits over time, right, thought processes, patterns, right.
So this unconscious mind, this supercomputer, is doing all of these things like you know at the speed of light, right. There are electrical and chemical signals and you know multiple pathways, as complicated as superhighway systems, that then get consolidated and communicate with others, right. And then what comes up from all of that is the conscious mind.
So imagine an iceberg, right. And it's a really really big iceberg, right. And and we see the part above the surface, right, that's the conscious mind, right. But there's a huge part of this iceberg, maybe 95% of it, that's underneath the water, right. That there's this hulking mass that we don't see. That's the unconscious mind, right. And it's feeding up to the conscious mind which is a much smaller part of our brain function, right. But it's the part that we're aware of, right. It's sitting on top of all the unconscious things which are extremely important, but then we become aware so that we can engage in the real world. In order for us to have this conversation the millions of things per second have to be going on underneath the surface so that you and I as conscious I's, right, as conscious selves, can ride along on top of it. So that's the part of the iceberg that's above the water, it's the conscious self.
Then imagine that the conscious self is girded by by uh a a set of um you know long uh tendrils that come out from under the water, right. That there are defense mechanisms that are unconscious to us that sort of gird the conscious mind. So do we rationalize automatically? Do we avoid automatically? Do we act out automatically? Are these things in us in ways that we can observe and change but that are there to try and protect the conscious mind from the the slings and arrows of the world around us, right.
So if you imagine there's the big part of the iceberg under the water, the unconscious mind. The conscious mind is riding on top of it, but the conscious mind, that part sticking out of the water, is vulnerable, right. So imagine that there's a defensive structure then that arises from the part of the iceberg that's underwater that is there to defend and protect the conscious mind.
所以当你说这些防御机制是为了保护我们免受某种觉知时,我们在试图避免什么样的觉知?
So when you say that these defenses are there to protect us from some sort of awareness, what awareness are we trying to avoid?
如果我们失去他人,或者开始看到周围世界发生我们不喜欢的事情,我们可能感到极度脆弱和绝望。我们开始担心:我们居住的星球会怎样?会有战争吗?我住的地方安全吗?我的孩子安全吗?有太多需要保护自己免受的东西。
所以我们脆弱的部分——冰山露出水面的部分——需要一个防御结构来保护它免受恐惧、困惑和绝望的侵害。因为意识之心带着防御结构露出水面,它就是我们创建性格结构(character structure)的原材料。
性格结构是所有这些的总和——水下部分、水上部分、防御结构。想象一个"巢"包裹着所有这些——那就是我们用来与世界互动的性格结构。性格结构就像你使用的东西。就像你开车去某个地方,车是你使用的工具。性格结构是我们用来与世界互动的工具。
比如:我有多信任人还是多疑?我多容易交朋友?我沮丧时多容易发泄?我多容易说出负面的话,还是把它憋在心里?如果事情不顺利,我是否合理化,是否想假装没事以逃避面对?我多大程度上回避周围世界的问题?我多大程度上践行利他主义?
这些都是我们与周围世界互动的方式,决定了我们的自我。想象自我从这个巢——这个与世界互动的性格结构和我们做出的决定——中生长出来。如果我们的性格结构是我们与世界互动的工具,那么我们就在将内在的东西付诸实践——通过无意识之心、意识之心和防御机制所决定的一切。
有一个特定的"我们"以特定的方式面对世界。如果我们更多或更少地信任、更多或更少地回避、更多或更少地合理化——这些因素决定了我们的生活走向。因为在所有这些之上,想象性格结构的巢从中长出自我。自我是内在感受、我们了解和不了解的关于自己的东西、以及所有这些导致的决定的产物。
所以我可能选择更加信任,这可能带来我本不会有的机会。我也可能选择更加信任,这可能带来我本不会有的风险。所以我们要尽可能健康、尽可能了解自己和周围世界,这样我们才能安全地拥有一个健康的性格结构,通过它以审慎的态度与世界互动——承担合理的风险。不要太少以至于封闭自己陷入绝望,也不要太多以至于可怕的事情发生然后陷入恐惧。
但理念是,如果我们充分了解自己,性格结构就是健康的——因为它建立在健康的自我结构和功能之上。从中产生掌控感和谦逊,然后带领我们走向 agency 和 gratitude。这里的理念是:我们创建的性格结构可以以对我们和世界都好的方式与世界互动,让我们在内部和外部都活得更加和谐。
We can feel tremendously vulnerable and despairing if we lose others, or you know we start to see things happening in the world around us that that that we don't like, right. We start to feel like what will happen to the planet we live on, where there'll be war, where I live, will my children be safe, right. There's so much that we need to protect ourselves against.
So that vulnerable part of of us, right, the part of the iceberg sticking out above the water, needs a defensive structure around it to protect it against the vulnerability of fear, confusion, despair, right. And because the conscious mind is is sticking out of the water with a defensive structure around it, right, it is the the raw material from which we create our character structure.
So the character structure is all of that, the part under the water, the part above the water, the defensive structure. So imagine like a nest around all of that and that's the character structure that we utilize to interface with the world, right. So the character structure is it's like the thing that I'm using, right. It's like if you're driving somewhere in a car, right, the car is the thing that you're using to go there, right. The character structure is the thing that we're using to interface with the world.
So for example how trusting am I versus suspicious, right? How readily do I come to make friends with people, right? How uh how much do I act out if I'm frustrated, right? How much do I um you know exclaim something negative, right, as opposed to holding it inside of me? How much do I rationalize if something isn't going well, do I want to look at it and maybe see that it is so that I don't have to face it, right? How much do I avoid problems in the world around me? How much do I exercise altruism, right?
These are all the ways in which we're engaging with the world around us and this determines the self. Imagine that the self then grows out of this nest, from the the character structure that we use to interface with the world and the decisions that we make. So if our character structure is, it's the thing through which we engage with the world, then we're enacting, right, what is inside of us, right, what we've determined through our unconscious mind, our conscious mind, our defense mechanisms.
There's a certain us that that comes at the world in a certain way. And if we're more or less trusting, more or less avoidant, we rationalize more or less, these are the factors that determine like where do where do our lives go, right. Because on top of all of this, imagine that the nest of the character structure around all of this grows from it the self, right. The product of the feelings inside, the things that we know about ourselves and don't know about ourselves, the decisions that all of it leads to.
So I may choose to be for example more trusting and that may bring an opportunity to me that I wouldn't have otherwise had, right. I may choose to be more trusting and it may bring risk to me that I wouldn't otherwise have had. So we want to be as healthy as we can, as knowledgeable of ourselves and the world around us, so that it's safe for us to have a healthy character structure through which we can engage in the world around us with a sense of prudence, right. Taking reasonable risks, right. Not too little so that we shut ourselves down and maybe end up despairing. Not so much that that scary things can happen to us and we end up fearful, right.
But the idea that if we know ourselves well the character structure is healthy, right, because it's built upon a structure of self and a function of self that are healthy. And out of it is coming empowerment, right, and empowerment and humility, right, that then lead us to agency and gratitude, right. The idea here is that this is the character structure that we create that can then interface with the world in a way that's good for us and good for the world around us, that leads us to be able to live in much more harmony inside of ourselves and outside of ourselves.
但你描述性格结构的方式,在我听来像是一组情境化的行为倾向(dispositions)。我不想添加不必要的复杂术语,但听起来就像是一堆行为倾向。比如我走进办公室,周围都是认识的人、熟悉的面孔,如果我信任这些人,就没有理由保持警惕。但如果我在夜晚走在一条陌生的街道上,开始感觉这个街区可能不太安全,那保持相对高度警觉就很合理。
所以在不同条件下有不同的行为倾向。我忍不住要提到我的斗牛犬 Costello,它基本上只有三种状态:睡觉。说正经的,第二种是有点无聊——斗牛犬那张脸就是一副无聊的样子。要么就是你给它喜欢的东西,或者我们做它喜欢的事情时,它会开心。据我所知,它基本上就这三种状态。
我觉得我们之所以这么喜欢狗,或者说很多人这么喜欢狗,是因为它们的反应非常可预测。带它去公园,它就开心——除非那天碰巧生病了,但那很少见。喂它,它就开心。不会出现"我不喜欢这顿饭"或"我不喜欢这个公园"或"这个人闻起来不太好"之类的。就是这么简单。
但人就非常复杂了。我可以审视自己,然后问:我的性格结构是什么?性格结构包括我喜欢的某些东西、讨厌的某些东西、真正让我烦躁的某些东西、还有某些环境和人会让我感到轻松愉快。
那么,健康的性格结构是不是就是行为倾向完美匹配情境的状态?我不知道谁能做到那样,但那是否算是一种理想状态?就像我们大概可以得出一个理想的体能水平一样——有些人想跑超级马拉松,100 英里甚至更长;有些人想跑马拉松;像我这样的人并不真正想跑马拉松,但我希望在需要的时候能跑一英里而不会精疲力竭或受伤。
所以当我们审视自己的性格结构时,我们是在问自己关于情境驱动的行为倾向的问题吗?我们该怎么开始评估这些?
But the way you describe character structure sounds to me like an array of contextual dispositions. I don't want to add unnecessarily um complex language, but it sounds to me like a bunch of dispositions. Like like if I'm walking into the office where I know everybody and I see familiar faces, there's no reason for me to be on guard if I trust those people. But if I'm walking down a a street at night that I'm not familiar with and and I'm starting to get the sense that you know this neighborhood might not be the best, it makes sense for me to be on relatively high alert.
So different dispositions depending on different conditions. I can't help but mention my uh Bulldog Costello who had basically three dispositions. It was asleep. But in all seriousness the second one was um kind of bored, the Bulldog face is kind of bored. Or if something was given to him that he liked or if we were doing something he liked, delight. He basically had three dispositions as far as I could tell.
Um I think one of the reasons we like dogs so much or that many of us like dogs so much is that their decisions are very predictable. Take him to the park, he's happy, unless he happened to be ill that day, which was rare. Um you know feed him, he's happy, right. There wasn't a lot of uh I don't like this particular meal or I don't like this particular park or this being doesn't smell so good to me, you know. There's a, it was so simple.
And and yet people are very complex, right. I I I can look at myself and say okay what like what is my character structure. Character structure is certain things I like, certain things I dislike, certain things really irritate me, certain environments and people I just lighten.
Okay so is the definition of a healthy character structure one in which the dispositions match the context perfectly? I mean I don't know how any of us could be like that but is is that sort of the ideal, much in the same way that um you know we could probably arrive at at an ideal degree of stamina that one could have? I mean some people want to run ultramarathons, you know 100 miles or more, some people want to run a marathon, some people like me don't really desire to run a marathon but I want to be able to run a mile if I need to without being completely exhausted and injured.
So you know when we when we ask ourselves about character structure, are we asking ourselves about context driven dispositions and you know how do we start to evaluate that for ourselves?
当情境不同时,你有不同的预倾向。如果情境可能带来不安全,你就相应地以不安全的方式回应。但那些预倾向确实可能处于不健康的状态。比如你可能以某种方式经历过创伤,或者因为先前的经历——你自己可能不会把那些经历定义为创伤——但在你内心深处存在一种不信任的预倾向。你可能走进一个全是你认识的人、从未伤害过你的人的房间,但仍然感到不安全。这种情况在创伤之后最常见,但也有其他途径让人的预倾向变得不健康。
反过来也一样。有些人有过度的所谓"全能防御"(omnipotence defense),然后在危险就在身边时却无法识别。所以性格结构——那个围绕防御结构和意识心智(坐在冰山顶上,无意识心智在水下)的巢——就是通过一整套预倾向与世界互动的东西。
You have a different predisposition when the context is different, right. So if the context could bring a lack of safety then you respond accordingly with a lack of safety, right. But but it's possible, certainly those predispositions can be in unhealthy places, right. So for example you might have been traumatized in a certain way or you might approach the world in a certain way because of prior experience that you may not register as trauma. But it may be that within you is a predisposition to be mistrustful. So you could walk into a room of people that you know, of people who've never met you any harm, and still feel unsafe, right. Now this happens most often after trauma but there are other ways people can get to that where the predisposition isn't so healthy.
The converse is true too, right. There are people who can have too much of what's called an omnipotence defense and then they don't recognize danger when danger is around them. So the idea, the character structure, that nest, right, that's built around the defensive structure and the conscious mind that's sitting on top of the part of the iceberg, the unconscious mind, underwater, right, it's that nest that is interfacing with the world through a whole whole set of predispositions.
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我想大多数人都熟悉评估和给他人的性格结构命名这件事——至少对我们大多数人来说,我们这样做时没有任何专业训练或权威。我们会说那个人很棒、超级好;那个人是混蛋、很奇怪之类的。但我认为我们中很少有人熟悉评估自己的性格结构。我猜想,当某人来找你这位精神科医生或心理学家时,你会问一些问题、听一些叙述,这些开始向临床医生揭示性格结构,进而可能揭示一些可能的防御机制,以及那个人的无意识心智和意识心智的结构——那些他们自己并不自觉但对临床医生来说很清楚的东西。
就像某人去看医生说"我感觉不太好",医生会开始用问题来探查,或者用听诊器听他们的呼吸、心跳。这些是探测手段,而精神科医生或心理学家则用语言和对话来探测。
那么,我们自己能意识到性格结构的哪些方面呢?换句话说,我们应该问自己"在某种情境下我有什么类型的性格"这样的问题吗?我们应该问自己有哪些防御机制吗?也许这是一个好机会来讨论一下健康防御和不健康防御的区别,因为在我看来——如果我理解正确的话——防御机制在决定我们的性格结构方面是一个非常强的组成部分。
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I think most of us are familiar with assessing and assigning names to the character structures of others, and at least for most of us we do that with no professional training or authority, right. We say that person is great, they're super nice, person's a jerk, they're like weird, you know, etc. I think very few of us are familiar with assessing our own character structure, right. Right. And I have to presume that some of what happens when somebody comes to you as a psychiatrist or to a psychologist is that certain questions are asked and certain narratives are told that start to reveal to the clinician the character structure and perhaps from there some of the possible defense mechanisms and uh you know structure of the person's unconscious mind and conscious mind that obviously are unaware to them but would be clear to the clinician.
Much in the same way that if somebody goes into the doctor and says you know I don't feel well, they're going to start probing with questions or they're going to put you know, take a take a listen to their breathing, listen to their heart, right. I mean get out the stethoscope and figure it out. These are the probes, whereas the psychiatrist or psychologist uses words and language to probe. Yes.
So what are the sorts of aspects of character structure that we can be aware of in ourselves? You know, in other words, um should we be asking what type of character do I have, dependent on one circumstance or another? Um should we ask ourselves what sorts of defenses we have? And maybe this would be a good opportunity to um address this issue of what are healthy versus unhealthy defenses, um because it sounds to me, if I understand correctly, that the defense mechanisms are a very strong component in determining what our character structure is.
比如隔离(isolation)与联结(affiliation)。一个人倾向于融入群体,还是倾向于避免群体,以更独立的方式思考、做事、处理人生?这只是一个元素,不做价值判断,因为在光谱的两端都可能好或坏。我们只是在说这些因素是什么:我更倾向于联结还是倾向于隔离和独立?这只是一个例子。
另一个例子是幽默的使用。一个人使用幽默吗?以什么方式使用?是用幽默来转移不适和负面情境吗?是用幽默来贬低他人或贬低自己?还是根本不使用幽默?这些都是性格结构的方面,多年来大量研究都在确定什么是最突出的——在这个我们用来与周围世界互动、自我从中生长出来的东西中。
So so one example would be isolation versus affiliation, right. So does a person tend to group with others, right, or does the person tend to avoid grouping, right, and and go about uh thoughts, tasks, approaches to life in a in a more singular manner, right. So it's just one element, not making value judgments about it cuz it can be good or bad on either end of the spectrum, right. So we're just saying what are the factors. So am I more affiliative or do I tend to isolate and be more singular? That's just one example, right.
Another example could be things like for example use of humor, right. Uh does a person use humor and in what way, right? Does a person use humor to deflect uh discomfort in negative situations? Does a person use humor in order to belittle others or to belittle themselves? Or does a person not use humor, right? So there are these aspects of character structure and so much research has been done on this over the years to determine what is most salient, right, in this this thing that we use in order to interface with the world around us, up out of which grows our self.
如果我理解正确的话,性格结构更适合通过探索一个人所从事的行为状态来揭示——隔离与参与——而不是通过读取某个特定的生物标志物。性格结构是在行动中被展现出来的?
我立刻想到那些电影和书籍,我们通过观察一个人与他人互动的方式学到了很多关于他的信息。比如在无数电影中,仅仅因为第一场戏里主角对一个别车的人的反应——他们直接爆发了——我们从此就认为这个人是冲动型的,除非有大量的后续素材来修正这个印象。但正是在爆发和咒骂的行为中,而不是如果他们只是笑笑了事,或者自嘲一下,或者把责任推给车里其他人。
所以这些就是像你这样的临床医生在倾听时注意的东西吗?当某人说"我感觉不太好",你说"跟我说说最近怎么回事",他们开始描述生活中的事情——你是在寻找那些防御机制开始暴露自己、性格结构开始通过这些行为步骤展现出来的地方吗?
If I understand correctly, the character structure is better revealed by exploring the action states that somebody engages in, isolation versus engagement, um as opposed to a read of one specific biomarker. Um it's character structure brought to life, right? Yes.
Immediately I'm thinking about movies and books where we learn so much about somebody through observing the way that they interact with people in in very um very potent ways. So for instance I can think of countless movies where you learn a ton about somebody in the first scene simply because of the way they react to somebody who you know cuts them off in traffic, they just explode. Okay well then we think of that person as reactive from that point on unless there's a significant amount of material to revise that. But it's in the action of of of getting explosive and cursing etc. as opposed to if they just kind of like laugh it off or laugh at themselves or blame someone within their own vehicle or something like that.
So are those the sorts of things that a clinician like yourself is listening for when somebody says you know I don't feel well and you say well tell me about what's going on lately and they start describing what's going on in their life? And are you listening for those places where the defense mechanisms start to reveal themselves, the character structure starts to reveal itself through these action steps that the person seems to be taking?
为了理解这些——用身体健康的类比——如果你来说"我感觉不好",我们可能会做很多检查。做 MRI 或 CT,或者用听诊器听你体内的声音。这些可以说是无意识的东西——你不知道影像可能显示什么,血液检测可能显示什么,或者有人把听诊器放在你身上时你的肺听起来怎样。
所以如果一个临床医生试图理解和帮助某人,就确实想要寻找那些东西。你想寻找表面之下、但可能非常非常重要的东西。你也想看到表面上的一切。如果你在与某人互动,你是在与自我互动——从性格结构之巢中生长出来的自我。通过与自我互动并尽力理解它,你就能了解到它下面是什么。
然后我可能会了解到——你在某些情境中如何反应?就像我可以问你问题——你什么时候感觉不好?你在问一个人问题,因为目的是理解性格结构的各个要素。你在某些情境中如何反应?你内心发生了什么?你对自己了解什么、不了解什么?你如何把自己带入到周围世界中?
所以有一个相似的过程在进行,但这里我们试图理解的是自我。对自我的理解可以帮助我们理解自我之下的组成部分,因为那才是我们要去改善的地方。
理念是不应该有什么神秘——至少不会比身体健康中的神秘更多。有时候一个人来了,确实感觉很不好,该做的所有检查都做了——实验室检测、体格检查、病史、影像——但你就是找不到原因。有时候这确实会发生,但非常罕见。心理健康也应该如此:如果我们在检查一个自我,寻找自我产生的那些组成部分,我们就应该能充分理解,然后回到自我的组成部分去做出改变,让自我处于更好的状态。
那个自我然后可以被赋能,可以感受谦逊,然后通过利他和感恩来面对生活。因为再说一次,你给我看一个通过利他和感恩来面对生活的人,然后说他对自己的生活不满意——那将是我从未见过的东西,完全全新的。
所以如果我们想到达那里,我们想知道如何到达。有一些方法——正如应该有的——类似于身体健康,不神秘,我们可以去理解和改变。
And the the attempts to understand, so using the physical health parallel, right, if you came in and you said I don't feel well, right, you know we might run a lot of tests, right. We might get an MRI or a CAT scan, or even putting the stethoscope and listening to what's inside of you. Those, we could say, are unconscious things, like you know you're not aware of what the imaging may show or the blood tests may show or how your lungs may sound when someone puts a stethoscope on them, right.
So so a clinician, if you're trying to understand and help someone, then you do want to look for those things, right. You want to look for the things that are underneath the surface but that but that can be very very important, right. You also want to look at everything that's on the surface, right. So if you're if you're engaging with someone, you're engaging with the self, right, the self that grows out of the character structure nest, right. So by engaging with and and doing one's best to understand the self, then you learn about what is underneath of it, right.
So I may then learn, well how do you respond in certain situations, right? Just like I could ask you questions, well when do you not feel well, right? So you're asking a person questions because the idea is to understand elements of the character structure. So how do you respond in certain situations? What's going on inside of you, right? What do you understand about yourself and what do you not understand about yourself, right? How do you bring yourself to bear in the world around you?
So there's a similar process going on but here we're trying to understand the self. And the understanding of the self can help us understand the components underneath of the self, because that's where we're going to go to make things better, right.
The idea is there shouldn't have to be mystery, or certainly not mystery any more than there is in physical health. I mean you know rarely someone comes in and they're really not feeling well and and a whole set of everything that should be done is done, right, labs, physical examination, history, imaging, right, and and you still just don't know, right. I mean sometimes that can happen but it's very rare. And the same should apply here, that if we're examining a self, right, and we're looking for the components out of which that self comes, right, then we should be able to understand well enough to go back to the components of self and to make change. So that the self is in a better place, right.
And and that self can then be empowered, can feel humility, right, can then come at life through the altruism and gratitude that we seek. Because again you show me someone who's coming at life through altruism and gratitude and is not happy with their life and you'll be showing me something I've never seen before, something entirely new.
So if we want to get there, we want to know how to get there. And there are ways, as there should be, that parallel physical health, that aren't mysterious, that we can come at to make understanding and change.
焦虑对我来说是一种非常基础的功能。我从自主神经系统、兴奋性程度等方面来思考它——能否在晚上入睡,能否醒来感觉还不错而不是惊恐发作。但焦虑对我来说确实像是所有这些中的一个关键节点——大多数人,包括我自己,并不会整天想着自己的性格结构。不会想着在一堆假设场景中自己要怎么表现。
我想到的是,大多数早晨我醒来感觉还不错,老实说。不像我希望的那么好——不一定是因为有什么不对劲,而是因为我觉得我天生就偏焦虑一些,会预测接下来会发生什么、需要做什么。所以在我真正开始投入做事之前,那种焦虑对我来说有点偏高。齿轮转得比我希望的早晨要快一些。但一旦我投入进去,齿轮转动的速度就和生活的需求很匹配了。我感受到 agency。
如果可以的话,我们能不能探讨一下这种焦虑或缺乏焦虑的感受?我觉得人们在一天中不同时间和不同条件下对此都很熟悉。在我看来,焦虑是探索性格结构和防御机制概念的一个有趣视角。焦虑是健康防御还是不健康防御,还是完全取决于情境?
Anxiety to me is is a very basic function. I think about it in terms of the autonomic nervous system and degrees of excitability and etc., an ability to sleep at night, an ability to wake up feeling reasonably good but not have a panic attack. But anxiety to me does seem like a key node in all of this, meaning you know, most people, including myself, I don't walk around thinking about my character structure. I don't walk around thinking about how I'm going to behave in a bunch of hypothetical environments.
I think about the fact that most mornings I wake up and I feel pretty good, to be quite honest. Not as good as I would like to feel, not necessarily because anything's wrong but because I think I'm wired to be a little bit more on the anxious side and to predict what's going to happen next and what needs to be done. And so until I'm actually engaging in certain behaviors that anxiety hums a little bit high for me. The gears turn a little bit faster perhaps than than I would like when I wake up in the morning. But once I engage I feel like the the speed of that gear turning uh matches the demands of life pretty well. I feel um agency, okay.
Um so if you don't mind could we explore this this feeling of anxiety or lack of anxiety that I think people are pretty familiar with within themselves at different times of day and under different conditions, because to me it seems like a um an interesting lens to to explore this notion of character structure and defenses. Is anxiety a healthy defense or an unhealthy defense, or does it simply depend on the circumstances?
一些焦虑是合理的。它让我们保持小心——比如从车道倒车出来时保持谨慎。这完全没问题。但假设你带来了一个不太正常的情况需要临床关注。假设我不认识你,你走进来。用你之前举的那个例子——你走进办公室,有一群你很了解也很喜欢的人。假设你告诉我:"我走进去的时候感到非常焦虑,感觉事情不太对。"
那我们就会仔细检查,说这不好。也许它影响了你的职业生活,事情进展不顺。你确实想改变这个情况,因为它在消极地影响你的生活。我们说好的,让我们从自我结构的角度来看。
首先是无意识层面。是不是你基因上就带有高水平的焦虑?我们可以了解一下:你一直都这么焦虑吗?从小到大一直如此,无论如何?所以我们在寻找生物学的、天性方面的变量。我们也可能寻找发生在你身上的、潜藏在无意识心智中的事情。有没有你没有处理过的创伤,现在在表面之下但在不断产生更多焦虑?
假设你告诉我焦虑是不久前才开始的。啊,那是否发生了什么事?你走进一群人中,不知怎么你绊倒了,对某件事感到不好,然后就变得更焦虑了?所以有没有什么在表面之下发生的事情在影响你?让我们看看,因为那是冰山最大的部分。
然后是意识心智,我们可以开始想:你在积极地想些什么?这就是有时候认知行为技术可以派上用场的地方。你是不是在想"不好了,我很害怕,事情不会顺利的"?你在有这样的想法吗?那些想法是不是在让你更加焦虑?你的意识心智里在发生什么?
我也会非常关注你周围的防御机制。比如你是不是倾向于回避?这个情况已经恶化了三个月,但你的心智就是不愿承认,等到你不得不承认的时候已经变得很严重了?还是你没有回避,这才刚开始发生,你想把它扼杀在萌芽中?我会对防御机制——那些保护你意识自我的机制——很感兴趣。
我也会关注性格结构。你接下来做了什么决定?你还是照常去了吗?你有时会回避,开始有困难了吗?你因此是否变得迟到,造成了问题?到了那里之后,对你的影响是什么?你和人交往方式不同了吗?工作方式不同了吗?我想理解性格结构。
最终你通过探查那个骑在一切之上的自我来理解所有这些。然后那个自我的体验是什么?你是否认识到这是一个问题并想要解决它,但同时知道"我擅长自己做的事,这不是什么关于我的可怕的事,我只是需要处理它"?还是你的自我受到了打击,你开始想"也许我做不了了,我不够好"?我们想理解自我的体验是什么。
如果我们做了所有这些,怎么可能到不了一个我们可以理解那种焦虑并让事情变好的地方呢?就像身体健康一样,也许有时候我们做不到,但那是极端的例外。如果我们全力以赴,我们会说你不应该在内心承受这个,因为它是负面的,它在给你制造不快乐,它在夺走你的赋能感。它也在夺走你的谦逊——因为如果一个人在自我攻击,那不是谦逊,那是一种虚假的迫害,不是真诚的谦逊。它把我们引向远离健康的方向。
我们不希望事情是这样的,因为那在对抗 agency 和 gratitude。我们可以理解它,可以去解决它,让它变好。
So some anxiety makes sense, right. It keeps us being careful, it keeps you being careful as you're pulling out of a driveway for example, right. So okay it can be it can be absolutely fine. But let's say you bring something to clinical attention that isn't absolutely fine, right. Let's say I didn't know you and you come in. We have the example that that we that you used before where where you you walk into work and there's a group of people that you that you know well and like, right. Let's say you told me when I walk in there I I feel very anxious, right. I don't feel like things are okay, right.
So then we would go through, we say that's not good, right. Maybe it's impacting your professional life, things are not going well. Like you really want this to change because it's impacting your life in a negative way. And we say okay let's look at that from the perspective of structure of self, right.
So first, unconscious, right. Is it that just genetically are you built with just high levels of anxiety, right? So we could learn, okay, have you always been anxious like this? Is this, has this always been in your life since you were a little kid, no matter what? So we're looking for biological, nature so to speak, variables. We might also look for things that have happened to you that are lodged in your unconscious mind, right. Is there trauma that you haven't processed, right, that now is underneath the surface but is spinning off more anxiety, right?
Let's say you tell me, oh it it wasn't that long ago you started being anxious. Ah, like did something happen? Like did you walk into a group of people and I don't know you tripped and you felt bad about something, right, and then then you get more anxious, right. So are there things going on underneath the surface that are impacting you? Like let's let's look into that, right. Because that's the biggest part of the iceberg, right.
Then your conscious mind, we could start thinking about, okay, what what's going on? What are you actively thinking about, right? So this is where sometimes cognitive behavioral techniques can can come into mind. Like are you thinking like oh no I'm scared, it isn't going to go well, right? Like are you having thoughts, are the thoughts making you more anxious, right? What's going on in your conscious mind, right?
I would also be very interested in the defenses around you. So for example do you tend to avoid, right? Has this been getting worse for three months but but you just, your mind wouldn't acknowledge it, right? And by the time you have to acknowledge it now it's really bad, right. Or do you not avoid and like this just started happening and you want to nip it in the bud, right. So I would be interested in the defense mechanisms, right, that are girding your conscious self.
And and I would be interested in the character structure. What decisions are you then making? Like are you going anyway, right? Are you having trouble, so sometimes you avoid? Are you then making decisions that make you late and that causes problems? How does it impact you once you're there? Are you engaging differently with people, doing your work differently? So I want to understand the character structure.
And ultimately you understand all of this by probing the self that's riding along on top of it. And then what is the experience of that self? Like do you see that okay this is a problem and I want to address it, but like look I know that I'm good at what I do and you know I mean this isn't some like awful thing about me, I just have to deal with it, right. Or is your self impacted where you start thinking maybe I can't do this anymore, I'm not good enough. Or you know, we want to understand what's the experience of the self, right.
And if we do all of that, how is it that we don't get to a place where we can understand that anxiety, right, and we can make things better? So just like in physical health, okay maybe we can't, but that is a dramatic outlier. If we bring ourselves to bear we would say you should not have to have this in you, right, because it is something negative, it is making unhappiness for you, it is taking away from empowerment, right. And it's also taking away from humility, right. Because if someone's beating up on themselves, if you're beating up on yourself about it, then that's not humility, right. Then that that's being sort of falsely persecutory, right. This, it's not an honest humility. It leads us away from health.
So it's like we don't want it to be this way, right, because that is working against agency and gratitude. So we can understand it and we can go after it and make it better.
我以前经常在实验室里用这个表达开玩笑——"dissolve into a puddle of our own tears"(融化成一滩自己的眼泪)。这是对我认为很多人恐惧的那种状态的夸张描述。他们将被要求在公开场合回答问题或做演讲,或者他们会处于一段关系中的关键时刻,然后一切都会糟糕到把他们整个人瓦解掉。这是不可能的——融化成一滩自己的眼泪是不可能的。但我觉得很多人带着这个恐惧生活。
因为我们稍后可以深入讨论——保护一个人的自我感觉在作为人类的某个层面上是至关重要的。我们不想融化成一滩自己的眼泪。
那么自信是不是在一堆不同情境中信任自己的能力?同时我也必须提到自恋这个概念。我觉得这个词最近被用得很泛滥,但在我看来,任何真正心理健康的人也不会想成为那种觉得自己比实际更厉害的蠢货。你对此怎么看?
You know that that we wouldn't um, I I used to use the term and and joke a lot in my laboratory uh with the the phrase you know "dissolve into a puddle of our own tears," right. It's kind of this like hyperbolic explanation of of what I think many people fear. Like they're going to be called upon to answer a question publicly or give a speech, or they're going to be at a critical moment in a relationship or something, and there and just everything is just going to go so badly wrong that it's just going to dissolve them as a person. It's impossible, right, dissolve in a puddle of our own tears is impossible. But I think that's a fear that a lot of people live with.
Because we can get into this a little bit later, and we will I'm sure, you know this notion of like protecting one's ego seems really vital to to being a human being at some level. Like we don't we don't want to dissolve into a puddle of our own tears.
So is confidence the ability to trust ourselves in a bunch of different contexts? Um and at the same time I I do have to raise this this notion of narcissism. I think um uh you know this word gets thrown around a lot lately, but it seems to me that any um truly psychologically healthy person would also not want to be the idiot that thinks that they're better than they actually are. That's a um, what are your thoughts on this?
先想状态依赖性。当我们谈论自信时,它不是统一的,或者说不是自动统一的。如果你告诉我"我缺乏自信",我想了解的是:这是全面的吗?这是你对自己的一种感觉——比如"我在什么方面都不够好"?还是你在某个特定领域缺乏自信?
这种情况其实很常见,而且差别巨大。它说明这个人拥有自信的"机制",拥有自信的潜能和预倾向。当那个性格结构、建立在其上的自我与世界互动时是可以运作的。但他们无法在某个特定情境中发挥出来。
比如我们最常看到的就是浪漫关系这个例外。因为浪漫关系的情感负荷太重,被拒绝的感觉太糟糕,我们能看到有些人在生活的很多很多方面都非常自信,但在浪漫关系方面非常怯懦。他们会说"我在这方面永远不行"或"没人会喜欢我"。但你看得出那并不是这个人作为一个完整的人对自己的真实感受。
这时我们就可以非常有力地去改善它。我们可能会说:"好消息是你有你需要的工具和机制。你在很多方面都很自信——事实上可能除了这一个方面之外全部都自信。所以让我们去看看为什么这个方面是特殊的。"然后我们又回到那个问题:是无意识心智中的什么,还是意识心智中的什么。
但那个人是如何互动的,我们必须理解状态是什么。如果信心缺失是状态依赖的——如果这个人全面缺乏自信——那我们又回到同样的地方去寻找答案。但这时你可能更多地会想:是不是童年创伤或早期生活创伤削弱了这个人获得自信的能力?因为如果你在所有方面都没有自信,那是一个更深层的问题。因为任何人都应该能在某些方面做得好并感到自信。
所以状态依赖性非常重要,现象学也是。那么你体验自信的感受是什么?如果你告诉我——假设在这个例子的另一个版本中——你说"我走进一个房间的人群时感到很自信",我说"好的,我也想更多地了解这个。"
因为如果我问了关于这个的问题,你说"我感到自信,因为我是一个挺聪明的人,我能随机应变,我能和人处得好,如果事情出了差错我能恢复过来,这就是我感到自信的原因。"我会说好的,这听起来不错。
但如果你说"我感到自信,因为我知道自己比所有人都强"——那就有问题了。这不会在生活和交往的其他方面产生好结果。它不会带来谦逊和感恩。那么这来自哪里?也许背后有一个更深层的问题。
这就涉及到自恋了。自恋可以是一种反应——对脆弱性的反应。所以有一种叫"反向形成"(reaction formation)的东西,这个人实际上内心深处非常怯懦,但呈现出来的是非常非常自信和优越感。而这不是幸福的配方。
所以在理解自信时,我们确实想了解你提到的所有那些——预倾向和潜能的集合。但还要了解在不同情境中的真实体验是什么,以及这个人内心的体验是什么。这就是为什么如果我们要理解和帮助人,就必须了解他们。流水线式的医疗在处理心理健康这种关乎人的问题时行不通。我们必须了解一些关于这个人的信息,才能理解他们告诉我们的话意味着什么——否则你没有上下文,就没有认知。
So think about the state dependence first, right. When we're talking about confidence it's it's not uniform, right, or it's not automatically uniform, right. So if so if you were to tell me oh oh I lack confidence, right, then I I want to understand is that across the board? Is like is that a way that you feel about yourself, that like I I'm not good enough at anything for example, right? Or do you lack confidence in a specific area, right?
And this is often the case, right. And it's it's a huge difference, right. It says that person has the machinery of confidence so to speak, right. They have the potentialities and the predispositions for confidence, right. When that character structure, this self built upon it, is engaging with the world, right. But they're not able to bring it to bear in a certain special situation so to speak.
So for some people for example, the way we most often see this is like the carve-out of romance, right. Where because it's so emotionally laden, right, and like rejection can feel so bad, right, that we can see people who are very confident in many many aspects of life but they are very diffident about romance. And they'll say oh it never works out for me or no one will ever like me, right. And and you see like that's not how that person actually feels, right, about themselves as a whole human being, right.
Which which which is then we are coming at how to make that better in a way that's very robust, right. We might say something like hey here's the good news, is you have the tools and the machinery that you need, right. You're confident in so many ways, right, in fact maybe in all ways except this one. So let's go take a look at like why is that special, right. And then and that, where are we? We're back to is it something in the unconscious mind, is it something in the in the conscious mind.
But how that person is engaging, right. So we have to understand what the state is. And if the lack of confidence is state dependent, if the person is not confident across the board, then again we go back to the same, we always go back to the same places to look, right. But then you might more think okay is is there an impact of childhood trauma or early life trauma that that took away from that person you know the their ability to to gain confidence, right. Because if you have no confidence across the board there's a deeper problem, right. Because there would be, this, something anyone can be good about at and feel confident in, right.
So the state dependence is very important as is phenomenology. So what is your experience of being confident? If you tell me, well I'm, let's say in a different version of this example, you say you know actually I'm I'm quite, I feel quite confident when I when I walk into a room of of people. I say okay I want to understand more about that too, right.
Because if I ask questions about that and you say well I feel confident because you know look I'm I'm a pretty smart person, I can think on my feet, I can I can deal well with with people, if something doesn't go right I can recover from it, like I've got you know it's why I feel confident. You know and say okay that sounds pretty good.
If you say well I feel confident because I know that I'm better than than everybody, right, now we have a problem, right. Right. Like that's not going to go well in other you know in other uh aspects of life and engagement. Like there's you know it's not going to lead to humility and gratitude. Like so so where's that coming from? And again maybe there's a deeper problem, right.
Something about narcissism, right. Which can be a a a reaction, right, which is a reaction to vulnerability, right. So then there's what's called a reaction formation and now the person uh is actually deeply diffident, right, but presents as very very confident and with a sense of superiority. And that that's not a recipe for for happiness, right.
So so in the in approaching it we we do want to understand all the things that you said, what are the factors and the the set of predispositions and the set of potentialities. But then what's the real world experience of that across situations and what is the person's experience of that inside. Which is why if we're going to understand and help people, like that's the understand part, right. You know it's why the conveyor belt medicine you know doesn't work, right, in situations where we're dealing with human beings like mental health, right. We have to understand something about people to understand whatever they're telling us means, otherwise you have no context so you have no knowledge.
这似乎非常契合自我结构的思考框架。正如你指出的,自我或自我结构包括无意识心智——冰山模型中水面以下的部分——意识心智中发生的事情,意识心智被从无意识心智生长出来的防御机制所保护。从这些产生性格结构,然后是我们所说的自我。
但说到信念和内心叙事,这些似乎是人们相当清楚意识到的东西。事实上,人们一直在问我如何改变信念和内心叙事,这本身就说明他们是意识到这些的。这也暗示对很多人来说,他们对自己的信念和内心叙事是不健康的,或者至少他们觉得这些没有很好地服务于自己,或者说这些是侵入性的。
我不知道人们来你的诊所时会多坦诚地谈论自己的信念和内心叙事。但如果你能告诉我们一些关于信念和内心叙事的内容,以及是否需要重新布线和重置它们。
This seems to fit very well in thinking about structure of self, because as you pointed out you know the the self or the structure of self includes the unconscious mind, you know what's going on below the surface of the water in this iceberg model, what's going on in the conscious mind, that the conscious mind is protected by these defense mechanisms that grow up from the unconscious mind. From that comes the character structure and then this thing that we call the self, right.
But when it comes to beliefs and internal narratives those seem to me things that people are pretty well aware of. In fact the very example that people are asking me this all the time, how to change beliefs, internal narratives, means they are aware of them. It also suggests that for many people out there their beliefs about themselves and their internal narratives are not healthy, or at least they don't feel are serving them well, or that they are intrusive.
I don't know how open people are about their beliefs and internal narratives when they come to you in the in your clinical practice. But um if you could tell us a little bit about beliefs and internal narratives and uh whether or not they are important to rewire and and and reset.
所以我们内心发生的事情——内心对话、内心叙事——极其重要。而这里我们遇到一个很大的问题:我们生活在一个非常追求即时满足的时代和文化中。我们讨论的所有这些都可以改变,但不会快速改变。
让我惊讶的是,你经常看到保险模式——不管一个人身上发生了什么,都是 10 次认知行为治疗。如果我们试图改变信念,这基本上保证失败。因为信念不会那么快改变。
想象一下,你和我选了一个随机的词,决定说它 500 遍。到今晚我们脑子里都还会有这个词。因为我们做了什么呢?拿了一个随机的词说了 500 遍。现在想象有一个情感高度负载的东西,我们已经在心里说了成千上万遍。它不会快速消失。但它可以消失。在它萎缩的过程中,我们的生活可以变好。
这与绝望恰恰相反。实际上是非常非常令人鼓舞的。但在一个追求即时满足的世界里——"怎么解决这个,怎么现在就解决"——这一点没有被承认。我们一直听到有人说某个人"治疗失败了"。"治疗失败"是什么意思?我觉得是治疗让那个人失望了。但我们这样标签——"但这个人没好啊。"可我们内心有些东西可能需要几个月甚至几年才能变好。
如果我们意识到正在发生什么,这就没问题。仅仅是理解并且正在做出改变这个事实,就帮助我们对自己感觉更好、更自信,相信我们可以改变所有这些。但我们必须用正确的方式去做。
假设我一遍又一遍地对自己说"你到不了那里"——比如一个我想去的职业目标。或者"没有人会真正想要你"——如果我在寻找伴侣的话。想象这些话在反复回响。你可以想象它已经侵入无意识心智,在意识心智中持续运行,防御结构在向负面方向转变,我变得越来越回避。这里面没有任何好的东西,而我想改变它。我想把它改成"你可以做到",或者"你值得被爱,你可以成为某人的好伴侣"。
所以我想改变它。想象我开始做出改变时,我在开辟一条路。在之前没有路的地方开辟一条路。我可以开辟并走这条路,但这条路和旁边那条四车道高速公路完全不同——那条高速公路是我多年来反复对自己说的话,源自创伤,来来回回地走。那是一条四车道的高速公路。而我在砍出一条小路。
但随着时间推移,你越来越多地走那条小路,越来越多地踩踏那条路,把能量往那条路上导。它变好了。现在想象那条路修得很好,有 12 英尺宽了,也许我们可以铺设路面,让更多的"交通"沿着它流动。我们正在从那条四车道高速公路上抽走能量,也许它开始有些杂草丛生了,路面出现了裂缝。我们可以改变所有这些。
但我们必须理解正在发生什么,并识别它。我内心在发生什么?我怎么看待它?我怎么理解改变的过程?我怎么在改变的过程中增强赋能感?如果我们用正确的方式去做,所有这些都可以改变。它不是在我们身上硬编码的,只是被非常非常强烈地强化了。
我们的大脑就是这样构建的——我们不会忘记自己的名字,不会忘记住在哪里。当我们还在狩猎采集时,不会忘记好果子在哪里。人类生活中也是这样,我们必须记住事情,非常重要。如果某件事有很高的情感效价(emotional valence),而且我们想了很多次,我们就不会忘记它。但这个机制被对我们不好的东西劫持了。我们可以把它夺回来,但如果不理解就做不到。
So what's going on inside of us, our internal dialogue, our internal narratives, are extremely important. And here's where we run into a very big problem, is that we live in an era and in a culture that is very attuned to rapid gratification, right. And all of this that we're talking about can change but it does not change quickly.
And it's amazing to me when you know you you'll see insurance paradigms often, right, no matter what's going on with someone they have 10 sessions of cognitive behavioral treatment, right. If there's something like we're trying to change beliefs, it's a guarantee of failure, right. Because beliefs don't change that fast, right.
So imagine for example that we you know you and I chose a word, a random word, and we decided to say it 500 times, right. We'd each be saying it tonight, right. Like it's not going to be out of our minds by tonight because we what, took a random word and said it 500 times, right. So imagine that there's something that's highly emotionally laden and we've said it thousands and thousands and thousands of times, right. It's not going to go away quickly, right. But it can go away. And during the process of it atrophying, right, our lives can get better, right.
This is the opposite of hopeless, right. It's actually very very encouraging. But in a world that's rapid gratification, right, like how do we fix this, how do we fix this now, that doesn't acknowledge this. We hear all the time that a person has failed therapy, right. Like this is said all the time, that person failed. What does failed therapy mean, right? I mean I think therapy failed that person, right. But we we label like oh but person isn't better, right. But there are things going on inside of us that could take months and months or years to make better.
Now again that's okay if we're aware of what's going on. Just the very fact that we understand and we're making change, right, helps us feel better about ourselves and more confident, right, that we can change all of this. But we have to approach it in the right way.
So let's say that I'm telling myself over and over again um you're not going to get there, right. And let's say a place I want to go professionally, right. Or no one's ever going to really want you, right, if if it's I'm looking for a romantic partner, right. So so imagine these things are going on and they're going on over and over again. And you can imagine now that's it's intruded into the unconscious mind, it's going on in my conscious mind, my defensive structure is shifting in negative ways, I'm becoming more avoidant. Like nothing about this is good and I want it to change. And I want it to change to something that says like you can do it, right, or you're lovable, right, you can be a good partner to someone.
So I want to change it, right. So imagine now when I start to make that change I'm blazing a path, right. And and I'm blazing a path where there wasn't a path before, right. And I can blaze a path and I can go through that path, but that path is going to be nothing like maybe the four-lane highway, right, adjacent to me, where the thing that I've been telling myself for years and years and years, born of trauma, right, is is you know is going back and forth, right. It's got a four-lane highway. I'm cutting a path, right.
But over time you cut that path more and more, you tread that path more and more, you take energy towards that path. It becomes better. Now let's imagine like the path is well led and it's 12 feet wide and maybe we can pave the path, so more more traffic so to speak goes down it. And we're taking energy away from that four-lane highway and maybe it starts to be overgrown a little bit and there's cracks in the road. Like we can change all of that.
But we have to understand what's going on and and identify it. Like what is going on inside of me, uh what do I make of it, right? How do I understand the process of change? How do I increase my empowerment during the process of change? If we come at it the right way all of this can be changed. It's not hardwired in us, it's just very very strongly reinforced.
The same way our brains are built this way, so like we don't forget our own names, right. You know we don't forget where we live. You know back when we were hunting and gathering, we don't we don't forget you know where where the good fruits are, right. I mean this goes on in human life now, like we have to remember things. It's very very important. If something has high emotional valence and we've thought it a lot, that we don't forget it. But that mechanism gets hijacked by things that are not good for us. And we can take it back, but not if we don't understand.
他为自己能做到这一点感到非常高兴,但后来开始向我透露,他极度恐惧自己会失控,回到从前的饮食习惯,停止锻炼,体重回到原来的水平和不适感。我说:"你正在做的所有事情都朝着健康的方向,你做的没有任何一件事暗示这一切会崩塌。"这就是那种"融化成一滩自己的眼泪"式的叙事。
但到了这个时候这是来自他自己,他只是说"我知道,但尽管做了所有正确的事,我仍然极度害怕那会发生。"就好像尽管他在以不同的、更积极的方式与世界互动,信念和内心叙事并没有改变。
我最近没有跟他联系过,不知道他现在的状态。几年后的现在,他保持了大部分减掉的体重,虽然回了一点,但他仍然比以前健康得多,所以希望他已经获得了一些解脱。
但你会对这样一个患者说什么——他在说"我脑子里有一个循环,告诉我我不够好",或者"即使事情进展顺利,它们也会回到我非常恐惧的那个状态"?这又是那种缺乏 agency、缺乏赋能感的状态。你能给自己或给某人提供什么样的实用工具?
He just delighted in his ability to do that, but then started to reveal to me that he was deathly afraid that he was going to lose control and start eating the way he was before and stop exercising in a way that would return him to his previous weight and feelings of malaise. And I said well all the things you're doing are in the direction of health, none of what you're doing speaks to the possibility of this all crumbling. This was the "dissolve into a puddle of my own tears" kind of narrative.
But at this point coming from him and he just said I know, but despite doing all the right things I'm still incredibly afraid that it's going to happen. It was as if the the beliefs and the internal narratives hadn't changed despite the fact that he was engaging in the world differently and more positively.
Uh I haven't checked in with him recently to find out where he's at with this. Now several years later he has kept off most of the weight, not all of it, gained a little bit back, but he's still far healthier than than he ever was, so hopefully he's experienced some relief.
But you know what do you tell a patient who uh is saying you know I've got this loop in my head that tells me I'm not good enough, or that even when things are going well they're going to return to that state that I fear so much? Once again this kind of like you know lack of agency, right. Just lack of agency, lack of agency, lack of empowerment. What what sorts of practical tools can can one give themselves or that you would provide to somebody?
如果他害怕体重反弹,而且有这样的历史——每当重大负面事件发生时他就不再照顾自己——那我们就要从这个模式入手。因为他有很好的理由担心。这个模式是:发生了不好的事,然后六个月不照顾自己。也许他生活中有人生病了,或者他担心未来某个人的去世——某种让你觉得这是一个非常合理的恐惧的事情。让我们谈谈这个,让我们看看它来自哪里。这个人是怎么形成这种模式的?通过理解这个模式并一起工作,我们能不能预防它?
但也可能是不同的情况。这个人可能说"我有很多食物的渴望"。那好,这意味着什么,来自哪里?或者也许他在抑郁,而他抑郁时就停不下来吃更多。
又或者这只是纯粹的恐惧——这一切太好了,以至于我担心它会消失。那我们可能要强化:"你是一个能够运用审慎和坚持来保存美好的人。你做到了,而且做得很好。让我们确保在这里也这样做。"
很多时候一个人在担心,但那种担心是通过健康的视角——他们是健康的。然后我们看:能不能安抚那种担忧?它来自哪里?我们可以去强化积极的方面。但如果有负面的东西——创伤驱动的循环、抑郁、食物渴望——我们也可以理解。
所以我回到这个理念:几乎所有事情都有答案,而且是以非常系统的、科学的方式。得出这些答案并不困难——就像在身体医学中一样,我们有类比,有需要运用的工具。但你必须了解这个人。如果你来说"我不舒服",另一个人也来说"我不舒服",医生最好不要做同样的事情。要问:你哪里不舒服?让我理解,然后也对照你可能有的健康状态或诊断来理解。心理健康也是如此。
如果我们这样做,产生的良好效果是惊人的——我在 20 年的执业中一直看到这一点,不仅在自己的实践中,还有那些真正做得很好的人——理解和照顾人,包括有时候不做太多,意识到"这个人没事,这里有一个健康的状态。但这个人在担忧,我们怎么让他放心?怎么帮一个已经过得不错的人过得更好?"
如果我们要做所有这些,就必须把人当作个体来对待。科学告诉我们这一点,常识也是。但如果我们这样做,一个人就可以到达他想去的地方。
So if he's afraid that he's going to gain all that weight back, right, and he has a history that if significant negative things happen he throws self-care to the wind, right, that then we'd come at it through that pattern, right. Because he would have a very, you know, he'd have a good reason to be worried, right. Because this pattern of something bad happens and I can't, I don't take care of myself for 6 months, you know. And maybe someone, I'm just making this up, and maybe someone in his life is ill or he's fearing a death you know in the future, just something that would say that's a very legitimate fear to have. Like let's let's talk about that, like let's look at where that comes from, right. What got that person into that pattern in the first place, right. By understanding the pattern and by working together, right, can we can we stave that off, right.
But it could be different. The person might say well I'm really, I'm having a lot of food cravings, right. And we like okay what does that mean, where's that coming from? Or maybe he's depressed, and when and he's getting depressed, and when he's depressed he can't stop eating more, right. So you know you would look.
Or it might just be plain old fear, like this is so good, right, that that I'm worried it will go away, right. Then we might want to reinforce, like okay like you know you're a person who's able to use circumspection and perseverance and preserve goodness, right. So like you do that and you do that really well. So let's let's make sure we're doing that here, right.
So you know a lot of times a person is worried but that worry is coming through the lens of health, like they're healthy, right. So then we look at okay, can we soothe that worry? Where where's that coming from, right? We can come at it and reinforce the positive. But if there is something negative, there's a trauma-driven cycle, there's depression, there's cravings, we we can understand that too.
So so I come back to this idea that there's answers to just about everything and in a very regimented, scientific way. It's not that hard to come to them, right. Just like in physical medicine, like we have the parallels, we have the tools that we need to bring to bear. But you have to understand the person. Again, if you come in and say I'm not feeling good and someone else comes in and says I'm not feeling good, the doctor better not do the same things, right. Says how are you not feeling good? Okay, let me understand that and then let me map that also to you, whatever underlying state of health you may have or diagnoses you may have. The same is true in mental health.
If we just apply that then it's remarkable the good that we do, which I've seen very consistently across 20 years of doing this, not only in my own practice but like who are the people who do really really well trying to understand and take care of people, including sometimes not doing too much and realizing like hey this person is okay, like there's a state of health here. But this person is worried, how do we reassure them, right? How do we help someone living a good life live a better life, right?
If we're going to do all of this we have to approach people as individuals. It's just, I mean the science tells us that and common sense tells us that too. But if we do that a person can get to the place they want to be.
因为在我看来,如此清楚的是:就像拥有一定水平的耐力、力量、柔韧性很重要一样——这样你才能从生活中获得最多的快乐、agency、gratitude、赋能和谦逊——探索自我也是同样有意义的。问问自己在内心哪里是强的、哪里是弱的,在哪里可能自认为强实际上弱——这些似乎是非常重要甚至关键的问题。
但我知道世界上有一些人觉得这一切都是浪费时间。一切都是关于做事,你知道,为什么要探索自我?而我们其他人看着那个人经常会想"你恰恰是需要做这些的那种人"——因为你让周围的人很受不了。但也不总是这样,有时候这些人看起来就是非常高效。他们完全关注于自己所做事情的外在表现。
我当然不知道别人早上醒来、晚上入睡和一天当中的感受如何。但对于那些觉得内省和探索——甚至挖掘自己尚未接触或处理的创伤——那些觉得这一切都不太值得、一切都是关于行动的人,我们能对他们说什么?
换句话说,一个人是否需要改变、需要相信这些方法的力量,这些方法才能起效?我们经常听到人们不想改变就不会改变。而我们是不是也可以说,即使那些觉得自己在所有领域都运作得极好的人——我不认识这样的人。我认识一些非常有成就的人,你也一样。但我不认识这样的人。似乎唯一存在于那个领域的人就是自恋者——那些明显的自恋者——对他们来说一切似乎都很好,但其他人都受不了他们。顺便说一句,自恋者们,别人都受不了你们。
我们对这些人说什么呢?因为我觉得这是人类中很大一部分,而且它造成了世界上很多的痛苦,包括他们自己的痛苦。
You know because to me it seems so absolutely clear that just as it's important to have a certain level of endurance, strength, flexibility so that one can extract the most joy and agency and gratitude and empowerment and humility from life, that it makes sense to explore the self, to ask you know where am I internally strong, where am I internally weak, you know where might I perceive myself as strong where as I'm actually weak, right. These seem like these seem like very important if not crucial questions to ask.
But I know that there are a certain number of people in the world that think all of that is just kind of a waste of time, right? It's all about doing stuff, it's it's all, you know, why explore the self? You know. And um I think the rest of us are looking at that person often and thinking well you're exactly the kind of person that needs to do this because of the ways that you grate on other people. But but not always, right. Sometimes these people just appear to be just very effective. They're all about the outward expression of what they're doing.
And I certainly don't know how other people feel waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night and throughout the day. But to the person that feels like introspection and exploring, maybe even excavating for trauma that they haven't been in touch with or haven't dealt with yet, but the person that feels that all of that is is kind of not really worth the effort and it's all about action, you know what can we say to that person or those people?
Put differently, does one need to change and need to believe in the power of these sorts of approaches in order for them to work? Uh we often hear that people don't change until they want to change. And um and could we also say perhaps that even for the people that feel like they're functioning extremely well in all domains of life, I know no such people. And I know some very high achieving people as you do too. I know no such people. Uh the only people who seem to exist in that sphere are the narcissists, the clear narcissists, that to them just seem like they're doing great but everyone else can't stand them. By the way narcissist, no one else can stand you.
Um what do what do we say to to those individuals? Because I think it's a big swath of humanity and I think it um it accounts for a lot of suffering in the world, including their own suffering.
现在假设我们快进了几个月。我们再见到这个人——哇,他健康多了,精力充沛多了,减了体重,身体很好。在这两个快照之间发生了很多事情。这个人必须学习很多:怎么照顾自己?然后更具体地——我怎么照顾自己?什么健康食物是我喜欢的?什么健康食物是我会吃的?怎么把它们端上桌?什么运动对我有用?怎么加强肌肉?怎么加强心脏?怎么增加肺活量?这需要学习、勤奋、坚持不懈、韧性。那就是一个人到达目标的过程。
心理健康没有任何不同。如果我们说"你在各方面感觉不同"或"你觉得自己在各方面都优于他人"或不管是什么——生活不顺利,你没有你想要的东西,自我对话是消极的。然后说"好吧,但现在就变得不一样吧。"令人惊讶的是人们有时候确实会这么说——不仅以贬损和糟糕的方式对他人说,也对自己说。我听到人们最常对自己说这种话。"为什么我不能就是变得不一样?我想变不一样。"或者"我怎么了,为什么我没有变不一样?"
我就会说:"一切都跟其他事情一样——你必须运用理解、工作和努力。好消息是你可以达到任何你想要的改变。任何合理的改变,一个人都可以达到。我 54 岁了,我不会去攀登珠穆朗玛峰。我不是登山者。但如果我想学习攀登一些山,想出去做些事情,我可以去做。心理健康目标也是如此,但不是弹指之间,不是靠魔法。而是通过运用同样的科学和常识的结合——就像我们应用于其他事情上的那样。"
这就是为什么我们要经历这个流程——无意识心智、意识心智、自我的结构和功能——因为这就是做法。这就是从心理健康角度,让"之后"的快照看起来和"之前"不一样的方法。
Let's say now, let's say we fast forward some period of months, say, make it up, right. And we see that person and wow, they are much healthier, they have much more energy, they've lost weight, they're they're physically fit. A lot will have gone on in between those two snapshots of that person. That person has to learn a lot, right. How does one take care of oneself, right? Then more specifically, how do I take care of myself, right? What healthy foods you know will I like, what healthy foods will I will I eat, how will I put that on the table, what kind of exercises can work for me, how will they work for me, how do I strengthen muscle, how do I strengthen the heart, how do I increase lung capacity, right? There's learning, there's diligence, um you know there's sticktoitiveness, right, there's resilience. That's how the person gets there, right.
It is no different in mental health, right. If we say well you you feel you feel different across the board, or you feel superior across the board, or whatever it is, like life isn't going well and you don't have things you want and you know the self-talk is negative. Then we say well look but just be different right now, right. I mean it's remarkable that people will say that at times, not just in a way that's denigrating and awful for others but to themselves too, right. I mean I hear people say this most often to themselves. Like why am I not just different, right? I I want to be different. Or what's wrong with me that I'm not?
And I'm like yeah it's like everything else, like you have to apply understanding and work and effort. Like the good news is you can get to whatever change you want. I mean a person can get to whatever reasonable change that person wants. Like you know I'm 54 years old, I'm not going to climb Mount Everest. I'm not a mountain climber, right. But if I want to, like I want to learn to climb some mountains, I want to get out there and do some things, I can go do that, right. The same thing is true with our mental health goals, but not at the snap of a finger, not by magic, right. It's through applying the same science and common sense combination of science and common sense that we apply to other things.
That's why we go through this procedure of unconscious mind, conscious mind, the structure and function of the self, because that's how that's how it's done. That's how the after snapshot looks different than the before, from the mental health perspective as well.
你一直在讲很多关于自我的结构——无意识心智、意识心智、防御机制、性格结构、自我。我们还没怎么谈到自我的功能。我意识到它在这里那里有所涉及。你能告诉我们自我的功能是什么吗?自我的功能是动词、是行为吗?是我们所有人此刻都在做的、反映我们性格结构的事情吗?是我们可以比弹指说"我现在要成为一个更利他的人"更容易改变的东西——但最终还是需要做出一些利他的行为来支撑?
和身体健康的类比一样——我不能弹指就说"降低血压"。我必须做一些冥想练习、一些心血管训练之类的。那这个"自我的功能"到底是什么?由哪些元素构成?
You've been telling us a lot about the structure of our of the self, unconscious mind, conscious mind, defense mechanisms, character structure, self. We haven't talked so much about the function of self. I realize it's been woven in here or there. Yes. Um could you tell us about the function of self? Are the functions of self verb actions? I mean are these things that um we are all doing right now that reflect our character structure? Are these things that um we can change more readily than trying to snap our fingers and say okay I'm now going to be a more altruistic person because I can decide that right now, but then ultimately I have to engage in some altruistic behaviors to to um lend support to that.
Um again same with the parallel that I can't just snap my fingers and say lower blood pressure, you know. I have to do some meditative practices, some cardiovascular training and things of that sort. Uh what what is this function of self thing? What goes into the functions of self?
自我的功能更多是"动词"。如果结构是名词,功能就是动词——实际的参与。它从对"我"的觉知开始。自我的功能必须从觉知开始——有一个人,有一个"我",独立于他人存在。我对这个"我"负有责任。没有其他人在引导它,是我自己。我知道有一个"我"。
然后在此之上,我们开始看到防御机制在行动中的表现。因为我们在讨论功能——我们意识到有一个"我",但发生在这个"我"身上的第一件事是无意识的东西。防御机制,因为我们不是在选择它们,它们会自动开始运作。
比如如果我有一个回避的防御——我想认识一个新朋友但我自动退缩了——这不好,这是一个因素。但在我开始内省过程之前,这是一个我没有意识到的因素。所以防御机制在决定着局势。
The function of self is much more the verbs, right. So if the structure is more nouns, the function is more the verbs, right. The actual engagement, right. So so that would start with an awareness of I. So a function of self has to start with an awareness, like there's a person, there isn't, there is a me that is separate from others, right. And I have responsibility for this I, right. Like it is me. No one else is guiding it, like it's me. I know there's a me.
Okay. Then on top of that we start seeing defense mechanisms in action, right. Because we're thinking about function, right. We're aware that there's an I, but the first thing that starts happening to that I are unconscious things, right. So the defense mechanisms, because we're not choosing them, right, they start doing things automatically.
So if for example I have a a defense of avoidance, right, then I'm not thinking, you know, if it's, I'd like to meet a new person but I automatically am shying away, right. Then that's not, it's not good, it's a factor, right. But it's a factor I'm not aware of until I start this process of introspecting, right. So the defense mechanisms are then kind of determining the lay of the land, right.
这又回到了:我们能不能探索并改变这个?可以。但重要的是要理解,不管那个防御机制的巢是什么样的——那就是我现在拥有的。我此刻正在通过它生活。它在执行一种功能。仅仅因为它是无意识的功能,不代表它不是一种非常非常重要的功能。
Now again, can we explore that and change that? Yes, right. But it's important to understand that whatever that nest of defense mechanisms is, like that's what I've got right now, right. And I'm living through that right now, right. That that's performing a function, right. Just because it's an unconscious function doesn't mean it's it's not a very very important function.
所以我能看到那种无意识的退缩如何在所有负面可能性面前起到保护作用。在某种意义上相当理性——因为那一次互动最终发展成终身伴侣和浪漫关系的概率极其微小。
但你可以想象一组数据点——把一系列 5 秒的片段串在一起——所有类似的事情发生过的时刻。也许这个人时不时地会遇到有人对他们表示兴趣、打招呼或示好。你把这些串在一起,这个人一个都没注意到。然后可能会有非常消极的想法——"没有人想要我""没有人对我感兴趣"之类的。但如果你从外部来看,客观上是不同的。但那个人不知道。
So I can see how the the uh the unconscious turning away is protective against all the negative possibilities. And in some sense is pretty rational, because the the probability that that one interaction could ratchet up to a a life of companionship and and romance with somebody is is exceedingly small, really.
Although you could imagine a set of data points where you string together you know like 5-second clips, you know, all like the times something like that has happened, right. So maybe this is a person that you know intermittently, like people are interested in them or saying hey or saying hello or showing interest. You could string all those together and the person hasn't noticed one of them, right. And then could have a very negative, see nobody, no one wants me, no one's interested in me, or whatever the person is saying. But but like it's different if you see from the outside, like it's objectively different. But that person doesn't know.
一个非常常见并且会给我们带来很多问题的防御机制就是投射(projection)。我举两个投射的例子。第一个是坐在车里堵车的体验——你有点迟到了,感觉自己被围困了。这种事发生在我身上无数次,但在某个时刻,通过自己的心理治疗,我开始审视:当我处于这种状态时,我内心到底在发生什么?
想想"被围困"这种感觉。这到底意味着什么?好像有一个叫"交通"的东西存在着、有自己的意识、想要阻挠我?是个别的车?还是车里的人?实际上发生的是,我在感知敌意。我觉得自己被围困了,但那是我内心的愤怒和沮丧。生气和沮丧的人是我自己,除了我以外没有任何人对此有任何感觉。但我产生了一种周围世界对我充满敌意的感觉,因为我在把自己的愤怒向外投射。
想想看,这样并不好。因为比起坐在车里抱怨,我本来可以说:也许我堵在这里完全说得通,我不开心也情有可原。也许我应该早一点出门就不会迟到了。或者如果是去上班,我是不是应该住得离公司近一些?我可以做出一整套决策,但我都没有做。又或者本来以为15分钟就能到,结果出了事故。有些事情我控制不了,难道我要控制一切吗?
如果你能想清楚哪些是我能控制的、哪些是我控制不了的,并且对此保持觉察,情况就会好很多。堵车时的沮丧不会那么频繁地发生,愤怒和焦躁也会消散。我觉得这是一个很好的例子,因为它太常见了。
但投射也发生在人与人之间。假设你和我是同事,我们要一起合作完成一件事。碰巧那天我状态不好,来上班之前发生了一些不愉快的事,我不在最佳状态,有点烦躁和沮丧。这种情况太常见了——一个人坐下来和别人合作,结果他自己在散发烦躁和沮丧,这让你也不舒服。你可能也变得烦躁和沮丧。然后我就说:你看,他就是这么烦躁和沮丧。
但即使你没有真的变得烦躁,我内心的这种感受,这种投射往往会让我觉得是你才是那个状态不好的人。我来这里是想好好干活的,结果你状态不行——其实状态不行的是我自己。但我们一直在做这样的事,然后做出错误或不准确的归因。所以投射就是一个会给我们带来很多麻烦的防御机制的例子。真的会带来很多麻烦。
另一种防御机制是置换(displacement)。如果我在某个领域感到愤怒或沮丧,比如在工作中感到不满,然后回家踢狗——这样做真的不好。我们没有承认工作中内心正在发生什么、我们可以改变什么、可以让什么变得更好。而那条狗并不想被踢。"狗"往往也代指家人。这种发泄可以是身体上的,也可以是言语上的。
但核心在于:我们内心产生了一些负面的东西,可我们却以为它来自别处。当负面防御机制在运作时,念头会把我们引向歧途。当然也有正面的防御机制,比如利他主义。有人对我做了不好的事,我可以选择不把这种负面传递下去,而是决定:我要为下一个我有机会善待的人做一件好事。这也是一种防御。有时候我们可以有意识地选择这样做,但有些人天生就会这样反应——遇到负面的事,他们的回应是完全不同的。
防御机制可以对我们不利,也可以对我们有利。它们很复杂,而且往往是多种防御机制的组合。但我们可以向内审视,比如发现自己一直在使用投射——觉得周围所有人都在生气和沮丧,总是遇到糟糕的交通——然后当我们深入谈论这些时,就会发现其实有很多事情是我自己在愤怒,只是我没有意识到而已。这时候,反思、心理治疗或一个好朋友的交谈就能帮我们看清:这些情绪其实是在我自己身上发生的。这真的很有帮助。
幽默的使用也是一样。如果我用幽默来化解不舒服的场景或让我不自在的事情,也许这能润滑社交关系。但随着时间推移,我可能开始用一种自我贬低的方式使用幽默。那就不太好了。但我可能意识不到这个转变——仅仅因为我在某些场合确实很风趣,我已经不再用幽默为自己服务了,而是在用它攻击自己。通过和别人交流、通过反思,我们可以觉察到自己内在防御结构的运作方式。
这个过程并非自动的。如果你指出我经常在使用投射,我就可以开始觉察。就像如果你跟我一起在杂货店,有人对我说了句友好的话而我下意识地躲开了,你说:"你刚才完全没注意到有人跟你打招呼。"然后我想,我希望更能觉察到这些,我不希望这种事在无意识中发生。所以也许从现在起,每当有陌生人跟我说话,我都会停下来想一想:这里发生了什么?那个人是在对我友好吗?还是只是收银台前的正常交流?我们把无意识的东西变成有意识的,这样我们就能改变它。
So so an example of a defense mechanism that's very common and can cause us a lot of problems is projection, right. So I'll give two examples of of projection. So so one is the experience of sitting in a car, right, and being stuck in traffic, being a little bit late, right, and feeling beleaguered, right. I mean this has happened to me more times than I can count, but at some point I started through my own therapy looking at like what what's going on in me, right, when when I'm doing this, right.
So think about the, feeling beleaguered, right. As if, what does that mean? Like there's something called traffic that exists and has a mind and wants to thwart me, right? Is it individual cars, is it the people in the cars, right? What's going on is I'm having a perception of hostility. I feel beleaguered, right. But it's it's anger and frustration inside of me, right. I'm I'm the one feeling angry and frustrated. There's there's there's no one and nothing but me that's feeling anything about this, right. But I have this sense of the world around me being hostile because I'm projecting my anger outward, right.
Now think, this isn't good, because instead of sitting in traffic and saying look, maybe it totally makes sense that I'm stuck in traffic and that that I'm not happy. Like maybe I I should leave a little bit earlier and I wouldn't be late. Or if it's, I'm going to work, should I live closer to work? I could make a whole set of decisions that I'm not making, right. Or maybe I I know, I thought it was going to be a 15-minute drive and like there was an accident, right. And okay there are things that I can't control, am I supposed to control everything, right?
If if you think about what can I control, being aware of that, and what can I not control, right, then it can make the situation much better. So this doesn't happen with this frequency and it also takes away the anger and the frustration, right. So I think that's a good example because it it happens a lot, it's very very common.
But projection then also happens with people, right. So let's say you and I work together and we're we we're going to do something collaborative together, and I'm just not having a good day, and something negative happened before I came to work, and you know I'm not at my best and I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit irritable and frustrated, right. This happens all the time where then the person sits down with someone and then I'm being irritable and frustrated, which doesn't feel good to you, right. And and you may become irritable and frustrated, right. And then I say oh look he's irritable and frustrated, right.
But even if you don't, the fact that I feel that way, right, that projection often would lead me to to think that it's you who's that way. Here I come wanting to do this job and you're not at your best. It's me who's not at my best, right. But we do this all the time and then we make incorrect or inaccurate attributions, right. So so projection, it's it's an example of a defense mechanism that can cause us a lot of trouble, right. A lot of trouble.
Uh another can be displacement, where uh if I'm feeling anger or frustration, say, in a certain realm, than I, the idea of feeling it at work and then kicking the dog, right. Like it it's not good that we do that. We're not acknowledging what's going on inside of us at work, what we could change, what we could make better. And the dog doesn't want to be kicked, right. And the dog is often you know also the family, right. And and it could be physical or could be through words, right.
But the idea that that there's something negative being generated in us but but inside we're we're perceiving that it's coming from somewhere else, right. I mean the thought is all things to lead us astray, right, when when there are negative defenses, right. There are going to be positive defenses too, such as altruism, right. That that someone could do something negative to me, right, and instead of me passing that along I could decide no I'm going to do something, I'm going to do something nice for the next person I have an opportunity to do something nice for, right. Like that's a defense. And sometimes we could think of it and decide that way, but there are people who react that way. Like there's something negative that happens and they respond with something that's that's different from that.
So defense mechanisms can work against us, they can work for us, they're complicated, they're combinations of them. But we can look inside and say for example if I'm using projection all the time, right, and I think everyone around me is kind of always angry and frustrated, right, and there's always bad traffic, right, but then as we start to talk about it more it becomes apparent that there's a lot I'm angry about, right, but I'm not aware of it. Then then reflection or therapy, right, or a good friend we're talking to can help us see, right, that hey this is going on inside of me, right. And that can really help us.
Same with use of humor, like if I'm using humor and I'm I'm kind of decompressing uncomfortable situations or things that make me feel uncomfortable, maybe that greases the wheels of social progress. But maybe over time I come to use humor in a way that's self-denigrating, right. Well that's not so good anymore. But I may not be aware of the shift, just because I can maybe be funny in certain situations, that I'm now not using that for myself anymore, I'm using it against myself. And by talking to people, by reflection, like we can be aware of the defensive structure that's going on inside of us.
And then there's not an automaticity to it. If you point out that I'm using projection a lot, I can start to be aware of that. Just like if someone, let's say you were with me at the grocery store, right, and someone says something nice and I shy away, and you say hey you know you didn't, weren't even aware someone said hello to you. And then I say, say I want to be more aware of that, like I want, I don't want that thing to happen unconsciously. So maybe now I think okay, anytime someone I don't know says something to me I'm going to just stop and think, like what's going on here, right? Is that person being friendly to me? Is it, are they just, you know, it's just a person exchanging money at the cash register? Like what's going on? So we take what's unconscious and we make it conscious so that we can change it.
不过在学术界有一种非常常见的现象,我把它叫做"焦虑下渗"(trickle-down anxiety)。实验室负责人不可避免地承受着巨大的压力——基金申请、论文发表等等。研究生和博士后们对我描述的场景肯定立刻就能感同身受。没上过研究生院的朋友可能觉得陌生,但你们会想到其他类似的例子。
当实验室负责人感到压力时,一种极其常见的做法是他们会走过实验室,开始追问实验进展,要求做额外的实验,基本上就是给大家布置忙活的杂活,或者催促那些根本不可能加快的进程。我读研究生时跟的导师完全不是这种类型。读博士后时,坦白说,我的合作导师有一点这种倾向,尽管我仍然非常喜欢跟他工作。
但我有一个至少对我自己来说很管用的应对方式:我总是会说"我正在尽可能仔细地快速推进",因为没有科学家希望别人偷工减料——至少好的科学家不会。但焦虑下渗在每个行业都很普遍。我们经常看到这种置换现象:一个人焦虑了,就跑去给别人制造焦虑。真的随处可见……
However in academia there's this um phenomenon that's very common that that I refer to as trickle-down anxiety, where the person running the laboratory is inevitably under a tremendous amount of stress, grants and papers etc. And graduate students and postdocs will immediately be familiar with what I'm describing. But um for those of you that haven't gone to graduate school um this will be a little bit foreign, but you'll think of other examples.
Where when the lab head is under stress, it's incredibly common for lab heads to walk through the laboratory and start asking about experiments and telling people to do additional experiments and basically just assigning busy work to people or pressuring what simply cannot be moved along any faster. And when I was a graduate student I worked for somebody who was the exact opposite of this phenotype. When I was a postdoc, frankly, I worked with someone who was a little bit of that phenotype, although I still liked working for him very much.
But I used to have a response that at least for me was adaptive, which was I would always say "I'm working as fast as I carefully can," because no scientist ever wants to uh, somebody to cut corners, no good scientist anyway. Um but trickle-down anxiety is common in every occupation. I think we see this sort of displacement all the time where someone's anxious and so they go start creating anxiety for other people. I mean you can just...
置换是指我们释放出来的东西、或者我们的归因发生了转移。让我生气的不是这个人,而是那个人——因为那个人是一个更安全的发泄对象。或者如果我要释放愤怒,比起踢那个可能会反击我的人,不如踢那条无法回击的狗。这就是置换。
投射性认同是指一个人内心的情绪状态以某种方式表达出来,然后传染给了周围的人,即便当事人并非有意为之。如果一个人说"我就是要让你焦虑",那就不再是防御机制了。
我来举一个例子。我觉得这是投射性认同最好的例子。有一段时间我在办公室里偶尔会找不到钥匙。我要走了但找不到钥匙,于是我说"我不知道钥匙放哪儿了"。我开始表达某种情绪——我很焦虑、很紧张。
周围的人听到了。他们开始有什么感觉?他们也开始感到焦虑和紧张,跟我一模一样。然后他们就想要帮我找钥匙,因为他们希望我别再把焦虑和紧张散播到整个环境里了。
于是他们帮我找到钥匙,我说谢谢,我的情绪平静下来。事后回想,我意识到:我不想这样做。我通过让别人感受到不舒服的情绪来满足自己的需求,这不好。所以解决方案很简单——每天把钥匙放在固定的地方。这样我就能避免那种情况发生。因为那种体验对我自己也不好——我走到车那里时发现自己呼吸有点急促,那是因为刚才的激动,感觉不好。而且我也把这种不好的感觉传染给了别人。
这就是投射性认同运作方式的一个例子。虽然这是一个简单的例子,但它说明这种现象无时无刻不在发生。所有这些事情都在不断发生。但我们可以觉察到它。当我不再丢钥匙,我就不用为此感到难过,不用无缘无故让自己激动起来,也不用无缘无故让别人跟着激动。思考和反思可以让事情往好的方向改变。同样的道理也适用于更大的问题。
Displacement is what comes out of us or what what we're, our attribution can shift, right. It's it's not this person who's making me angry, it's that person, because that's a safer person, right, to to to be angry at, right. Or if I'm then going to take out my anger, right, instead of metaphorically kicking the person who might who might respond to me in a way I don't want, maybe I kick the dog that's helpless to respond back, right. So that's displacement.
Projective identification is, there's there's an expression of an emotional state inside of a person that then becomes contagious to other people, even though the person isn't trying to do that. If the person says I'm going to make you anxious, that's not a defense mechanism anymore, right.
So here's an example. I think I think this is the best example of projective identification. So for a little bit of time at work I would occasionally lose my keys, right. So now I'm trying to go and I I can't find my keys, right. So they say oh I don't know where my keys are, right. So I start expressing something, right, and I'm anxious and I'm tense, right.
Now people around me hear that, right. And what do they start feeling? They start feeling anxious and tense the way that I do, right. And now they're like, well now they want to, now they want to find my keys, right. They want to help me so that I stop spreading anxiety and tension into the whole environment around me, right.
So then they help me find my keys, I say thank you, my own emotional state comes down. And upon reflection I think, look I don't want to do that, right. I got my, I'm getting my needs met by making other people feel in a way that's like not a good or comfortable way to feel. So here's a way around that, like put my keys in the same place every day, right. So then I can avoid that, because it doesn't feel good to me. Like then if I get out to my car like I find you know I'm a little bit, I'm breathing a little heavy, like it doesn't feel good cuz I was just agitated, right. And I did that to other people too, right.
So so it's an example of how projective identification works. And it's kind of a simple example but it shows it's happening all the time, you know. All these things are happening all the time. But we can become aware of it. Then I don't lose my keys, I don't have to feel bad about it, I don't have to activate myself for no reason and I don't have to activate other people for no reason. So so thinking and reflecting like, change that thing for the better. And it can do it with much bigger things too.
我想到的是那种人:不管别人说了什么正面的话,不管别人做了什么可以视为积极的事情,他们总能找到办法通过讽刺性的幽默来贬低它。这种现象我见得太多了。
我觉得跟讽刺紧密相连的是犬儒主义(cynicism)。事实上我有一个家人——为了保护"不那么无辜的人"我就不点名了——曾经非常犬儒。我想请教一下犬儒主义的问题。这位家人说他们从小接受的某种正规教育里,如果谁表现得太开心、流露出太多快乐和喜悦,就会被当成愚蠢。好像快乐就意味着你没有意识到生活中那些精致而重要的东西。
我希望大多数听众觉得这跟自己无关。但我确实认为讽刺在这个意义上是一把双刃剑,犬儒主义也许更是如此。因为犬儒主义本质上是在持续反射生活中不好的那些东西、正在发生的事情中不好的那些面向。
它确实看起来有保护作用。它让人免于失望——如果你已经很失望了,怎么可能更失望呢?在我看来它也像是一种权力表演:你要快乐?好,我要把所有人的快乐都夺走。这是为了我自己的某种需要。
这些观察在临床文献中有依据吗?因为我确实欣赏好的讽刺笑话。事实上围绕一个讽刺笑话的共同创造,真的可以让所有人都觉得好笑。但讽刺和犬儒主义,我感觉经常被用来消解那些本可以成为善意或增进联结的体验。
I'm thinking of the person that um no matter what someone else says that's positive or or no matter what someone does that could be viewed as positive, they find some way to diminish it by like through sarcastic humor, right. I I I see this a lot.
And I think closely nested with sarcasm is um cynicism. Um in fact uh I have a family member, I won't name who they are to protect the not-so-innocent, who used to be very cynical. Um and I want to ask you know what is the, about cynicism. And and they said well I have had a particular uh genre of of schooling growing up, a formal schooling, where if anyone behaved um, too happy, expressed too much happiness rather, too much delight, they were viewed as stupid. Like like as if to be happy is to um to be unaware of of of the sophistication and the importance of things in life, right.
Um and I hope that this is unrelatable to most people listening. But um I do think that sarcasm is is a double-edged blade um in this sense, and that cynicism is is perhaps um uh double-edged blade as well. But that it might even be worse than sarcasm because it's a way of really reflecting back, what's by definition what's not good about life, what's not good about what's happening.
And and it does seem protective, right. It protects one from disappointment. If you're already disappointed how could you be further disappointed? It also seems to me like a bit of a power move, it's like you're going to be happy, well I'm going to take that away from everybody. Like as something that's like, for myself.
Um does any of this actually hold in the inside of the clinical literature? Um because again I enjoy a good sarcastic joke. In fact there's a collaboration around a sarcastic joke, it can be truly funny to everybody. But um sarcasm and cynicism um I feel like are often used to cut down what would otherwise be um benevolence or or or bonding experiences.
所以那种尖刻的讽刺式幽默是一种付诸行动、一种攻击性的表达形式,而不是作为健康防御的幽默。我们可以用同一个词来称呼它,但其实也可以叫不同的名字,这只是语言上的细微区别。
如果幽默是一种防御——比如我摔了一跤,开个小玩笑,大家跟我一起笑而不是笑话我——那幽默就是一个好的防御机制。我让自己感觉好了一些,事情进展得更顺畅了。但如果我用讽刺式的幽默去攻击别人,那就不再是同一回事了。那是攻击性的一种表现。
至于犬儒主义,那就涉及到一种世界观了。讽刺是此时此刻的事——我们讲一个讽刺笑话,好笑不好笑都罢了,然后就过去了。但犬儒主义是一种面对世界的方式,是一种不同类型的防御。就像狐狸和酸葡萄的故事:反正我觉得世界上没什么好东西。这样你就没法从我这里拿走任何东西,也没法让我感觉更糟。我已经对这个世界和所有人都感觉非常非常差了,我在用这种方式保护自己。
这就是一种不健康的防御,因为它会导致什么?至少导致孤立和不信任。我们知道,如果人们生活中有利他主义和感恩,与他人保持良好的联结,他们就会更快乐。所以犬儒主义的视角——在某种程度上,生活在这个世界上确实会让我们产生一些犬儒情绪,这是正常的,某种意义上也是觉察的一部分。
但我觉得你说的是一种非常弥漫性的犬儒主义,它已经变成了一种不健康的防御,而且对他人非常有害。就是那种"我对一切都感觉糟糕,如果你不跟我一样糟糕,我就要把你拉下来"的心态。太快乐了?我们给它贴个标签——叫"愚蠢"。好像快乐到超出某个犬儒基线就是不可以的。
再说回来,利他主义和感恩并不等于快乐。那种过度犬儒的情境里谁快乐?过度犬儒的人不快乐,他们周围的人也不快乐。没有人快乐。
So so that that sort of biting sarcastic humor is a form of acting out, it's a form of aggression, right. It's not humor as a healthy defense, right. We can call it the same thing but we could also call it different things, it's just a nuance of our language, right.
If if if humor can be a defense, like I I trip and fall, I make a little joke, people are laughing with me instead of at me, right. Hey humor is a good defense. I made myself feel better, made things flow flow more easily. But if I'm using sarcastic humor to assail someone, right, then that's not, it's not that thing anymore, right. You know now it's a manifestation of aggression, right.
And the idea that cynicism, you know, is is more, then we're talking about a worldview, right. Like sarcasm is something that can be done now, like we can make a sarcastic joke, funny or not, then it's over, right. Um but cynicism is is a way of coming at the world, is a different kind of defense, right. The idea that hey it's like the fox and the sour grapes, like I don't I I don't think there's anything good to be had anyway, right. So you can't take anything away from me, it can't make me feel worse, right. I I already feel uh very very bad about the world and about everybody in it and I'm protecting myself that way.
Like that's then an unhealthy defense, because what does that lead to? It leads to isolation, at least to mistrust. You know we we know that people are happy if they live through altruism and gratitude and they're well connected with others. So so the cynical point of view, which again to some degree, being in the world builds some cynicism in us, right, like that that's okay, that's part of, that's a part of awareness in some sense.
But I think what you're talking about is a very pervasive cynicism that then is an unhealthy defense that is very harmful to others. Like the idea that I I feel lousy about everything and if you don't I'm going to try and bring you down, right. Like too much happiness, we'll label that as something, right, we label it as stupid, right. So now it's like it's not okay to be happier than some sort of cynical baseline, right.
And again there's nothing about altruism and gratitude like, that's not happy, right. I mean who who's happy in that situation? The people who are overly cynical are not happy and the people around them are not happy. Nobody's happy.
你一直在讲关于自我的两大支柱——自我结构和自我功能——以及它们如何影响我们在世界中的表现。在自我功能方面,你讲了自我觉察——意识到有一个"我"的存在。然后我们讨论了防御机制的实际运作,它们在现实世界中如何发挥正面和负面的作用。
在我看来,理解自我功能的很大一部分在于我们关注什么、把精力投放在哪里,或者选择不关注什么、不把精力放在哪里。我理解得对吗?
So you've been talking about these two pillars of the self and who we are and how things play out in the world for us, as the structure of self and the function of self. And in terms of the function of self you described self-awareness, this notion or this realization that there is an I, there's a me. And then we've been talking about defense mechanisms in action, how these play out in in the real world, both positive and negative.
It seems to me that a lot of what is happening here in terms of understanding the function of self has to do with like what we pay attention to and like where we place our our efforts, or choose to not place our attention and not place our efforts. Do I have that right?
我们的注意力本质上就是聚焦。我们对彼此是显著的,因为这是我们选择的,我们把心智聚焦在这里。同时在内心深处,我们也知道如果有更重要的事发生——比如危险——我们可以随时切换注意力。所以这让我们能够在此刻彼此陪伴、展开这场对话。
但在日常生活中,什么对我们是显著的,这件事本身就极其复杂,由太多因素决定,绝对值得我们投入大量关注。比如,很多人内心有一段持续运行的负面内心对话。或者他们在脑海中反复播放某些画面和事件——可能是创伤性的经历,也可能是自己不满意的事情、以负面方式呈现的自我形象。这些内在叙事或内在画面可以变得如此强烈,以至于没有空间留给其他任何东西。
举个例子:有一个人非常热爱音乐。他不仅享受音乐本身,在听音乐时还会产生很好的想法,比如"我可以去做那件事"。他有一段跟随兴趣行动然后真的创造出美好生活的历史。
但后来这个人开始长时间开车,比正常需要的路程长很多。为什么要多花那些时间在车上?我一开始猜测他是在听音乐和思考。但总觉得不太对。后来我了解到,那个人并没有在听音乐。他在利用那段时间让内心那段极度负面的、反复循环的叙事——"你不会有出息的,你什么都做不成"——在脑海中回荡。
这是一种自我惩罚的形式。这是把内心的愤怒和挫败感转向自己的一种方式。那段叙事如此显著,以至于这个人完全看不到任何美好的可能性。他觉得什么都不会改变、什么都不会变好,而且对此非常确定、非常坚决。
答案是:没错。如果这段负面的咒语一直反复循环,确实什么都不可能变好。但事情是可以变好的——如果那段叙事随着时间变得不再那么显著,而你自己的思考和反思变得更加显著。
在那个转变的最后阶段,那段叙事还在,但已经被大大削弱了——因为真正改变需要时间。它被极大地削弱了。那个人又开始听音乐了,那些好的想法重新浮上表面,以各种方式碰撞,产生了新的、有趣的念头。那个人处于一个完全不同的状态,彻底改变了自己的人生。这是真实的故事。虽然是一个戏剧性的例子,但戏剧性的例子能给我们启示——显著性发生了转移,然后人生也随之转变。
So so our attention is, it's focus. We're salient to one another because this is what we've chosen and we're focusing our minds. And we are also somewhere inside of us aware that we could shift away from it if something more important, like something dangerous, were to happen, right. So it lets us be here and be salient to one another and have this conversation, right.
But in the course of life, what's salient to us is so complicated and determined by so many factors, that is absolutely worth a lot of attention to. So so one example is, so many people have a negative internal dialogue that's running in them over and over again. Or they're running through images, events, you know, they may be traumatic events or things that they're not happy with, images of themselves in negative ways, um. That that these internal narratives or internal images can become so strong that there's no room for anything else.
So you know an example would be a a person who uh who really really loved music, right. And could have, you know, just in addition to enjoying music, like had like good thoughts while listening to music, like you know what I could go do this, right. And and and had a history of of like that really working out well, like following his interests and and like really creating sort of goodness in his life, right.
Who now was going for long drives, like longer than would be needed to go somewhere, get something. Like why the extra time in the car? And I had had a presumption, okay the person's listening to music and thinking. But but it didn't quite add up. And then I learned that the person is not listening to music, right. That they're using that time so that the internal narrative, right, which was a very very negative, repeated internal narrative, you're not going to get anywhere, you're not going to make anything of of yourself, right. It could be there in his mind, right.
So it was a form of self-punishment, right. It was a form of of taking the anger and frustration inside and enacting it towards himself. And that was so salient that this person could not see his way to any goodness. Like nothing could change, nothing could get any better, like felt very sure and very resolved about that.
And the answer was yeah, that's right, right. Nothing can get any better with this constant mantra running over and over again. But things can get better, right. If that becomes less salient over time and your own thoughts and reflections become more salient.
So at the end of that shift, you know, that narrative that was still there but it was weakened, right. Because it takes time to really change things. So it was very much weakened. The person was listening to music again, those thoughts had kind of come back to the surface and they were being sort of jumbled, you know, in ways that that brought new and interesting thoughts coming from them. And the person was in an entirely different place and like completely changed their life, right. I mean this is, it's, this is true, right. It's a dramatic example but dramatic examples inform us, right. Where the salience shifted and then the life shifted after that.
在职业领域,我从来不允许自己在一个不好的处境中待太久。当事情感觉不对,或者我感觉与之合作的人不是对的人选时,我就会离开——尽管如果真正去想,可能会有相当严重的长远后果。幸运的是一切都很顺利。事实上我可以说,我非常关注跟我合作的人是不是我想要合作的那种人。如果我感知到某种危险信号,我会认真审视。到目前为止百分之百的准确率——后来都证明离开是正确的决定。另一方面,我在播客事业、学术生涯等方面,在选择合作对象上也做出了很出色的决策。但我不得不离开了一些不适合我的人。我不觉得他们真的是坏人,但谢天谢地我离开了,谢天谢地我找到了这些很棒的合作伙伴。
然而,在我生活中有些领域,我反复做出了不好的决定——说实话——在相当长的时间里反复如此。甚至可能有一种觉察——或者说确实有一种觉察:这不是一个好的处境,但我仍然在坚持寻找这类相似的情境。
所以我自认为是一个至少部分理性的人,有一定程度的内省能力。当我审视这种情况时,我想:这是一种选择——选择关注、选择把自己放入某些对我构成挑战的情境——我不得不假设是我在把自己放进去的。而我知道这阻碍了我以某些我想要的方式生活、以某些我想要的方式获得所谓的"快乐"。
当你听到这样的场景——我在这个领域做得到,但在那个领域似乎怎么都做不到,甚至能看到自己在那里一错再错——这跟你刚才举的例子略有不同。那个人开车上班,没有听音乐,但他没有把两件事联系起来。但当一个人能看到正在发生什么的时候——我觉得这也许就是所谓的强迫性重复……
You know I've never allowed myself to stay in a bad professional situation for very long. You know when things didn't feel right or when I sense someone I was working with or for wasn't the right situation, I got out, despite, if I were to really think about it, there could have been pretty severe long-term consequences. Fortunately it all worked out. In fact so much so that I would say um you know I pay attention to whether or not people I work with and for are of the sort that I want to be working with. And if I sense a particular type of danger I'll look at that. And I'm I'm 100% so far, knock on wood, but 100% so far on recognizing later that it was a great decision to move on. And on the flip side of it I've made I believe excellent decisions in terms of who to work with in terms of my podcasting, in terms of my academic career, etc. But I've had to move away from people that just weren't right for me. I don't think they were truly bad actors, but thank goodness I moved away. And thank goodness I found these other wonderful people to work with.
However, there are circumstances that have been repetitive in my life where I've, just be honest, repeatedly made not good decisions about who to be involved with, over fairly long periods of time. And there can even be an awareness, or I should say there has been an awareness, like this isn't a good situation and yet I'm persisting in in seeking out this and similar types of situations.
So I consider myself a at least partially rational human being with some degree of introspection. You know when I look at this and I think okay, this is a a choice to focus on, placing myself in, I have to assume, placing myself into situations that are challenging for me in a way that I know is preventing me from living in certain ways that I want and from being quote unquote happy in certain ways that I want.
When you hear a scenario like that, like I can do it over here but I can't seem to do it over here, in fact I see myself doing it the wrong way here, right? A little bit different than the example you gave a moment ago because the guy was driving to work, not listening to music, but wasn't putting two and two together about what was going on. But when somebody can see what's going on, I think this might even be called the repetition compulsion or...
把同样的逻辑套用到我描述的自己和别人身上的情况,你一定会说这对他们有用。在通俗心理学里你会听到"这一定对他们有用,一定在解决什么问题"。但我到底为什么要这样做?人们为什么这样做?这是真正的病理现象,还是一种迂回的方式去达到某种其实挺有适应性的目的?
Uh you apply that to the same sort of thing I'm describing for myself and that I've observed in other people and you must say it must work for them. You hear this in kind of pop psychology like it must work for them, like it must be solving something. Why the hell do I do this? Why do people do this? Is it real pathology, or is it a roundabout way to get to something else that's actually pretty adaptive?
我所在的学科总想给所有东西贴标签、打分数,然后对它采取某种措施——而这些措施往往是无效的。因为我们没有从上而下的视角去看:什么是人类经验?人类经验中有哪些不那么理想的自然面向是我们可以理解并加以改善的?
如果我们用这种方式来看,就会发现你的例子是一个很好的案例。因为这里就是结构与功能相遇的地方。在结构那一侧,我们说有防御机制——想象那些从无意识心智中生长出来的枝干。在功能那一侧,防御机制在实际运作,然后决定了显著性。
我想象你的例子中,当你在做有效决策的时候——职业决策方面——你的防御结构看起来是优雅的。那些枝干有一种和谐感,意识坐在中间,你可以看到其中的美感。
我能想象到当你在那个做不好的领域时,防御结构完全不同了。因为你在使用一套完全不同的防御结构,它的功能运作方式也不同,创造出不同的显著性。我想象那是混乱的、零碎的、不优雅的。
那这到底意味着什么?让我们把它翻译成具体的防御机制。想想你在职业领域做出好决策时你没有做什么。你没有在使用否认、回避、合理化、投射、投射性认同或付诸行动。有所有这些不健康的防御机制在召唤我们:"把问题踢到以后不是更简单吗?不不不,一切都会好的。与其对真正制造问题的那个人生气,不如转移到别人身上——你在置换吗?在投射吗?"
人们就是这样——我们就是这样给自己惹麻烦的。如果这些不健康的防御机制在运作,它们就会遮蔽我们做出正确判断的能力。但如果这些东西都不存在呢?你在运用你的智慧、你的辨别力、你想让事情变得更好的愿望。你能够清楚地审视局面,你能够带来勤勉和坚持。你能够把自我中健康的部分带到问题面前,然后判断:我不想要这样,应该不同。
再看看那里发生了什么——表面下有复杂性,但我们正在向上走向简单。走向那些更健康的、更简约的东西。
如果我们再看你反复犯同样错误的情况,我们会深入去检查具体发生了什么。但那一定是一组不健康的防御机制在起作用,不可能是别的。
那我们会说:你在使用回避吗——也许一点,也许很多?否认呢?合理化呢?投射呢?你逐一检查那些不健康的防御机制,看看到底是什么在把你引入歧途。然后目标就是利用角色榜样的力量——你为自己做榜样,展示如何保持健康。把那种健康的模式拿来应用到你一直在"特殊对待"的那个领域上。
这也是为什么当人们谈论强迫性重复时——它其实不是一个正式术语——因为我们真正在讨论的是重复本身。我们感兴趣的是为什么我们会重复。这是其中一个原因:我们带着一套不健康的防御进入某个情境,最终结果没有改变,因为我们带来的还是那一套不健康的防御。
当然还有其他相关的动机。这里面有复杂性。但"强迫"的部分在于:我们会重新进入曾经不顺利的情境,带着一个想法——这次我要修复过去发生的事,我要让自己感觉好一些,我要抹去创伤的印记。因为记住,创伤是不受时钟和日历约束的。
所以你会看到一个人经历了五段看起来几乎一模一样的虐待关系,现在即将进入第六段。你会说,这大多数情况下不是因为那个人想要被伤害——有时候那是另一个问题。但我们内心可能有一种驱力去试图修复某些东西。如果这次我能成功,我就不用为前五次感到那么痛苦了。这是一种试图通过当前行为来改变过去的尝试,它植根于边缘系统以及创伤对我们的影响方式——超越时钟和日历之外的一种"魔法"。大脑会去追寻这种"魔法"。
但不健康的防御机制一定在起作用。一定有否认在。否则那个人会做出映射——同样的事情发生了五次,这次看起来一模一样,那结果大概率还是一样的。那个人在其他场景中是做得到这种推理的。所以每当你觉得一个人——通常那个人就是我们自己——足够聪明、足够见多识广,按理说应该"知道更好的选择"——而这种情况实在太常见了——那就去寻找答案。
你说,那个人难道不应该知道不要进入第六段虐待关系吗?答案是:是的,应该知道。因为如果你看到同样的情形发生了五次,映射出第六次会有相同的结果并不难。那个人在其他情境中完全做得到。所以你说,对,那是事实。现在让我们来看看为什么那个人在这里认不出来。于是我们再次回到自我结构和自我功能——防御机制的运作、显著性——就是我们现在在讨论的这些东西。
I work in a discipline that wants to put a number on everything, right. Label it as something and then do something about it, that's more often than not ineffective, right. Because we're not looking at things in a top-down way of what is human experience, what are the natural aspects of human experience that are less than ideal, right, that we can then understand and make better.
If we come at it that way, then we see, ah, this is a great example. Because here's where structure meets function, right. So on the structure side we said okay there's defense mechanisms and we imagine the branches, right, that are that are coming up from the unconscious mind, right. And here it meets function, right, defense mechanisms in action on the function side, then determining salience.
So what I would imagine in your example, my image is that your defensive structure when you're doing the thing that's effective, right, the professional decisions, right, looks elegant, right. Like there's harmony to where those branches are. The consciousness is sitting in between it. You can see you can see the elegance to it, right.
That I can just imagine shifting, right, when to when you're not doing the thing effectively, right. Because now you're using an entirely different defensive structure, which is going to function differently and create different salience. And I imagine that it's convoluted and you know that it's sort of piecemeal, that it's not something elegant, right.
So you say okay what does that actually mean? Let's translate it into what are the actual defenses. So let's think about what you're not doing when you're making good decisions in the professional realm, right. You are not using denial or avoidance or rationalization or projection or projective identification or acting out, right. There are all these things that you are not doing, that are the sort of unhealthy defenses beckoning to us. Like oh wouldn't it be easier to kick the can down the road, right. You know wouldn't it be easier to just, no no everything's okay, everything's going to work out okay. Wouldn't it be easier, instead of being angry at one person who is really intrinsic to the environment, if you, you know it's actually somebody else. You know, are you displacing it, projecting?
That's how people, that's how we get ourselves into trouble, right. And and if that's going on then that set of defense mechanisms in action, right, creates something that obscures the ability to make good judgment, right. But with none of those things going on, then what are you doing? You're applying your intelligence, you're applying your discernment, right. You're applying your desire to make things better. You're able to look at it, you're able to bring diligence, perseverance, right. You're able to bring healthy aspects of self to the question and decide, like oh I don't want this and it should be different, right.
And there, again, what's going on? There's a complexity under the surface but now we're coming up towards simplicity, right. We're coming up towards the things that are healthier, that are simplistic.
If we look then, okay what's going on if you're making the same mistakes over and over again, well we could, you know, we would dive under the hood and really look and say okay what are you doing there. But it has to be an array of unhealthy defenses, there's no other thing it could be.
So we would say okay, are you using avoidance, maybe a little, maybe a lot? What about denial? What about rationalization? What about projection? Like you know you go through the unhealthy defenses and and you see what is it that you're bringing to bear that is leading you astray. And then and then of course the goal is to use the the role modeling. And you role model for yourself how to be healthy, right. So let's take that role modeling and apply it to the thing you're carving out and and treating differently.
And and that's the reason when people talk about repetition compulsions, you know, that's, it's not a formal term, because because what we're really talking about is repetition, right. And we're interested like why why do we repeat things. Now that's one that's one reason, right. Because we bring an unhealthy set of defenses and then at the end of the day things come out the same because we're bringing an unhealthy set of defenses, right.
There can be other motivations that are related to all of that. And there's again there's complexity to it. But but the compulsion part can be that we can reenter situations that didn't go well with the idea that we're going to we're going to fix what happened in the past, we're going to make ourselves feel better, we're going to take away the mark of trauma, because remember trauma doesn't care about the clock or the calendar.
So that's why you'll see someone who has had, say, five abusive relationships that looked very much the same, right, and is about to enter the sixth, right. And you said, it's not because, hopefully in most cases, not because that person like wants to be hurt, right. I mean sometimes that's a different problem, right. But but there can be a drive inside of us to try and fix something. If I can make it work this time, I won't have to feel so bad about the other five, right. So an attempt to change the past through one's current actions, right. Which is rooted in the limbic system and how and how trauma affects us and how, again, it's outside the clock and the calendar. So that kind of magic so to speak can happen. So the brain can seek that magic.
But again there are unhealthy defenses coming into play, right. There has to be denial, right. Otherwise the person would map, you know, if the same thing happened five times and this looks the same, it's probably going to happen now, right. So so anytime you think a person, most often it's us, right, you know, is smart enough or worldly enough to like know better, which like happens all the time, right, then look for the answer, right.
You say well shouldn't that person know better than to get into the sixth abusive relationship? The answer is like yes, right. Like because it's not that hard, if you saw a set of circumstances five times, to map that the sixth is going to have the same outcome, right. The person would do that in other scenarios, right. So then you say right, that is true. So now let's look for why the person doesn't recognize that. And again we go down into the structure of self and the function of self, defense mechanisms and action, salience, the things that we're talking about now.
我在别人身上也看到这种现象。是的。这引出了各种各样的问题:那个人是不是在无意识中害怕车到达目的地?他们是不是其实害怕事情成功?我的意思是,这就涉及到……
And I see this in others as well. Yes. And and it raises all sorts of um questions like um is the person actually uh unconsciously afraid of the vehicle arriving where they want to go? Because then um, like are people actually afraid of things working out? Um I mean this gets to something that I'm...
我非常想强调这一点。我经常会觉得,在我实际做精神科临床工作的时候,我的教育背景中对我帮助最大的其实是我的数学辅修。因为这里面有很多数学的成分。人们往往觉得心理健康全是玄学,什么都可以说,没法证实也没法证伪。完全不是这样。
这里面有数学性的一面。如果一个人在生活的所有方面都能做出正确、合乎逻辑、合乎常理的事,只有一个领域除外,而且他的智商是解决这个问题所需要的一百倍——如果有这么一个"豁免区",我们就说这太值得关注了。在那里找到有趣发现的概率是100%。因为我们知道你有能力做得更好,你在其他地方也确实做得更好——但为什么偏偏在这里不行?
这就太有意思了。这就是"X标记的宝藏位置"。让我们去那里挖。当我们去挖的时候,一定会有发现。会发现什么呢?也许是一组不健康的防御机制阵列,也许是一个深层的无意识动机。可能会发现很多东西。但只要我们回到自我结构和自我功能的框架,就一定能找到。
X标记的地方意味着那里有宝藏。当我们搞清楚之后,就可以推动改变。如果是一个根植于创伤、由无意识动机驱动的不健康防御机制阵列——那就去看那个创伤,把无意识的东西带到意识层面。
然后我们就能让它变好。那组不健康的防御机制,确实不会一夜之间改变。但我们能否在相当短的时间内做出非常显著的改变?很可能可以。而且随着时间推移,几乎可以完全改变。所以这里面有一个数学性的维度,我觉得指出这一点非常重要。因为心理健康——即便作为一个领域——我们所有人都想要心理健康。它是有其内在逻辑的,它遵循科学,也遵循常识。如果我们运用这些东西,就能找到答案。
And I I so want to emphasize that, that I you know I will often think that the aspect of my education that's most helpful in me doing my job, when I'm when I'm in the job as as a practicing psychiatrist, is is actually my mathematics minor, right. Because there's a lot more math to this, right. People tend to think oh mental health, it's all it's all esoteric and you can sort of say anything, you know, anything you you want, and like there's no way of proving or disproving. It's it's not like that at all, right.
There's a mathematical aspect to it. So if you do the correct logical common sense thing, right, in all aspects of your life except one, and you're like a hundred times more intelligent than you need to be to figure it all out, right, then then if there's a carve-out we say look that's of huge interest, right. I mean the probability that we're going to find something interesting there's 100%, right. Because we know that you know better, we know that you do better, but but why, why here?
So like that's so interesting, right. Like that's where the X marks the spot. Like let's go dig there, right. So then when we go and dig there, like we're going to find something, right. And and we'll see, what is that? Like do we find that like oh it's an array of of really unhealthy defense mechanisms, maybe we find that. Do we find that there's a deep unconscious motivation, right? Like we might find that too, right. We might find a lot of things, right. But we're going to find them if we go back to what is the structure of self, what is the function of self.
If we go and look, like that X marks the spot means there's pay dirt there, right. And then when we figure that out then we go through and we can make things change. So if it's a deep-seated, trauma-driven unconscious motivation that is resulting in an unhealthy array of defense mechanisms, well let's go look at that, right. Let's look at the trauma, let's take the thing that's unconscious and and bring it to consciousness, right.
Then we can make that better. And that array of unhealthy defenses, again we're not going to change it overnight. But can we change it very very significantly pretty rapidly? Probably yes. And we can almost entirely change it across time. So there's a mathematical aspect of this that I think is so important to point out. Because you know mental health, just even as a field, right, just, I mean, we all want to be mentally healthy. Like there's a rhyme and reason to it that yes it follows science and yes it also follows common sense. And if we apply those things we get to answers.
回到自我功能这个话题——再提醒一下我自己和大家:它从自我觉察开始,涉及防御机制的实际运作,然后是显著性——关注我们内在和外在的东西。接着你描述了很多关于选择、决策和行为的内容。
我想对于试图改善自我、达到主动性与感恩状态的人来说,关注所有这些层面都很重要。但当然,如果防御机制是无意识的,我们不能简单地决定"好,我现在要看到那个无意识的防御机制"。
那是不是意味着我们应该自问什么对我们最显著?还是应该聚焦于我们的行为选择?在我刚才举的例子中,我是能觉察到自己的行为选择的——决定与某些人来往、不与其他人来往。
但我是否应该问自己:什么是显著的?做出那个决定之前的想法是什么?换句话说,内在和外在线索与过程的显著性如何与行为相关联?如果我们的目标是最终改变行为,我们应该关注什么?
Thinking about the functions of self, and again just to remind myself and and other people, it starts with self-awareness, involves defense mechanisms in action, then there's the salience piece, paying attention to what's inside of us as well as what's external. And then you're now describing a lot of you know choices, choice-making and and behavior and action. Yes.
I have to assume that for for the person trying to improve themselves and get to agency and gratitude, uh that paying attention to all of these is is important. But of course if a defense mechanism is unconscious we can't simply decide okay I'm going to see the unconscious defense mechanism.
Does that mean that we should ask ourselves about what is most salient to us, um or should we be focusing on our behavioral choices? I mean in the example I just gave I'm aware of my behavioral choices, making certain decisions to engage with certain people and and not with others.
Uh but should I be asking for instance you know what's salient, like like what are the thoughts leading up to that decision? Um in other words how does salience of internal and external uh cues and processes um relate to behavior, and which of these should we be paying attention to if our goal is to eventually change our behavior?
而且要意识到,我们正在构建的、正在创造的可能是一份配方。不同抽屉里的东西可能会相互重叠。把这个翻译成实际操作就是:如果要找到困扰我们的东西的答案——为什么我们在重复不想重复的事情——或者即使一切还行但我们想更好,因为还没有感受到我们想要的平静和满足——那就到处去找。
在自我功能中,从"我"开始。增强自我觉察的方式有很多——从自我反省到冥想到照镜子。有很多事情可以帮助我们更强烈地感受到:存在着一个"我",这个"我"正在经历人生。
接下来我们知道有防御机制在场、在我们身上运作。我们不能直接看到它们,因为它们是无意识的,但如果我们开始思考它们,就能了解它们。
这就是显著性发挥作用的地方。显著性是双向的。它可以指向无意识心智——"我意识到我在反复做这件事,或者在反复对自己说同一句话,这到底从哪来的?"我们开始对自己产生好奇,向无意识心智探索。同时我们也关注意识心智。
这就是为什么在显著性之后是行为——我在做什么?很多时候我们并不知道。我们不知道自己为什么在做某些事情。一个想减肥的人每次去超市回来都对购物车里出现不该吃的东西感到惊讶——我为什么会这样?为什么某些事情困扰我而其他的不会?为什么我对某件事特别敏感,对另一件事却不是?为什么有些事困扰别人却不困扰我,反之亦然?
我们在审视内心正在发生什么,以及我们如何回应。因为内心正在发生的事——无论是意识的还是无意识的——决定了我在周围世界中如何行动、如何表现。如果我想要一份更好的工作但从不去面试,我不会得到新工作。如果我想要一个伴侣但自动回避每一个对我微笑的人,我不会找到伴侣。
如果我想让生活变得更好,而有某件事我在反复做却不想重复,我就需要更好地理解自己以改变行为。这就是为什么自我功能以"追求"(strivings)作为终点。因为追求指向未来。我知道有一个"我",我知道有一个防御机制运作的网络,我知道内心有显著性在起作用——从成千上万件可以关注的事中,我只会关注其中几件。我想对此有觉察,有更多的掌控。
然后我在行动,我在与周围的世界互动。最终我有所渴望。我想让生活变得更好,我想达到那种可以企及的感觉。我想处于主动性与感恩的状态。
所以这两大支柱——自我结构和自我功能——所有答案都在里面。它们就是所有的抽屉。自我结构中有五个抽屉,自我功能中有五个抽屉。我们会把它做成一份PDF供大家参考。因为你可以回去看那些抽屉,那里面有绝大多数的答案——既有关于理解的,也有关于通向改变的路径的。
And also realize what we are building, right, what we are creating may be a recipe. There may be things from different cupboards that overlap. So the way to translate that practically is to say, to find the answers to what what is either ailing us, why we're repeating things we don't want to repeat, or even if things are going okay but we want them to be going better because we don't quite feel the peace and contentment we want to feel, then look everywhere.
So in the function of self, start with the I, right. There are ways of increasing self-awareness, you know, they can range from contemplation of self to meditation to looking in the mirror, right. There are things that we can do to more strongly emphasize to ourselves that there is an I and this I is going through life, right.
Then we know that there are defense mechanisms and that they're present, that they're acting in us, right. We can't just see them because they're unconscious, but if we start thinking about them we can learn about them, right.
And that's where salience comes into play. Salience kind of points both ways, right. Salience can point us towards the unconscious mind, right. Oh I I realize I'm doing this over and over again, or I'm saying this thing to myself over and over again, where's that coming from? We start becoming curious about ourselves and we look to the unconscious mind. And then we also look to the conscious mind.
That that's why after salience is behavior, like what am I doing, right? And a lot of times we don't know. Just examples of, we don't know why we're doing things, right. Someone who wants to lose weight but always goes to the grocery store and comes home and is like has some sense of surprise that there are things there that they don't want to eat, right. Like why am I behaving in a certain way? Why do certain things bother me when other things don't, right? Why am I really touchy about one thing and not another? Why might there be things that bother others and not me, or vice versa, right?
So so you know we're looking at what's going on inside of us and then how we respond, right. Because how, what may be upsetting me, or what's going on inside of me, both conscious and unconscious, right, is then determining how I'm acting, how I'm behaving in the world around me. If I want a better job but I never take an interview for another job, I'm not going to get another job. If I want a romantic partner but I automatically turn away from anyone who smiles at me, I'm not going to have a romantic partner, right.
If I want life to be better and there's a certain thing I repeat and I don't want to repeat, I want to understand myself better so I can change the behavior. And that's why the the function of self ends with strivings, right. Because strivings are into the future. I know there is an I, I know there's a network and web of defense mechanisms in action, I know that there's salience going on inside of me and I'm only going to pay attention to a few things from the thousands I could pay attention to. I want to be aware of that and have more control over that.
Then I'm enacting behaviors, I'm engaging in the world around me. And ultimately I want things, right. I want life to be better, I want to have that feeling that you can get to. I want to be in the state of of agency and gratitude.
So again these two pillars, structure of self, function of self, that's where all the answers are. So they're all the cupboards, right. There are these five cupboards in the structure of self and five in the function of self. And I know there'll be a, you know we'll have it out there in a PDF, right. Because you can go back there and that's where the vast majority of answers are, to both understanding and routes to change.
但就像我那个通过行为改变减了很多体重的朋友——恐惧仍然非常强烈地存在于他体内。所以很明显,表面下还有一些东西在起作用。幸运的是他确实减了体重而且大部分保持住了,但我很清楚,在他处理那些显著性、防御机制、自我觉察等方面的深层问题之前,他仍然经历的恐惧是完全可以理解的,因为那个改变的根基远不如它本可以的那样稳固。
But um much as with the example of my friend who lost all this weight through behavioral change, that the fear still lives within him very very strongly. And so clearly there's some some stuff happening underneath there. Now fortunately he did lose the weight and he's kept most of it off, but it's clear to me that until he addresses some of these other issues of salience and uh defense mechanisms, self-awareness, etc., that um the fear he's still experiencing makes total sense, because the foundation of that change is not nearly as strong as it could be.
我想再重申一下你说的:这个结构、这张理想状态和到达路径的路线图有一个PDF版本,链接已经放在节目备注和字幕中了,大家可以在那里以视觉化的形式参考。
如果你有兴趣理解自己、尽可能多地拥有生活中的美好,那你就会对心智的结构感兴趣。这意味着你对无意识心智感兴趣——每秒钟发生的上百万件我们逐一不知道也不理解的事情,但我们可以从整体上去探索和更好地理解。
我们同样对意识心智感兴趣,对保持自我觉察感兴趣。我们对防御机制的阵列感兴趣——它们是优雅的、光线能清楚穿透的,还是在扭曲光线、制造误解?如果你对心智结构感兴趣,你也会对性格结构感兴趣。你的性格结构是什么样的?围绕一切的那个"巢"是什么?你如何与世界互动?然后你关心从中生长出来的自我——从现象学的角度,也就是你对自我的体验是什么,它带给你什么感觉。这些都是健康与幸福这根支柱的重要组成部分。
另一根支柱是心智的功能。当然它们之间有重叠,不同的抽屉,但所有抽屉里的成分合在一起就构成了那份配方。所以如果我们对心智功能感兴趣,就要注意到有一个"我"——我们要有自我觉察,要培养自我觉察。我们也关注那些防御机制在实际运作中是如何工作的。什么在我们内心和外在世界中是显著的?我们在关注什么?我们如何行事?我们的追求是什么?我们对自己和周围的世界是否感到希望?
如果我们对所有这些都感兴趣,就不得不心生敬畏——这一切是多么复杂。生活是艰难的,理解自己也是艰难的。生活中可以有美好的喜悦,但它确实很难。每一天都很难。试图理解自己、走向这些承载着答案的支柱——这些过程不可能不让我们对一切产生敬意。而对自己、对他人的敬意带来的就是谦逊。
当我们开始审视自己、探索自己的时候,我们确实变得更有力量了。因为我们获得了大量的知识,我们在有宝藏的地方挖掘,我们在弄清楚事情。伴随着这份赋能而来的是谦逊——对这一切有多困难、我们有多复杂、我们可以在生活中创造幸福但这绝非易事的敬畏。
我们带着赋能和谦逊去表达它们。如果我们在表达赋能和谦逊,我们就会活在主动性和感恩之中。
所以这两个都是主动的词。先说主动性(agency)——这比较容易理解,这是一个主动的词。我意识到自己有能力将自己投射到周围的世界中。我知道我不能控制一切,但我在真正努力去理解:我能控制什么?如何控制?我现在的决策会在未来带来什么?所以主动性是非常主动的。
感恩同样是主动的。因为我们在积极地带入一种感恩——感恩于我们在这里这件令人惊叹的事实,为自己和他人能在这里并努力向前而感到自豪。然后我们把这种感恩带到我们的互动中。我们更可能对他人做出善意的举动,而不是发怒。我们更可能说出有同理心的话——包括对自己——而不是说出愤怒的话。
感恩伴随着主动性,它们是主动的词,而且是共同作用的。如果我们的生活以主动性和感恩为引领——关于这一点有大量的智慧、大量的研究和著述。如果你去看这些告诉了我们什么——记住,越往上走越简单。无意识心智最复杂,现在我们到了:我们能否以主动性和感恩为最前线来过生活?
那它为我们带来什么?我认为它带来的正是我们所追寻的。我们可能说我们追求幸福,而幸福可以有很多含义。它可以是一个非常即时的东西——我此刻快乐吗?有时我们甚至用快乐来分散自己的注意力。快乐很重要,但当人们真正思考他们想要什么,或者他们已经拥有什么——如果他们为活着而感到欣喜若狂——他们找到的是一种平静感、一种满足感、一种能够感到愉悦的能力。这就是人们想要的。我们的人类历史、我们的探寻和我们自身的经历都在告诉我们这一点。
现在有人可能会想:这是什么意思?是某个在山顶悬浮的人吗?这只是一种状态吗?答案是不。有时候我们确实可以处于那种状态——感到平静,内心没有紧张感。我也有内心完全没有紧张的时刻。有满足感、有平静、不需要驱动自己朝任何方向前进。
但这不是被动的体验,因为我们在过着生活。这种感觉与我们内在的一种驱力相伴而行——当我们处于健康状态时,我们过着生活,我们做出的决定,推动一切落地的,是我们内在的生成性驱力(generative drive)。
有一种驱力要让事情变得更好、去理解、去探索。正是这种驱力,我们去获取并培养它。与幸福同义的不仅仅是那种状态。当人们想要那种非常笼统意义上的幸福时——是的,满足、平静、愉悦。但它们是在我们过着生活的过程中发生的——在我们践行生成性驱力的过程中,我们审视自己和周围的世界,我们对理解有兴趣,对让事情变得更好有兴趣。
那就是我们试图抵达的地方。我全心全意相信这一点,用我的心也用我的脑。我的教育、训练、经验,以及生活的经验。二十年来与人们一起做这项工作告诉我:这就是我们所追寻的,这是一种主动地体验自己和我们在生命中位置的方式。
Um I did want to reiterate what you said which is that there is a PDF version of this, this structure, this road map of ideals and how to get there, um that's been provided as a link in the show note captions, um so people can refer to them there in visual form if they like.
If you're interested in understanding yourself and in having goodness in your life as much as you possibly can, then you're interested in the structure of the mind. And and this means that you're interested in the unconscious mind, in all the things that go on, a million things a second, that we don't know or understand one by one, but that we can explore and understand better in total.
We're also interested in the conscious mind, in being self-aware. We're interested in the array of defense mechanisms and whether or not they're elegant and light passes clearly through them, or whether they're distorting light and creating misperception, right. If you're interested in the structure of the mind then you're also interested in the character structure. Like what is your character structure, what is the nest around all of it, how do you interface with the world? And then you're interested in the self that you grow from that, phenomenologically, meaning what is your experience of self, how does it feel to you. These are all important parts of this pillar of health and happiness.
The other pillar is the function of the mind. And of course there's overlap there, different cupboards, but the cupboards all contain different ingredients that together make the recipe, right. So if we're interested in the function of the mind then we want to pay attention that there's an I, like we want to be self-aware and we want to cultivate self-awareness. We're also interested in how those defense mechanisms work when they're in action, right. What's salient inside of us and outside of us, what are we paying attention to, how are we behaving, what are our strivings, do we feel hopeful about ourselves and the world around us.
And if we're interested in all of these things we can't help but be respectful, right, of just how complicated this is. Like life is difficult and understanding ourselves is is difficult. You know, wonderful joy can come of living life, but it is hard. And it's hard day by day. And trying to understand ourselves, going to these places, these pillars that hold the answers, right, they they can't but make in us a respect for all of it, right. And the respect for ourselves, for others, brings with it humility, right.
When we come to this point of looking at ourselves and exploring, then yes we become empowered, right. Because we've gained a lot of knowledge, right. We're digging where the pay dirt is and we're figuring things out. And along with that empowerment comes humility, a respectfulness for how difficult all of this is, how complicated we are, how we can make happiness in our lives but how it certainly isn't easy.
And we take with us the empowerment and the humility and we express them, right. And if we're expressing empowerment and humility we come to living through agency and gratitude.
So here, both are active words. So agency, it's it's easier to see, right. It's an active word where I'm aware of my ability to to project myself into the world around me. I know that I can't control everything, right. But I'm really trying to understand what can I control, right, how can I control it, what what do my decisions now lead to in the future. So agency is very very active, right.
Gratitude is active too, right. Because we're bringing an active sense of gratitude, sense of the amazingness that we're here, and and pride in ourselves and others for being here and and trying to move forward as best we can. And then we bring that to our interactions. We're much more likely to have a kind gesture towards others instead of being angry. We're much more likely to have something compassionate to say, including to ourselves, than we are to have something angry to say.
That gratitude accompanies agency, they're they're active words and they're active together. And if we're living life through agency and gratitude, I mean there's a lot of wisdom about this, there's a lot that's been written and researched about this. And if you look at what is it telling us, right, remember things are getting simpler, right, as we're getting higher up the the levels here, right. The unconscious mind is most complicated. Now we're at, hey, can we live our lives with agency and gratitude at the forefront?
And what does it bring for us? And I think it brings what we are seeking. That we might say okay we're seeking happiness, and that can mean a lot of things, you know, a lot of different things. It can be a very active thing, am I happy in the moment. And we can use happiness sometimes to distract ourselves. Like happiness is important, but words, when people really think like what is it that they want, or what is it that they have, right, if if they're they're they're overjoyed to be alive, right. They're finding a sense of peace, they're finding contentment, they're finding delight, the ability to be delighted, right. This is what people want. Our our human history and our our searchings tell us this and our own experiences tell us this.
And and now it could lead a person to think well okay what's going on, I mean is is this someone who's you know levitating at the top of a mountain. Like is this just a state, is this a state that people are in? And and the answer is no. It, sometimes we could be in that state where we can feel peace, there's no tension inside of us, right. I could feel, I have times when I don't feel tension inside of me. There's contentment, there's peace, I don't have to drive towards anything, right.
But it it's not the passive experience of it, because we are living life. It's that that feeling goes hand in hand with a drive within us, that when we're in this healthy place we are living life, the decisions that we're making, what is putting the rubber to the road, it is a generative drive within us.
There is a drive to make things better, to understand, to explore. And it's that drive that we access and cultivate. And synonymous with happiness is, it's not just the the state. When people want to be happy in that very very general way, yes, contentment, peace, delight, right. But but they're happening as we're living life, right, as we're enacting a generative drive where we're looking at ourselves and the world around us and we're interested in understanding, we're interested in making things better.
And that's the place that we're trying to get to. I believe that with all my with all my heart and my and my brain, right. My education, training, experience, and also experience living living life. And and for 20 years doing this work with people tells me this is what we're seeking and it's an active way of of experiencing ourselves and our place in life.
能否跟我们多讲讲生成性驱力,以及它在不同类型的人身上如何表现?它总是正面的吗?会不会有太多的情况?我确实认识一些对工作上瘾的人——听众朋友们,说到这我正在举手。但我想说现在我不像以前那么沉迷于工作了,因为我现在从更少的工作中获得了更多的满足感——前提是那些工作是真正深入的。我觉得在研究生院有那么几年我想发很多论文,然后很快就在导师们不太温柔的引导下意识到:不如就做我们能做的最好的研究吧,那里面有更多的丰富性、经验和收获。
所以我对生成性驱力有一些自己的理解。但也许你能进一步阐述一下什么是生成性驱力?它是与平静、满足和愉悦同时到来的,还是在它们之前?它能从中分离出来吗?生成性驱力到底是什么?
Um could you tell us more about generative drive and and how this shows up in different types of people? Um is it always positive, can there be too much of it? Um I certainly know a number of people who are addicted to work, for those of you listening I'm raising my hand. Um but I would say nowadays I'm not as addicted to work as I once was in the sense that I derive far more satisfaction from less work now, provided that the work is really in-depth. You know I think that there were years in in graduate school where I wanted to publish a bunch of papers and then quickly realized um through the not-so-gentle persuasion of my my mentors that like let's just do the best possible work we can do, and there's so much more richness and and experience and things to be gained from that.
So I'm familiar with generative drive as as I understand it. But maybe if you could flush out a bit of what generative drive is. And and does it arrive um in parallel with, or before, we are able to access peace, contentment, and delight? Um can it even be separated out from that? Um now what what is this generative drive?
这一点经常被误解。攻击性可以是主动的暴力攻击,但攻击性也可以是一种主动性的感觉——agency的施行。我想做事情,我想改变事物,我想让世界变得不一样。这些都归在这个驱力之下。所以攻击性驱力不是坏事。如果我们没有任何攻击性驱力,按照理论我们就会躺下来,什么也不会发生,然后我们都消失了。
所以这种内在的驱力以某种方式推动我们向前。当然,我们如何表现出太多或太少,防御机制如何与驱力交织,都是极其复杂的。但驱力就在那里,它就像伴随存在而来的燃料。这些燃料如何推动我们前行、有多少燃料,取决于驱力与我们生活方式的啮合。
快乐驱力也是同理。快乐驱力并不只是说我们内心都想当享乐主义者。它意味着我们想要获得满足感,我们想要感觉良好。这不仅仅是对肉体快感的追求——性欲、吃东西、舒适感——虽然这些都可以是其中一部分,但它是对缓解的追求。我们不想紧握着拳头白费力气地过完一生,苦苦追寻快感和解脱。
所以,内心有攻击性驱力、紧握着拳头过日子、寻找某种快感和解脱——这些驱力可以是健康的也可以是不健康的,可以是任何样子。它们是我们内在的源泉,驱动我们向前。
关于是否存在生成性驱力是有争议的,这个领域中确实有一些人不这么认为。但也有很多深入的思想家认为我们确实有生成性驱力——我们内在有一种力量去环顾四周、去好奇、去惊叹。去想"我怎样能参与这件事并让它变得更好、更快乐"。去超越自我地思考——如果我感觉很好而你在痛苦中,我能不能让你好受一些?这跟我自己毫无关系。利他主义浮现出来,内在的勤勉也浮现出来。
生成性驱力存在的观点,当你观察人类在不挣扎时的行为就会得到加强。人们对学习有兴趣。想想人们为学习付出了多少,为服务他人付出了多少。这个世界上有那么多善意。
当然如果你把人隔绝起来——想象一个人从出生起就被单独监禁——生成性驱力就没有机会蓬勃发展。我们看到太多太多生成性驱力发展不足的情况——周围的暴力、缺乏机会——这些都可以扼杀一个人的生成性驱力。任何人的生成性驱力都可能被扼杀。
但如果我们给自己机会,如果我们足够健康——没有被创伤、疾病和对自我的错误认知所压垮——能够以一种让我们达到主动性与感恩的方式生活,那我们就在与生成性驱力结盟。我绝对相信生成性驱力存在于我们每个人内心。
看看生活,看看人类。我们能观察到这种驱力在我们身上。如果这种驱力在最前面,如果它自然而然地与主动性和感恩结盟,那我相信我们就到达了我们最终追寻的那个地方。
我们可以在短暂的时间段内找到它。通过在自己的心理治疗和反思中真正强烈地追寻,通过努力去理解,我可以有一些时间段感受到那种状态。我能感受到向外的生长和对世界的兴趣,我感觉良好。我不是在试图回答"我为什么活着"之类的问题——我在做让我感觉良好的事情,我为做这些事情和存在于这个世界而感觉良好。
我觉得这并不罕见。在那些据说"不太发达"的社会里——也就是干扰更少的地方,或者不用不断接收世界上可能发生的各种可怕事情的信息的地方——这种体验可能更为常见。
这里面还有很多其他的问题和话题。但我绝对相信我们内在有这种生成性驱力,它想要与主动性和感恩结盟。我们每个人都有能力将它们带到前台,找到我们所追寻的那个东西。有人叫它涅槃,有人叫它喜悦、幸福、平静或麻木——不管叫什么。其中有某种东西,让我们不再感受内心的紧张、焦虑和压力,而是感受到一种善意和美好。
Now this often gets misunderstood, that so aggression can be uh, it can be active violent aggression for example. But aggression can also be sort of a sense of agency, right. The enaction of agency. Like I I want to do things, I want to change things, I want to I want to make the world a different place, right. That that all of that comes under this drive. So so an aggressive drive is not a bad thing. If we had no aggressive drives, the thought is we just lie down and nothing else would happen and then we'd all be gone, right.
So so there's a way in which this drive within us moves us forward, right. And of course it's extremely complicated, the ways we can manifest too much of it or too little of it, or how our defense mechanisms can intertwine with the drive. But the drive is there, it's like it's fuel within us that comes with our existence. And then how that fuel moves us forward, how much of it there is, that is determined by the meshing of the drive with how we're living life, right.
And the same would be true of pleasure. You know the pleasure drive doesn't just mean like we all want to be hedonists, right, inside. It means that we want things that are gratifying, right. We want to feel good, right. This isn't just, you know, the drive towards physical pleasure, like a sex drive or or eating food or having comfort. Like all of that can be part of it, but it's a drive for relief, right. The idea that we don't want to be white-knuckling life, right, searching for pleasure.
So having aggression within us as we white-knuckle life and we search for some pleasure and and relief, right. These drives within us can be healthy, they can be unhealthy, you know, they can be anything, right. They're they're they're wellsprings within us that then fuel us forward.
And there's controversy to the idea of is there a generative drive, and there's certainly parts of the field that do not think so, right. But there have been strong thinkers in the field that have thought we do have a generative drive, that it is within us to look around us, to be curious, to be amazed, right. To think like how how can I engage with this and make this better or happier. To think outside of ourselves, right. To think, if I if if I feel good and you're in pain can I make you feel better, right? Having nothing to do with me, right. The the idea of altruism coming to the fore and having industriousness within us, right.
And and the idea that there's a generative drive, it it's strengthened when you look at how humans behave when, you know, we're not struggling, right. That that people are interested in learning, you know. You think about how how much people give of themselves to learning, right, or to serving others. Like there's so much of this goodness in the world around us.
Now if we shut people away, right, they have no, you know, imagine you know, God forbid, someone is in a solitary confinement from the moment they're born. You know, then there there's not an opportunity for the generative drive to thrive, right. And we see so many so many situations where it doesn't thrive enough, right. You know violence in people's surroundings, lack of opportunities, right, that we can squelch a generative drive. Anyone's generative drive.
But if we give ourselves opportunities, if you know if we're healthy, that we're not weighed down by trauma and illness and misperceptions of self, and we can live life in a way that brings us to agency and gratitude, now we're allying with the generative drive that I absolutely believe is within us.
I think, just look at life, look at human beings. We observe that we have this drive within us. And if that drive is at the forefront and that drive then naturally of course allies with agency and gratitude, then I think we're at the place that is the place we we ultimately seek, right.
And that we can find it for brief periods of time. So so by really pursuing this and and like really strongly in my own therapy and reflection and attempts to understand, I can have periods of time where I can feel that way. I I can feel outward growth and interest in the world and and I feel good. I'm not trying to answer some question of like why am I alive, or, like, I'm doing things that I feel good about and I feel good about doing those things and about being in the world.
And and I think this is not uncommon. You know it may be far more common in societies that are allegedly less advanced, right, that is, have less distractions, or maybe you know less uh knowledge of of all the awful things in the world that can happen to us that are constantly fed to us.
Like there's there a whole bunch of other questions and topics about it. But but this this, you know, I have this absolute belief that there's this generative drive in us that wants to ally with agency and gratitude, and that we all have it within us to bring those to the forefront and to find that thing that we seek. Whether some, this person says it's Nirvana, the other person says it's joy or happiness or peace or numbing, you know, whatever it is. There's there's something to it where we're not feeling the tension within us, we're not feeling the anxiety, the pressures, but we're feeling a sense of goodness.
如果我们被平静、满足和愉悦的能力所充盈,那我们正在做的就是提升生成性驱力。我们在创造让生成性驱力走到最前面、成为首要驱力的条件——超越攻击性驱力和快乐驱力。记住,我们不是要消除那些驱力,我们只是想让生成性驱力占据首位。
这样我们就能够驾驭攻击性驱力——比如通过强烈的主动性感来引导它,推动主动性向前——而不是变成破坏性的攻击。对快乐的追求,当然可以包括以健康合理的方式享受身体快感,但也包括学习的快乐、利他主义带来的快乐。
我们可以把我们知道存在于内心的攻击性驱力和快乐驱力调到合适的位置。这变得非常复杂——很容易调得太高,也容易调得太低。但如果两者都在服务于生成性驱力——因为我们通过能够处理好自己的生活、理解自己、回到那两根支柱并在其上建设、从而获得主动性与感恩、继而达到平静、满足与愉悦来提升生成性驱力——我们就能把这一切整合在一起。
我们就真正地以一种对自己好、对周围世界好的主动方式在活着,不再带着渴望感或内心的紧张感。
If we are suffused with peace, contentment, the ability to delight, then what we're doing is we're raising up the generative drive. We're making conditions that are permissive for the generative drive to come to the forefront, right, to be paramount over the aggressive and the pleasure drives, right. And remember we're not trying to get rid of those drives, right. We just want the generative drive in us to be at the forefront.
Then we'll be able to harness the aggressive drive through, for example, a strong sense of agency, fueling the sense of agency forward, as opposed to destructive aggression, right. The search for pleasure, which sure can include physical pleasures in in ways that are good and reasonable and healthy for us, but also the pleasure of learning, right, the pleasure that altruism brings.
That we can take the aggressive drive that we know is in us and the pleasure drive that we know is in us and we can dial them to the right places. Like this gets very complicated and it's easy to dial that too far up and it's easy to dial it too far down, right. But if both are serving the generative drive, because we lift up the generative drive and we bring it to primacy by being able to handle our lives, to understand ourselves, to go back to those pillars and to build upon it the agency and the gratitude that then leads us to peace, contentment, and delight, we can put all of this together.
And like we're really and truly living in an active way in the world that's good for us, good for the world around us, and doesn't leave us with a sense of yearning or sense of tension within us.
我注意到,如果我读一篇科学论文、一个书的章节,或者做一些有点认知难度的事情,从中获得的满足感是巨大的。那不一定是当天就能用上的知识。但对我来说,学习——以及经常把学到的东西分享给世界上的人,不管他们想不想听——这是我的快乐循环的一部分。
而且我发现,如果我在早上没有以一种有挑战性的方式获取一些新知识,我感觉齿轮还在转但开始失去能量。但如果我找到了特别有趣的东西、把它写下来、感觉我掌握了它——这就是我如此享受学习的地方,就像它进去了,也许将来有用也许没用,但就像一只动物找到了一个工具,将来也许能用它更有效地觅食。
我从中获得如此巨大的满足感,然后发现自己有巨大的能量去做接下来的任何事——不管是锻炼、继续学习、准备播客、写基金申请还是写论文。我精神生活的这个特征如此突出,以至于我几乎每天都得强迫自己去做。现在世界上有太多干扰,我已经到了一个不得不强迫自己去做那件我知道对我有效的事的地步。但当我做了,感觉就像化学火箭燃料一样。
而且它不会让我变得躁狂或疯狂,我不需要拿起电话打给别人或到处跟人说或发社交媒体。更多的是一种深层的满足感,我从中获得能量。这就是生成性驱力吗?
And I've noticed that if I read a scientific paper, or if I read a chapter in a book, or if I um do something that feels a little bit difficult, cognitively difficult in particular, that um the sense of satisfaction that I get from that is immense. And it it's not necessarily the case that I have to learn something that I'm going to use that day. But for me, learning and um and often learning and sharing what I learn uh with the world, whether or not they want to hear it or not, um is part of my uh pleasure loop.
And um and I've learned that if I don't capture some new knowledge in a way that's challenging um in the morning time, um I I feel like the gears are still turning but but I start to lose energy. Whereas if I find something interesting in particular and and I write it down and and I feel like I own it, that's what I enjoy so much about learning, it's like it's in there, maybe it'll be useful at some point maybe it won't. But it's like a, it's like an animal finding a tool that it can maybe use to forage more more effectively later in life.
I I get such a sense of satisfaction that then I find that I have immense energy to do whatever is next, like whether or not that's exercise or learn more or prepare a podcast or write a grant or um or work on a paper. And this feature of my mental life is so prominent that um I almost have to force myself to do it each day. And there are so many distractions in the world nowadays that I've come to a place where I almost have to force myself to do what I know works for me. Um but when I do it, it feels like almost like a chemical rocket fuel.
And and it doesn't make me manic or crazy, I don't need to pick up the phone and call somebody or tell everybody about it or post on social media. It's more of a deep sense of satisfaction and and I get energy from it. Is that the generative drive?
生成性驱力的表现方式跟人一样多种多样。有些方法对某个人有效,其他方法对另一个人有效。但你说的是:我知道这个方法对我有用,即使有时候不容易做到,我还是去做了,然后看看它给我带来了什么。这是非常健康的。
就像知道这个东西对你有用,然后你就投入其中,因为你的生成性驱力得到了它的强力支持。然后你有了那种美好的感觉——平静、一种整体的善意感、满足和愉悦。你在学习和教学中获得这些。
所以你在弄清楚什么对你有效。你不一定非要通过这个框架来弄清楚。如果有些部分不起作用,我们就回去找出原因。
也许一个好的例子是:假设有一个人非常喜欢园艺,从中获得很多。生成性驱力以及它的展现方式跟人一样千差万别,但可以有一些共同的表现。对培育植物、打理花园的享受在人类中并不罕见。
想象一个人已经有一段时间不做园艺了。他们真的很想做,有那个驱力。后院有一块他们曾经精心照料的地。他们不做的原因可能有很多——也许他们抑郁了需要心理健康治疗,也许只是偏离了原来的轨道,也许防御机制有了一些变化。不管什么原因,他们回到那两根支柱去弄清楚。
现在他们与自己和谐了,通过主动性和感恩生活。他们感觉:我可以回到那里去翻土、拿出锄头、整好地块、播下种子、精心照料。即使——即使我曾经抑郁过、即使五个月前有人伤害了我、即使我失去了工作、即使、即使、即使——他们克服了那些"即使"。
主动性告诉他们:我能去做那件事。而感恩的意义在于,一个痛苦不堪、对生活充满绝望的人——因为被攻击、失去工作或遇到了某些坏事——或者沉浸在犬儒主义中的人,是不会有感恩的。那种感恩是对生命的感恩、对有能力回去在花园里播种的感恩。这就是主动性与感恩的结盟。
然后那个人去做了。想想那里发生了什么。他们做了这件事,对此感觉很好。他们可以望着花园,感到一些平静,感到满足。对他们而言,为自己所做的感到愉悦。回忆起曾经多么热爱这件事,它对自己意味着多少。
是的,那种美好来了,那种美好充盈着我们,它进一步提升了生成性驱力——它说,没错,这是好的。我们为它注入了一些生命力——足以完成那个花园。现在生成性驱力因为这个人感受到的美好而被进一步向前推动。
想想那个对比:一个人想要花园、对自己感觉糟糕、什么都没做,每次望向窗外都觉得难受——他们就一直站在窗前望着。这种状态与已经建好了花园、望向窗外看到自己的作品之间,是天壤之别。
那个望着窗外自己建造的花园的人——克服了内心的种种障碍,因为他们去面对并证明了自己可以——这就是我们在生活中追寻的。我们都知道这一点。它看起来不像一个在山顶悬浮的人。它看起来就是那样:一个人望着窗外的花园,回想着自己克服了什么才创造出这个花园,看到了其中所有的美好。
I mean there's many different manifestations of the generative drive as there are people, right. So some things are going to work for some person, other things are going to work for a different person, right. But but but you're saying that hey I know this thing works for me, and even though sometimes it's not easy to do, I do it, and then look what it gets for me, right. And that's that's really healthy, right.
It's like knowing that this thing works for you and then you become committed to it because your generative drive is is is really strongly supported by it, right. And then you have this sense of good feeling, right. So then you have you have the peace and you have the, you just the overall sense of goodness, right. The you know, peace and contentment and delight. You're getting that in learning and in teaching.
So so you you're figuring out like hey this works for me, right. And again you don't have to figure it out through this lens. It's, if we find parts that aren't working then we go back and we figure them out, right.
Maybe a good example maybe is um so let's say you take someone who who really enjoys gardening and gets something out of gardening, right. So there are as many generative drives and how they're measured out as there are humans. But there can be common outcomes of them, right. So the enjoyment of of fostering plants, growing a garden, is like, that's not uncommon in humans, right.
So imagine someone who hasn't been doing that, right. They really want to, they have a drive to do it. There's a plot of land in the back that they used to cultivate, right. So if they're not doing it, there any number of reasons. Maybe maybe they were depressed and they needed mental health treatment. Maybe they just got away from the path that they were on. Maybe their defenses shifted a little bit. Whatever the case may be, they go back to the pillars and they figure it out, right.
And now they're in accord with themselves, right. And they're living through agency and gratitude. And they feel like, right, I can go back out there and I can till that land, I can you know I can get the hoe out, I can you know I can make the plots, I'm going to put the seeds in, I'm going to nurture. Like I can go do that. And I can do it even, what, even though I was depressed, even though somebody assaulted me five months ago, you know, even though I lost my job, even though, even though, even though, right. They overcome the even-thoughs, right.
And the sense of agency tells them, right, I can go do that, right. And the sense of gratitude, no one who's miserable and and and now is, you know, is in such an awful position about life, because they were attacked or lost their job or something bad happened, whatever it may be, or they're lost in cynicism, there's no gratitude there, right. It's a gratitude for being in life, for having the capability of going back and and planting seeds in that garden. That's the alliance between agency and gratitude.
And then the person goes and does that, right. So think of what's going on there. They do this thing, they feel good about this thing, they can have, they can look out at the garden, feel some peace, right. Feel some contentment. To them, be delighted by what they did. Remember how much they loved it before, how much it means to them.
So yes, that goodness comes, that goodness suffuses us and it raises up the generative drive, that says, right, it's it's good. We breathe some life into it, right. Enough to get that garden done. Now the generative drive is further fostered forward by the goodness the person feels.
So so the example, and the difference between the person who's like, wants a garden, feels terrible about themselves, and they're not doing it, and they feel lousy every time they look out the window, and there they are looking out the window, right. The difference between that and having made a garden and looking out the window at it is a night and day difference.
And the the the person who's looking out the window with the garden that they built, overcoming whatever was inside of them because they they went and addressed it and and proved to themselves that they could, that's what we're after in life, right. It's, we all know this. It doesn't look like somebody levitating at the top of a mountain, right. That's what it looks like. The person looking out the window at the garden and thinking about what they overcame to create the garden and seeing the goodness of it all.
有趣的是,我们可以把它跟你之前谈到的负面重复循环做对比。在那里你就没有这种感觉。所以想想从中可以学到什么。你在生活的某个方面能够达到这种状态、感受到这些。你能从中学到什么,带到那个不顺利的地方?而且更重要的是——通常要从那个不顺利的地方本身出发。为什么会重复?
这就是为什么我们可以在生活的某些部分拥有我们所追寻的东西,即使在其他部分还没有。但如果我们能在部分生活中拥有它,就也能在其他部分拥有。我们可以成为自己的榜样。我们可以从自己身上学习。我们可以从那些带来美好的地方学习如何提升那些还没到位的部分。
And it's interesting, we could contrast that to to when you talked about a repeated cycle that's negative, right. Then you're not feeling that, right. So so think about the learning that can come from it, right. That you you can you can achieve this and feel this and be in this state in one aspect of your life. Like what can you learn from that to bring to the other place? And more, yes that's important, it's more, it's often starting with what's going on in the place that's not doing well, right. Like I said, why the repetition, right.
So this is how we we can have what we're seeking in parts of our lives even if we don't in others. But if we can have it in parts of our lives we can have it in others too. And we can become role models for ourselves. We can learn from ourselves. We can learn from what brings the good to how to raise up the things that about us in our lives that aren't there yet.
想象那个在做花园的人。那个人需要思考——想想要种什么种子、工具在哪里、种植和浇水的时候在做什么。有很多事要做。但它的美妙之处不在于思考本身。思考是在为那些有生成性的事物服务。这是不同的——这是为了某个目的而思考。
但我们大部分的思考其实都是在做计划、做预判。我们总是把计划和预判看得很崇高。当我们在学习、在摸索的时候,这种思考确实很棒。但很多时候,这些思考的意义在于帮助我们去做那些对我们有益的事。围绕花园做的计划和预判,重点在于花园本身,而不是思考这个动作。
我们也可以用思考来伤害自己。很多思考都是重复的,不仅仅是没有成效,而是有害的。那个望着窗外花园的人可能在想什么呢?有时候我们的思维确实会有空白,但很多时候那个人一定在想些什么。而那里面经常发生的就是重复性的负面思考。"天哪,我以前有个花园,我记得那时候多漂亮",或者"还记得某某人去世之前,后来我们就不打理花园了"。又或者"我再也没办法打理花园了","天哪,太难了"。
这些想法都是负面的、没有成效的。如果那个人真的只是看着窗外的花园,还能想什么呢?他们陷在了一种停滞的状态里,而不是生成性的状态。于是思考变成了重复性的,不断放大所有的负面。
正如我们说过的,负面的东西越被强化,那条我们想让它萎缩的四车道高速公路,就别把它变成六车道了。但当我们陷入这种重复性思考的时候,就是在做这件事,然后它还会演变成叙事,变成我们对自己说的那些话。
所以思考是美妙的,真的很美妙。但它也可能只是在服务于别的什么东西,也可能被用来对付我们。所以我们在这里讨论的并不是在美化思考本身。如果思考是在服务于生成性驱力(generative drive),那当然是好的。但它本身并不自动就是好的。
So imagine the person making the garden, right. That person has to think about it, they have to think about what seeds to make, they have to think about where the the tools are, they have to think about what they're doing when they're planting, when they're watering. There's a lot to do. But the beauty of it isn't in the thinking, right. The thinking is in the service of what is generative, right. So so that's a different kind, it's it's just thinking in the service of something.
But a lot of our thinking is that, you know, it's it's planning, it's projecting. We tend to glorify the planning and the projecting. And and it can be great when we're learning, when we're figuring things out. But a lot of that is is there so that we can do the things that are good for us to do, right. The planning and the projecting around making the garden, where the point of it is the garden, it's not the thinking part, right.
We can also use thinking against us. So much thinking is repetitive and and not just not just unproductive but harmful, right. That person who's looking out the window at the garden may be thinking, I mean sometimes there are just pauses in our thinking, but you know a lot of times a person must be thinking. And and what often goes on there is just repetitive negative thinking. It's, you know, gosh I used to have a garden, I remember when that was beautiful, or know remember before such-and-such a person passed away and then we stopped making the garden. Or I'll never be able to make a garden again, or gosh it's too much.
You know it's just something that's negative and unproductive. I mean what else is there to think if the person's actually looking out the window at the garden, right? And they're in this sort of stuck state, they're not in a generative state. Then the thinking becomes becomes repetitive and it furthers all the negative, right.
As we said, the more we further the negative, the more we take, if there's a four-lane highway that we want to atrophy, let's not make it into a six-lane highway. You know, but but we do that when when we have this repetitive thinking, which then can evolve into the narratives, the things that we say to ourselves, right.
So so thinking is wonderful. It's wonderful. But it can also just subserve something else and it can also be used against us. So what we're talking about here doesn't glorify thinking. I mean it does if it's in the service of the generative drive. But it doesn't in and of itself.
不过社交媒体有点像精神上的口香糖,只不过我要补充一点:这种口香糖会真正地抑制食欲,让你没法吃有营养的食物——除非你能正确使用它。然后人们会因为一整个上午就这么过去了而自责,现在已经中午了,然后像正常人一样需要吃饭,吃完可能因为餐后能量低谷小睡一会儿,然后就到了下午,就这样一直循环下去。
这种事我听到太多了。我自己也经历过,所以我也不能免疫。这就是为什么我会尽量抓住那股早期的能量波,不管它是什么——肾上腺素、去甲肾上腺素,或者某种组合。
听你描述思考和它与生成性驱力的潜在关系,我觉得我们抓住那些有创造潜力的时刻非常重要,不管那个行动多么微小。要提醒自己我们有能力把事情从A点推到B点。因为在我刚才描述的那个让早晨溜走的人身上,除了那些干扰之外,实际上没有任何外部障碍。换个说法,我们绝大多数人内在都拥有创造我们想创造之物的所有工具,至少能创造些什么。然而很多很多人就是没有实现他们被赋予的、我们所有人都被赋予的这种权利。
But um you know social media is a little bit like mental chewing gum, except that I would add to that it's the kind of chewing gum that um really does um sate the appetite in a way that prevents you from eating nutritious food unless used correctly, right. Um and then people feel bad about themselves because the whole morning went by, now it's noon, then they require some food like any typical person, and they eat, then they might take a little nap for the post-prandial dip in energy, and then the afternoon, and and then it goes on and on.
I mean I I hear this all the time. I've experienced this before so I'm I'm not immune to this myself. That's why I try and capture that early wave of energy, whatever it might be, adrenaline, noradrenaline, uh some combination.
The way you describe thinking and its potential relationship to generative drive, it seems to me it's so important that we capture those moments of um potential creation, however small the action might be. To remind ourselves that we are capable of moving things from point A to point B. Because in the description I just gave of the person that lets the morning escape, there's there's really um no external barrier except these distractions. Put differently, all the tools exist within most all of us to be able to create what we want to create, at least to create something, right. I mean right. Um and yet many many people just don't fulfill that um that right that they were, and that we've all been given.
而且那个过程中没有什么真正的思考在发生。它们只是无意识的过程,你把闹钟往后推了15分钟。他们并没有在想这件事。这时候思考在服务于另一件事——思考在服务于回避。"我去看看这个,读几条,回复一下。"我在想、我在规划。我得拿出手机、输入密码、打开某个网站。我们在做这些事,我们在思考这些事。我想着该回什么。但所有这些思考都是在服务于不健康的防御机制。
那么通过更好地了解自己,我们就可以把这种状态带到一个更健康的地方。怎么做?通过真正地把思考用在对我们有帮助的地方。我们想想看,好吧,当你在那样做的时候到底在发生什么?你确实想锻炼,但锻炼并不容易,有时候也许是单纯的问题解决——你在做的是你喜欢的事吗?也许换个你更喜欢的,门槛更低,等等。但假设我们只在心理层面来探讨。
那你可以从几个角度来看。"我不想做那件事,那件事太难了。"我对自己生活中的某些事有时也会这么想。而这种想法总是让我感觉沉重和不开心,就好像身体两侧各挂了20磅的重物。我可以这么看待它。
或者有另一种看法,实际上更贴合现实:我并不惧怕做困难的事,我可以走出去投入进去,而且我对此感觉很好。当我做困难的事的时候,那是我身份认同的一部分,是我看待自己方式的一部分。对,我要去做这件事,而且我会感觉很好。能够做这件事难道不是很棒吗?看看,我活着,我健康,我能去做这件事。我的健康状况还行但我想通过锻炼让它更好。或者至少我还活着,如果减一点体重我会感觉更健康。拜托,这是好事啊。
那样的话我对这件事的感受就不一样了。而实际上,两种看法都可以是"真的"。但真正会成真的,是你选择的那一个。如果你选择负面的,那不健康的防御就被延续了——即使你今天逼自己做了,明天会更难去做。
这就是为什么有时候我会对一个人说:就看一看,然后决定你想不想做。如果你不想锻炼,就干脆决定不做。然后好吧,凡事都有代价,也许你能接受这个代价。但我想做的是什么呢?是把这件事带入意识层面——让那个人意识到自己正在做一个选择。你想做吗?如果你想做,那就直接去做,太好了。如果你不想做,那不做也很好。至少你对自己是诚实和清晰的。你不是在浪费那些不断把闹钟往后推15分钟的时间,推到最后来不及了。
这说得通吗?我认为这个框架确实有效,因为它把从生物学到心理学的认知整合在了一起——如何理解自己,如何理解当事情不如我们所愿时发生了什么,从而让我们能够让它们变成我们想要的样子。这不是魔法,这是遵循一种数学式的方法——回到各个因素、评估它们、做出改变,然后自然就会看到我们想要的结果。
And then there's no thinking going on about that, right. They're just unconscious processes and you kick it down, you know, you kick it down the clock 15 minutes, right. They're not thinking about it. Thinking then is subserving something different, right. The thinking is subserving the avoidance. If I'm going to go look on something, read a couple things, reply, you know. I'm thinking, I'm planning, right. I got to get the, maybe I got to get the phone out, I got to tap you know my code into it, I got to go to a certain website. Like we're doing something that we're thinking about it. I think about what I'm going to write back. But the thinking is all in the service of the unhealthy defenses, right.
So then by understanding ourselves better we can we can bring that, right, to a healthier place. How? By by actually using thinking for what helps us, right. So let's think of like what, okay what's going, let's say if you're doing that, okay what's going on when you're doing that, right. So so do you you you really want to exercise, right, but like it's not easy to exercise and sometimes maybe just problem-solving, are you doing a thing you like? Maybe something you like more, there's lower barrier, etc. But let's say we're just working within the psychological, right.
Then you can come at that a couple of ways. Like I don't want to do that thing, that thing's hard, right. I mean I think that about things in my life sometimes. And it always makes me, makes me weighty and unhappy, right. I may as well put 20-pound weights on either side of me, right. I mean I can look at it that way, right.
Or there's a different way of looking at it that actually fits much better, which is like I'm not daunted by doing difficult things and I can get out there and and apply myself and you know and I feel good about that. When I do difficult things it's like part of my identity, right. It's like part of how I see myself. So right, I'm going to go do this thing and I'm going to feel good about it. And and isn't it amazing that I get to do it, right? Like look, here I am, I'm alive, I'm healthy, right. I can go do this thing. My health is is good but I want to make it better, right, by working out. Or I'm at least alive and if I lose a little bit of weight I'll feel healthier. Like come on, this is good, right.
And then I'll feel different about that, right. And and like, truth is, one or the other. It's like, oh, both can be true. Now what will be true is what you choose, right. And if you choose the negative, then yes the unhealthy defense is perpetuated, even if you get yourself to do it today it's harder to do it tomorrow.
That's why sometimes I'll say to a person, like just take a look at it and decide if you want to do it or not. If you don't want to exercise, just decide you don't, right. And then okay there's a trade-off for everything. Maybe you're okay with the trade-off, right. But what am I trying to do there, right, is is bring to consciousness that that person is making a choice, right. Do you want to do it? If you want to do it, if you want to do it, it's great to just do it, right. And if you don't, it's it's great to not do it. At least you're being honest and clear with yourself. And you're not wasting all that time when you keep kicking it 15 minutes down the, you know, down the clock, you know, until it's too late.
Does does that make sense? That's, I think, how the structure here really does, it works, because it's it's pulling together what we know from the biology to the psychology of like how to understand ourselves and how to understand when things aren't the way we want them to be, so that we can make them the way we want them to be. It's not magic, it's it's following the sort of mathematical aspects of, you know, going to the factors, assessing them, making changes, and and then of course we see the outcome we want to see.
我觉得这些是普遍的愿望。你再一次为人们提供了到达那里的美妙路线图。谢谢。
我确实有一个关于生成性驱力底层机制的问题,特别是关于攻击性驱力(aggressive drive)这个概念。我认识一些人似乎有很多这种东西——他们就是有很多行动力,或者有很强的创造和探索的驱力。他们通常确实在工作和人际关系等方面为自己创造了很好的生活。但我也观察到,这些人往往与自身的关系并不是最好的,或者他们会在生活的某些领域撞上障碍,有时候直接撞上了墙,也许就是因为这种生成性或攻击性驱力太强了。
与此同时,我知道世界上有很多人似乎生成性驱力很低。我不确定是否真是这样,但他们似乎很难投入去做事情。你经常会觉得他们已经完全放弃了,好像生活就是太难了。有时候更微妙——我认识一个人,他喜欢自己的工作,但他已经到了那种"就是一份工作、一份工资"的状态。这也许够了,但他总是在谈论这件事,所以我不得不假设这其实是不够的。他们没办法把工作归到一个领域然后专注于生活中其他顺利的方面。想想生活中其他方面的好并不能弥补他们的感受。
那么我们身上是否存在一个生成性驱力的连续谱?这些是先天的吗?我知道有无数种条件可能导致某种状态,可能是先天的,可能是后天的。但是这种兴奋度或兴奋潜力、攻击性驱力,和我们追求的这些东西之间,是什么关系?
You know I think these are universal desires. And again you're providing this um wonderful road map for people to arrive there. Thank you.
I do have a question about some of the underpinnings of generative drive. In particular this um notion of aggressive drive. Um I've known people that seem to have a lot of this. They just have a lot of get-up-and-go, or a lot of drive to create in the world or to figure things out. Um they often do create great lives for themselves in in work and relationship, etc. I've also observed that these people often don't have the best relationship to themselves, or that they run up against um barriers, or sometimes straight into brick walls, um in certain domains of their life, perhaps as a consequence of having too much of this generative or aggressive drive.
And at the same time I know that there are people in the world, many, that have what seems to be a low generative drive. I I don't know if that's the case or not, but um that they um they seem to have a hard time engaging, like in doing things. And and often you get the impression that they somewhat have completely given up, like they just, like life is just too hard. Or um sometimes it's even more subtle, like I know someone who, they like their job, but they've come to the place that um you know like it's just work, like it's a paycheck. And and that might be enough but they're always talking about it, so I have to assume that it's not enough. They aren't able to slot their work into one domain and and just focus on the other uh aspects of their life that are going well. It doesn't compensate for them to think about the other aspects of their life.
So um is there a continuum of generative drives that exist in us? Are these intrinsic? I I realize there are near infinite number of conditions that um could give rise to one or the other, could be hardwired, could be nature, could be nurture. But what is the relationship between kind of um, I want to say arousal, or um the potential for arousal, and aggressive drive, and uh and these things that we're seeking?
这就是我们生存下来的答案。但我认为这并不是完整的答案。如果只有攻击性驱力和快乐驱力,那就没有一个价值体系。一个非常勤奋的人可以去建设也可以去毁灭。我们在历史人物身上看到这一点。非常聪明和非常勤奋,与你是在建设还是在毁灭无关。
所以如果只有攻击性驱力和快乐驱力,那我们就不会坐在这里对话了。因为人类作为一个物种早就活不下来了。如果你相信这一点——我确实相信——那你就会去寻找别的东西。也许我们找到了两样东西,但也许还有更多。
然后我们开始思考为学习而学习、利他主义——这些用现有框架无法解释的东西。除非你搞一个自我指涉的解释:帮助别人让你自己感觉好所以本质上是自私的。围绕这个有很多纠结。但如果你真正观察人类,你确实能看到利他行为,看到为学习而学习,看到人们在所有情境都允许他们不善良的时候依然选择善良。
然后我们开始看到确实存在另一种驱力。怎么解释我们人类走到今天?靠攻击性、快乐,还有生成性驱力。让事情变得更好的驱力。这就是为什么我们建设的比毁灭的多。我们毁灭了很多,但建设得更多,否则我们连衣服都穿不上,更不用说拥有今天的技术坐在这里做这期节目了。
所以生成性驱力是在健康的人身上最充分实现的。健康的人拥有强大的生成性驱力。
正如你所说,还有其他因素,这也是你在问的。不同的人可能天生就有不同水平的攻击性、快乐寻求或生成性,因为我们是基因复杂性以及先天和后天所有复杂因素的产物。所以我们最终会处于不同的位置——有些人多一些,有些人少一些。
但结论是:对我们所有人来说,生成性驱力处于主导地位,才是通往美好生活的关键。通往我们向往的那些东西——平和与满足。我们希望生成性驱力主宰一切,无论一个人是在研究神经科学还是在种花。重要的是保持生成性。
然后攻击性和快乐可以服务于生成性驱力。而你问的问题是:如果攻击性太多或太少怎么办?快乐寻求太多或太少怎么办?这就是我们会看到问题的地方。而这些问题会把我们引回到那些支柱上去寻找答案。
所以攻击性太强最终会变成嫉妒(envy)。攻击性太强意味着我想把自己施加到周围的世界上,超出了合理范围,超出了我在不侵犯他人的情况下所能做的。最终你会从别人那里攫取。攻击性太强会变得具有破坏性。也许一个人会毁掉什么、拆毁什么,从别人那里夺取,或者在不必要的时候说出恶毒的话,然后所有人都感觉很糟。
但是,攻击性过强会变成嫉妒。而嫉妒是破坏性的。快乐寻求也是一样。如果我说好吧,我想要合理份额的快乐和解脱。但如果我开始过度依赖这个,那么现在就不是攻击性凌驾于生成性驱力之上了,而是快乐凌驾于生成性驱力之上。然后我想要更多更多更多的快乐,要不了多久我就想要你的快乐了。
所以那就不健康了。它变成了嫉妒。变成了破坏性的。因为现在我开始觊觎你的快乐,或者如果我得不到但能把你拉下来,我就会感觉好一点。这就是嫉妒。
所以攻击性太强凌驾于生成性驱力之上,快乐驱力太强凌驾于生成性驱力之上,我们最终都会陷入嫉妒的境地。而嫉妒是破坏性的。这时候我们就有麻烦了。
And like that's the answer to it, to how we survive. But I think that is not the answer to it. That if it were just aggressive drives and pleasure drives, there's not a value system around that. Like you know somebody who's very industrious can build or destroy, right. And we see this in historical figures. Like being very intelligent and very industrious has nothing to do with whether you're building or destroying, right.
So if it were just an aggressive drive and a pleasure drive, then we wouldn't be having this conversation, right. Because the species would have, would not have survived, right. So if you believe that, and I believe that, then you look for something else. You say maybe we looked and we found two things and there are more things, right.
And then we start thinking about learning for learning's sake, altruism, things that are not explained, right. Unless there's a self-referential where you feel good doing something for someone else, so therefore it's selfish. Like there's a lot of gyration around that. If you really observe humans you do see altruism. You see learning for learning's sake. You see people being benign when everything about a situation would say that they could, would, or should, under society's rules, not be benign, right.
And then we start to see that there is another drive. That, how do you explain that we're here? Yeah, aggression, pleasure, and generativeness, or generative drive. The drive to make things better. That's why we build more than we destroy. We destroy a lot, right. But we build more than we destroy, otherwise we wouldn't have clothes on our backs, let alone have the the technology to sit here and to be able to do this.
So it's the generative drive that that is most realized in the healthy person, right. And the healthy person has the strong generative drive.
Now as you said, there are other factors, and this is sort of what you were asking about. There are probably natural levels of aggression or pleasure-seeking or generativeness that differ across people, right. Because we're a product of, you know, the complexity of our genetics and you know all the complexities of nature and nurture. So we're going to get to a place where where some of us have more, some of us have less, right.
The the the conclusion though is, for all of us, the generative drive being at the helm is what what leads us to to to live good lives, right. To live to the things that we aspire to, the peace and contentment, right. So we want the generative drive to rule the day, right. Whether a person is studying neuroscience or growing a garden, right. The importance is about being generative.
Then then aggression and pleasure can subserve the generative drive, right. And then the question you're asking I I think, which is, well what if there's too much aggression, too little aggression, right? Or too much pleasure-seeking, too little pleasure-seeking? That's when we we can see problems, right. And the problems then lead us back to the pillars to figure out the problems.
So too much aggression ultimately becomes envy, right. Too much aggression means, like, I want, I I want to impose myself on the on the world around me more than I can, more than is reasonable, more than I can do without impinging upon others, right. That, what you end up doing is taking from others, right. Too much aggression becomes destructive, right. Maybe a person destroys, tears something down, right. Takes from others, uh says the the nasty comment when it wasn't necessary, and now everyone feels bad, right.
But there, that, too much aggression starts, it becomes envy, right. And envy is destructive, right. The same thing with too much pleasure-seeking. If I say okay I want, you know, I want my fair share of pleasure and you know relief of distress and all that. But if I start, if I rely on that too much, right, we now, instead of aggression eclipsing the generative drive, now it's pleasure eclipsing the generative drive. Then I want more pleasure and more pleasure and more pleasure, and how long before I want your pleasure, right?
So so then it's not healthy, right. What it becomes is envious, right. Right. It becomes destructive, because now then I become covetous of your pleasure, or if I can't get it but I could bring you down then I'll feel better about myself. That's envy, right.
So too much aggression eclipsing the generative drive, too much of the of pleasure-seeking, the pleasure drive eclipsing the generative drive, and we end up in places of envy. And envy is destructive. And now we're in trouble.
别让你的小孩看这部电影,因为它非常血腥而且有很多性暗示内容。但 Bale 饰演的角色身上的攻击性特征在电影一开始就非常明显——暴力攻击、性侵略、追求金钱和财富。还有自恋,对一切事物的痴迷,从护肤程序到八块腹肌,荒谬至极。
但同时也提供了一个有趣的窗口,让我们看到这些特征的温和版本如今仍然存在于很多人身上。而嫉妒的部分在电影稍后才开始显现。我记得有一个场景,有人递给他一张名片,然后你听到他内心的独白——那个人的名片比自己的好看太多了,他恨死那个人了。最后他以极其暴力和变态的方式杀了那个人。这就是攻击性凌驾于生成性驱力,对吧?
And don't let your young children watch it because it's very gruesome and has like very sexual. But the the the aggressive features within the character that Bale plays um are immediately apparent in the movie, like you know violent aggression, sexual aggression, um seeking money, seeking wealth all the time. A narcissism too, an obsession with like everything from his skincare routine to uh his eight-pack abs, and like it's it's ridiculous.
But um but also an interesting window into some milder forms of those features that still exist in many people today, right. Um but the envy component starts to reveal itself a little bit later into the movie, where um the scene I recall is one around where someone hands him a business card and then you hear the narrative in his own mind about how much nicer that guy's business card is than his and how he hates him so much. He ends up killing the guy in very violent and sadistic fashion. That's aggression over generative, right?
不过我相信是 Bret Easton Ellis 写的这本书。他触及了攻击性的成分和快乐的成分,但嫉妒的成分才是当你看到电影结尾时真正引起共鸣的。这个人永远无法被满足——在电影里他可以随意杀人或和任何人上床,可以拥有任何多的财富,可以拥有整栋大楼。事实上我记得他在某个时刻确实住进了一整栋楼里。他杀了人之后就占了人家的公寓。这真的是疯狂又恶心。
但它真正说明了嫉妒是如何深深交织在攻击性和快乐寻求之中的。在你今天描述之前,这一点还没有真正在我心中沉淀下来。因为我想大多数人会认为,当某人拥有几百万或几十亿美元的时候,他们就会到达平和、满足和愉悦的状态,他们就该满足了。而在电影《Wall Street》里有一个场景,有人问"你的数字是多少"——什么时候才算够——那个人说"更多"。这说明了很多关于多巴胺能奖赏系统的东西。但我觉得它说得更多的是关于嫉妒。
Um uh but that, I believe it was Bret Easton Ellis that wrote that. And you know he's tapping into the the aggression component, pleasure component, but the envy component is really what resonates as as you come to the end of the movie. Is like there's no satisfying this guy, he could kill or or sleep with as many people as he wants in the movie, um and he can have as much wealth as he wants. He can have entire buildings. In fact I think he's living in an entire building at some point. He takes over people's apartments after he kills them. It's it's it's wild and disgusting.
Um but it really speaks to the extent to which envy is woven into aggression and pleasure-seeking. And it's not something something that had really sunk in for me until you describe it now. Um because I think for most people they imagine okay, when somebody has X number of millions or billions of dollars that they'll reach this place of peace, contentment, and delight, right. They'll have enough. Um and in the movie Wall Street there's that one scene where someone says you know what's your number, like at what point is it enough, and the guy says "more." That says all sorts of things about the dopaminergic system of reward systems in the brain etc. But I think it says a lot more about envy.
我们如此低估了这一点。我们如此低估了为什么人们会变得具有破坏性。这就是为什么根源并不总是在创伤中。但嫉妒产生的一个重要来源往往确实是创伤——创造了一种内疚、羞耻和脆弱感。但不论一个人是怎么染上嫉妒的——这是一个关于嫉妒从何而来的更大的讨论——它驱动着毁灭。
如果攻击性驱力大于生成性驱力,或者快乐驱力大于生成性驱力,或者两者都大于生成性驱力,它就会驱动毁灭。而那种毁灭,绝大多数时候,如果你挖得足够深,你会在根源发现嫉妒。那种嫉妒可能源于一个人内心的内疚和羞耻。但一旦它变成了关于他人的事——我内心感到内疚、羞耻和不足,但然后我对周围的人感到嫉妒——它就驱动了绝大多数的毁灭。
And we so underappreciate that, right. We so underappreciate why people are destructive, right. Which is why the roots aren't always in trauma. But but a significant uh uh aspect of of where envy arises from can often be trauma, creating a sense of guilt and shame and vulnerability. But but wherever a person may come by it, and it's a larger discussion of envy and where it may come from, is it drives destruction.
And if the aggressive drive is greater than the generative drive, or if the pleasure drive is greater than the the generative drive, or if both are greater than the generative drive, it will drive destruction. And that destruction, the vast majority of times, if you look deep enough, you find at its roots envy. That envy may arise from guilt and shame within the person. But as soon as it becomes about another, right, I feel guilt and shame and inadequacy inside of me, but then I feel envy of those around me, it drives the vast majority of destruction.
我觉得这真正凸显了一件事:那个人感觉自己没有生命,至少没有一个值得保存的生命。所以他们要去夺走别人的生命。我认为这是我们能在个体层面上找到的、关于嫉妒能把人带到何处最触目惊心的写照。我们可以从社会层面去看战争和战争的破坏。但我认为这就是理解嫉妒能把一个人推到何处的终极案例。
Which which I think really brings to the forefront, like that that that person doesn't feel that they have a life, certainly not a life worth preserving. So they're then going to take the lives of others. And I think we're seeing that as stark um a portrait of where envy can lead, I think, as we can find on a one-person basis. We we can go, we can look at wars and their destruction on a societal basis. But I think that's that's the ultimate in understanding where envy can drive a person.
这跟抑郁(depression)不一样。抑郁是存在神经化学失衡的,无论这种失衡是纯粹生物学的、心理学的还是外部事件造成的——都存在神经化学失衡。而我们在这里讨论的不是现代精神病学认定的疾病状态。诊断手册里没有一个编号是对应"士气低落"的。为什么?因为它是人类可以处于的一种状态。
攻击性驱力太低以及由此产生的所有后果,是孤立的、令人士气低落的。快乐驱力太低也是同样的。
举一个也许很多人能产生共鸣的例子:你认识某个人经历了几次特别糟糕的分手,然后说"够了,我受够了。不再有浪漫了,我要单身"。这个人内心是有驱力的,他们是需要人际连接的人,他们渴望浪漫,这些对他们很重要。但他们做了一个决定——不再让这些出现在自己的生活中。
用精神动力学的说法,这是"把死亡邀请进生命"——一小部分的死亡——通过发誓放弃一个自己内心有驱力去追求的东西,那种陪伴和浪漫的快乐驱力。这同样会变得令人士气低落。
所以当然,士气低落可以导致抑郁。但士气低落本身就是一种独立的状态,其中有一种绝望感,那种美好变得不可及了。这就是嫉妒的另一面。
Which is not the same as depression. I mean you know, depression is, it is, there's a neurochemical imbalance, right. Whether that imbalance came purely biologically or or came psychologically or because of external events, there's a neurochemical imbalance. You know, here we're not talking about an illness state as identified by modern psychiatry. There's not a number in the in the book of diagnoses that goes along with with being demoralized, right. But why? Because it's a state that humans can be in.
And too low of an aggressive drive, right, and all the things that come of that, it's isolating and it's demoralizing. The same with too low of a of a pleasure drive.
So an example that maybe relatable is, um, to some people, is you know knowing someone who who has had a couple of really bad breakups, and and then says I'm not, you know what, I'm done with that. There's no more romance, I'm going to be single, right. And and you know like that person has a drive in them, like you know they're an interconnected person, like they they want romance, these are things that are important to them. But they they make a decision, I'm I'm not going to have that in my in my life.
What what would be called in some psychodynamic sense is inviting death into life, a little bit of death, by by swearing off something that that the person has a drive towards, right, the pleasure drive of companionship and of romance, right. That that then becomes demoralizing as well.
So sure, those things, demoralization can predispose to depression. But demoralization is a thing in and of itself, where then there's a sense of hopelessness, there's a sense of, you know, the the goodness then is inaccessible anymore. And that's the other side of envy.
他们任由自己变得久坐不动。然后其他各种问题就开始出现了——因为超重导致的睡眠呼吸暂停,然后白天觉得累,累到谁还能去锻炼?还得工作、维持其他生活需求。你能看到这一切是怎么连锁反应的,完全说得通。
你也能看到,如果再多一点点攻击性,一切都可以扭转过来,但他们没有。所以我描述的这种情况是你在临床上见过的吗?我以非临床的身份在外面的世界里确实观察到很多。
And and um they allow themselves to effectively be sedentary. And and then the other sorts of trouble start to show up, you know, sleep apnea from carrying excessive weight, and then feeling tired during the day, and then who can exercise when they're too tired, when you got to work and maintain other life demands. And you can kind of see where this could, and and makes perfect sense.
Um you can also see where um if there were just a little bit more aggression it could all be turned around, but they don't have it. So is the scenario I describe something that you've seen clinically? I certainly observe it in my non-clinical stance out there in the world, a lot.
攻击性——也就是那种把自己推向世界的燃料——用来使用能动感的。所以这个人的能动性很低,攻击性驱力提供的能动感燃料很少,又被负面的自我认知和负面的自我对话进一步压制。于是你发现攻击性驱力太低了。而太低同样可以压过生成性驱力,因为那个人没法照顾好自己。
生成性驱力会说"还有很多生活可以过,生活中可以有美好的东西,好好照顾自己,而且顺便说一句,有你爱的人和爱你的人。如果没有,也许有一只你爱的动物或一个你爱的花园"。生成性驱力在说这些话,但它没能赢得胜利。因为攻击性——我们可以叫它主张驱力、能动驱力,用不同的词——它太低了,所以它反而压过了生成性驱力。
然后在你举的例子里,快乐驱力朝反方向走就不奇怪了。也许遗传上有这种倾向,也许只是被不断强化的。因为处在那种境地的人会想什么呢?想想看那种自我认知会是什么样的:"我在这个糟糕的处境里,说明我是个糟糕的人,我没法让自己变好,我不配变好,没人关心我,我什么都做不对。"
"所以我不重要,没有理由照顾自己。那我干嘛不去吃那个我享受的东西呢?哪怕它只给我带来两分钟的快乐,然后我再吃一个。从某种意义上说——那又怎样?反正我觉得自己不值得被保护,或者我没有能力保护自己。"这里面有一种虚无主义,让过度放纵快乐驱力变得"合理"——不管这种倾向是生物学的还是后天形成的。
但所有这些之所以成问题,是因为攻击性驱力太低了。而且低到已经压过了生成性驱力。然后快乐驱力就会走向某个方向。如果快乐驱力也很低,那这个人几乎什么都不做,慢慢消磨殆尽——这在我们的社会中悲惨地频繁发生。如果快乐驱力很高,那这个人可能会过度沉迷于提供短期满足的东西,然后造成另一套问题。
但真正起决定性作用的是:攻击性驱力或快乐驱力——我们可以用不同的词来称呼它们——是高到压过了生成性驱力,还是低到压过了生成性驱力?
我认为我们看到的所有问题都能放进这个模型里。因为它尊重我们所知道的一切。它尊重几百年来关于人类行为的洞察和观察。它尊重数千年的智慧。而且它尊重科学。这就是为什么它能自洽,因为我认为它尊重了我们作为一个物种的本质,以及我们试图与生活互动时的真实体验。
So the aggression, meaning the fuel to put oneself out there in the world, right, to utilize the sense of agency, right. So this is going to be a person who's low agency, right. The aggressive drive has has little fuel then to give the sense of agency, it's further squelched by negative by you know negative sense of self and negative self-talk. Now you find where the the aggressive drive is is too low. And too low can also trump the generative drive, right. Because then that person can't take care of themselves.
A generative drive would say there's a lot of life to live and there can be great things in life and take better care of yourself, and by the way there are like people that you love and people that love you, or or if not you know there's an animal or a garden you love, right. So so the generative drive is saying that, right. But it's not winning the day, because the the aggression or you know aggression is one word we could put to that drive. You could call it an assertion drive, you know, we call it an agency drive, but that's you know we're using agency in a different way. But that thing is too low. So it wins out over the generative drive.
And then in the example you gave, it's not surprising that the pleasure drive goes the other way. Maybe there's a predisposition to that genetically, maybe it's just reinforced. Because a person in that place could say, well, think of what what this, the the self-conception would be, right. I'm in this terrible place, um it you know means I'm a terrible person, I can't make myself better, or I'm not good enough to get better, no one cares about me, I can't make anything right.
So so therefore like I don't I don't matter, there's no reason to take care of myself. So why would I not do, if I eat that one thing that I enjoy and it gives me pleasure, even if it gives me pleasure for 2 minutes, then I'll eat another one. Like in a sense, so what? Well cuz I'm, I don't feel that I'm worth preserving, or that I can preserve myself, right. There's a nihilism to it, that then kind of makes it make sense to overindulge the pleasure drive, whether it's a, whether it's biologically predisposed or one is just arriving there.
But the the reason all that is bad is because the aggressive drive is too low. And in fact it's low enough that it's outweighing the generative drive. Then the pleasure drive is going to come into, you know, one place or another. If it's also really low, the person does not much of anything and wastes away, which tragically happens a lot in our society, right. Or if the pleasure drive is high, maybe that person overindulges in things that provide short-term gratification and then that causes a different set of problems.
But but what's deterministic there is whether whether aggression or assertion, again we could put different words to that drive, but what we've been calling the aggressive drive and the pleasure drive, are they, is one or the other or both, high enough to trump the generative drive, or low enough to trump the generative drive?
And and I think all problems that we see, like everything fits into this model. Because it honors what we know, right. It honors what we know about human behavior and insights into human behavior over hundreds of years, right. Over thousands of years, right. The wisdom that this brings forward. And it it honors the science. And that's why it fits together, because I think it honors who we are, as, what our species is, what we are, um and you know what it's like, what life is like, as as we try and engage with it.
我也见过一些士气低落的人——他们似乎会和其他同样士气低落的人聚到一起,试图重新校准他们感觉在压迫自己的那个标准。这不仅仅是在身体健康领域,也在比如学业要求方面。
我之前在几期播客里提到过,我上了一所要求非常严格的高中。我勉强才毕业。我不是一个认真学习的学生。我的攻击性和快乐驱力都投入了非学术的事务,我为此后悔。等我幸运地上了大学后,有太多学习要补。
但我在高中的经历是:有些孩子SAT满分,提前被Harvard或Yale录取。中间有一个正态分布。然后有一群表现不好的孩子——他们知道自己表现不好,然后围绕着"表现不好"这件事聚到了一起。
我不认为自己属于那个群体,因为坦白说我经常不在学校。我在忙其他的事情。但那个群体后来的结局其实相当悲惨——不仅是对他们自己,对很多其他人也是。他们最终在学校园区里引爆了炸药,这是他们毕业之后的事。我不知道他们现在怎样了,但他们的人生并没有走上好的道路。他们给周围的人造成了很多破坏。
但在那之前,有一种围绕"我们不适合这里"的抱团。据我记忆,他们并没有被霸凌过,虽然我可能记错了。但我在其他形式中也见过这种现象——如果你达不到标准,就和其他人聚到一起改变标准,然后你可能就不那么觉得士气低落了。
我能理解,我能合理化为什么这种方式有其道理。但我看到这种现象越来越多。我也看到光谱另一端的人——攻击性和快乐寻求过度的人。不过现在我更想听听你的想法:士气低落如何根据人们的感受和他们与谁交往而分化为不同的表现形式。
I've also seen examples of people who are demoralized who um seem to band with other demoralized people, sort of um try to recalibrate the standard that they feel um oppresses them. You know that they, and this isn't necessarily just in the realm of of physical fitness. This is also in the realm of like school demands.
I I went to a very demanding high school, as I've talked about before on a couple of podcasts. I barely finished high school. I was not an attentive student. I was, my um aggressive and pleasure drives went into non-academic endeavors, and I regret that. You know I I had so much making-up of of of learning to do by the time I, you know, fortunately got to college, uh eventually caught up.
But um my experience of high school was that there were these you know kids scoring perfectly on the SAT and the early admission to Harvard and early admission to Yale and all these places. And then there was, you know, a distribution in the middle. And then there was a collection of of kids who were not doing well, knew they weren't doing well, and kind of banded together around the idea of not doing well.
I I I didn't consider myself part of that group because I I frankly wasn't there that often. And and um I was focused on other things as I mentioned. But but what came of that group was actually quite tragic. Not just for them but for a lot of other people. They uh eventually engaged, it it wasn't a school shooting type scenario, but they eventually you know set off explosives on the school campus. This was after they had graduated. Um I don't know where they are nowadays but things did not go well for them. And they um exerted a lot of uh destruction to other people around them.
But before they did that there was this kind of banding together around their, the fact that they didn't fit in, that they, and they weren't bullied as I recall, that I could be wrong about this. But I've seen this in other forms too, like you know, if you can't meet the standard, band up with other people and change the standard and then you don't feel as demoralized, perhaps.
Um I can understand, I can rationalize why this would be a reasonable approach. But um I'm seeing this more and more. Um I'm also seeing, by the way, you know the other end of the spectrum, people who are overly aggressive and pleasure-seeking and and things of that sort. But but for the moment I'd like um your thoughts on you know how demoralization can split off into different expressions depending on how um people feel and who else they're relating to.
但有时候他们没有被践踏,而是被抛到了一旁。他们受了伤,被抛弃了。从那个处境里,悲剧就发生了。人们继续孤立。我觉得一个悲剧是我们没有团结起来挨家挨户去找那些不再出门的人。我们让人们如此孤立。很多时候这就是某个人故事的悲剧性结局。
但有时候人们确实会参与进来。他们虽然士气低落,但能以一种涉及亲和性防御(affiliative defense)的方式参与。所以有时候士气低落的人能够联合起来、团结起来——就像你刚才暗示的那样——以可以让事情变好的方式。
如果人们之所以士气低落是因为他们属于社会中一个长期被严重虐待的群体,那么团结起来可以非常有力量。一方面是因为存在所谓的亲和性防御——如果我因为某件事对自己感觉很差而且是一个人,那我极有可能继续对自己感觉很差。但如果你也因为同样的事情对自己感觉很差,然后我们在一起了,我们就互相帮助彼此感觉好一些。我们不那么孤独了,不那么孤立了,不那么羞耻了。
所以亲和性防御可以帮助人们说"等等,我没有什么问题。我不打算坐以待毙。"然后做出主张,在周围的世界里争取更好的权利。非常好的事情可以从士气低落中的联合中产生。
但非常坏的事情也可以发生。因为人们也可以围绕非常具有破坏性的东西联合起来。如果我憎恨社会并想要搞破坏,我一个人的时候也可以做破坏性的事。但如果我和几个有同样感受的人聚到一起,我就被赋能了,我更有底气去那样感受。也许我心里有种族主义或偏见,我觉得不能说出来。但当环境变得许可了——因为其他人也处于同样的状态——人们就会放大内心的仇恨。
所以联合是非常非常有力量的。而社会盲目狂奔向前、践踏或边缘化人们的一个后果是,我们没有足够关注那些联合群体会发生什么。怎样引导人们以有建设性的方式联合?怎样给他们有建设性的出路?怎样防范联合导致破坏性行为?
所以我认为很多事情是人类内在自然会发生的。但我们现在讨论的很多东西都受到社会和社会标准的深刻影响,而这些标准当然是由我们所有人共同决定并从我们中间产生的。但它们开始具有超越性,因为现在是个体在与整个社会系统互动。
But at times they don't get trampled, they get cast aside, right. They they they're injured, right, and cast aside. And from that place tragic things happen, right. People then stay isolated. You know I I think it's a tragedy that we don't all band together and go door to door, right, to like seek people who who aren't coming out of doors, right. You know in the sense of like, we let people be so so isolated. And and often times that's that's the tragic end of someone's story, right.
Um but sometimes people do engage, right. They're demoralized but they can engage in in ways that involve an an affiliative defense. So sometimes people who are demoralized can affiliate, they can band together, in in ways, as I think you were alluding to, that can that can make things better.
So if people are demoralized because say they're uh a group in society that that is chronically very mistreated, right, then it can be very powerful to band together. Both because there's what's called an affiliative defense, that if I feel bad about myself about something and I'm alone, it's highly likely I'm going to continue feeling bad about myself about that thing, right. But if you feel bad about yourself about the same thing and then we're together, right, we help each other feel better. We don't feel so lonely, we don't feel so alone, we don't feel so isolated, we don't feel so ashamed, right.
So an affiliative defense can help people to to say wait a second, like I'm not, there's nothing wrong with me. And I'm not going to take this lying down or something, right. And then and to make assertions that create better rights in the world around us. So so like very good things can happen from from affiliation in the context of demoralization.
But very bad things can happen too, right. Because people can also affiliate around things that are very destructive. I mean if I am hateful of society and I would like to be destructive, and I'm alone, okay I could do destructive things alone. But if I band together with a couple other people who feel that way, now I'm empowered to feel that way, right. Instead of, maybe I feel that way and, or or there's racism or prejudice, and I don't feel like I I can say that, right. But then when it's permissive, right, because other people are are in the same place, then people can accentuate the the hatred within, you know, within them.
So affiliation is very very powerful. And part of society rushing so headlong forward and either trampling or marginalizing people is that we then don't pay attention, or not enough attention, to what happens with the affiliative groups, right. How do you guide people towards towards being able to affiliate in ways that are productive? How do you give them routes of being productive, right? How do you try and protect against the ways that affiliation can lead to destructive behavior?
So I think you know a lot of this is, these are the natural things that happen within us. But a lot of what we're talking about now gets impacted a lot by society and societal standards, which we of course altogether, you know, determine, right, and arise from us. But they they start to sort of transcend, because it's now people interacting with a whole social system.
所以对他来说有一个摩擦点,让他能以其他方式无法做到的方式投入进去。他把这种摩擦导向生产力,而且显然效果很好。我不知道他是否做过那种深层的自省——通过自我结构和自我功能来审视——我猜大概没有。
但我们该怎么理解这种案例呢?我喜欢这样的想法:如果一个人有很强的攻击性驱力,他们应该把它导向好的方向。我没有理由认为这个人做的不是好事——对自己和他人都是。据我所知,他当然没有伤害任何人。
但那似乎是一个很辛苦的生存状态。对我来说感觉很辛苦。同时我也提供一个简短的个人经历:在我职业生涯的某个阶段,也就是做博士后的时候,因为离开了一个实验室以及当时领域的状况,我想做的研究直接与另一个非常强大的实验室对立。问题是我只是一个独自工作的博士后。
我记得去找我的博士后导师——已故的 Ben Barres——说我觉得我可能应该换个课题,因为我不想跟这个巨人对抗。他说——我能复述 Ben 的原话——"绝对不行,没门。你热爱这个领域,你必须因为热爱而去做。"他不断告诉我我有多热爱这些问题,然后提醒了我,我确实热爱那些问题。
一旦我能重新连接上对那些问题的热爱和好奇心,我就能把那些顾虑推到一边。我们确实在发表论文方面做得不错。但坦率地说,那五年远不如本可以的那么愉快。我觉得很大程度上是因为我脑子里的脚本是我正与这种压迫性的力量对抗。那纯粹是竞争性的。我真心相信,当我们在与别人竞争时,我们不可能处于最有创造力的状态——因为根据定义,你在按照一个标准创造,而不是在进行纯粹的创造。
所以在两个案例中都有大量的攻击性驱力——坦率地说我也有一些。加上对复仇的渴望、一种摩擦的成分,与攻击性驱力交织在一起。哪怕只是描述这些,都让我感觉到一点肾上腺素在释放。这不是一个舒服的状态。这不可能是一个幸福的状态,对吧?
And um and so there's a friction point for him that allows him to engage in a way that he wouldn't otherwise be able to engage. And he he channels that towards productivity, and clearly it's worked for him. Um you know I don't know if he's done the sort of introspective uh deep dive, I imagine no, through the structure of self and function of self.
But you know what are we to make of of that sort of example? I mean I I I like the idea that if someone has a strong aggressive drive that they would channel it toward good. I mean I have no reason to think this person is doing anything but good in the world for themselves and others. They're certainly not harming anyone, at least not to my to my knowledge.
But that seems like a rough place to live. For me it seems like a rough place to live. And at the same time I'll offer a very brief anecdote, that you know at one point in my career, namely when I was a postdoc, I was in a position, by virtue of having left a laboratory and the nature of the field at the time, where the work I wanted to do was directly pitted against the work of another very powerful laboratory, except that I was a lone postdoc working in a laboratory essentially on my own on this problem.
And I remember going to my postdoc adviser, the late Ben Barres, and saying you know I think I might just move to a different problem because I don't really want to go up against this Goliath. And he said, uh you know, the, this is the best, you know, I can capture Ben's voice, he said, "Absolutely not, like there's no way. You love this stuff, you have to do it because you love it." And he kept telling me how much I love it, and he reminded me that indeed I did love the questions.
And once I was able to tap back into the love for and the curiosity around the questions, I was able to push aside the the concerns enough that we did well um in publishing certain papers, they did well. But those 5 years frankly were a lot less pleasureful than they could have been. I think because much of the script in my head was that I was in friction with this like, you know, at least in my mind, this oppressive force. It was it was purely competitive. And I truly believe that we can't be at in our most creative state when we are competing with someone else, by definition, because then you're you're you're creating against a standard as opposed to raw creation, right.
So um in both cases a lot of aggressive drive, frankly I I I have some of that and I had that. Um but desire for revenge, a a component of friction mixed in, you know, or integrated with this aggressive drive. Like this picture, like even as I describe it, is you know causing the release of a little little bit of adrenaline. It's it's not a comfortable state. It's not, it it can't be a state of happiness, right?
那不可能是快乐的。因为如果你天生擅长竞争——你能分析要素、你能制定策略——那个人天生就很会竞争。那么把一切都变成竞争听起来挺好的,因为你的胜率最高。
但这只是为了达到某种目的。它本身不带有任何内在的情感。如果你做的只是一系列竞争,那你做的就只是赢。赢就是"我赢了,我打败你了",不管那是什么。这可以是幸福的一部分,但不一定是。那不是幸福。
所以那种"我天生特别能竞争,我就把面前的一切都当成竞争"的模式——对于快速的前进来说确实非常有效。但快速的前进和平和、满足、愉悦毫无关系。和做好事还是做坏事也毫无关系。
我觉得你举的你自己职业生涯的例子太好了。因为如果你想想看,当你内心框架那件事的方式是——我在问一个问题,他们在问同一个问题,这是一场竞争。同样,竞争需要两方参与。
所以就有了一种几乎是自动化的反应。他们在研究同样的东西,也许他们也觉得有竞争性,或者那边某些人确实非常有竞争性,他们知道自己是谁。他们极度有竞争性而且非常成功。
好吧,那你就被卷入一场竞争了。但你从未决定过要参加竞争。自动地,你就好像在竞争一样。你说"我不要这种竞争",因为他们比你大,这会很不愉快,会把你从真正想做的事上分心,会让你更难做好工作。因为现在你陷入了某种攻击性驱动的东西中。
所以你做了选择——不,我选择不那样做。然后 Ben Barres 把它重新框定为真相:这不是一场竞争,因为你并没有选择竞争。因为 Ben 指出对你来说重要的是那些问题本身。就好像 Ben 提醒了你:不不不,别通过攻击性驱力来看这件事,要通过生成性驱力来看。那才是在你身上占主导的东西。然后你就投入去做了。
And that can't be happy, right. That can't be happy. Because if if if you're built to be pretty good at competition, right, so you you can size up what are the factors, you know, you can strategize, right. So a person is built to be really good at competition, then you know it sounds pretty good to make everything a competition, right. Because you have the highest winning percentage, right.
And but that's that's good to achieve some end, right. That doesn't have any feeling intrinsically associated with it, right. And if all you're doing is a series of competitions, then what you're doing then is winning, right. And like winning is something, like you know, winning is like I won, I beat you, whatever that is. Like that that can be part of happiness but it doesn't have to be, right. That that's not happiness, right.
So so yes, that kind of, I'm I'm really built to compete well, and I'm going to just see a series of competitions in front of me. That's for for expedient forward progress, right. That's very effective. But again, expedient forward progress is is nothing to do with peace, contentment, delight. Like it's it's it's not, you know, it doesn't have anything to do with that, nor does it have anything to do with doing good or bad, right.
And I think the example you gave in your own in your career is like, it's such a good example, right. Because you know if you think about it, when the way that you were sort of framing it inside is like, there's a question I'm asking, there's a question they're asking, right, and there's a competition, right. Again, it has to be two to compete, right.
So so there's almost an automaticity, right. That like they're studying the same thing, maybe you know they feel competitive, or certain people there too, they were, were, definitely competitive, they know who they are. They're extremely competitive and very successful, right.
Okay so then, so then you, okay, I'm in a competition now. Again, but you never decided to be in a competition, right. But but automatically, I mean it's interesting, right, to understand. You're acting as if you're in a competition. You go, I don't want this competition, right. Because like they're bigger than me. It's going to be unpleasant. It's going to take you away from really thinking about what you want to do, right. It's going to make it harder to do a good, to do the job you want to do, right. Because now you're embroiled in, you know, something that's, you know, that has aggression behind it, right.
So so you choose, no, I don't, I I choose not to do that, right. And then Ben Barres reframes it to the truth and says well this this isn't, this is not a competition, because you're not choosing to compete, right. Because Ben pointed out what was important to you was the questions, right. So it's like almost as if Ben reminded you, no no no no, this is not through the aggressive drive, look at it through the generative drive. That's what wins out in you, right. And then you go and apply yourself to it.
我不认为那五年里的精疲力竭是巧合——当时我在生成性驱力和竞争之间来回摇摆、无法保持恒定——到那个阶段结束时我完全被掏空了。以一种吸走了很多乐趣的方式。我仍然获得了一些乐趣,但后来幸运的是我能够重新回到出于热爱做事的状态,回到平和、满足,尤其是愉悦。
Um it wasn't a coincidence I believe that in those five years when I was operating from a mix of generative drive and the the competition would then resurface, and you know I I couldn't hold hold it constant, that um I was absolutely exhausted by the end of that phase. I just, in a way that um sucked a lot of the pleasure out of it. I still derived some pleasure, but then as I mentioned fortunately I was able to uh pivot back to doing things out of love, you know, and and and getting back to uh peace, contentment, and especially delight.
那你可能还是会做同样的事,但你会通过攻击性的视角来做。"我要搞他们。"现在你和他们在竞争,你内心有愤怒,有攻击性。你在幻想中与他们对抗,你在想着怎么赢。我们内心有各种各样的东西在运转。
我会说,你绝不可能把科学做得像你实际做到的那么好。不可能。因为所有那些东西都在分散注意力,那种负面情绪消耗你的精力和时间。而且,你会在你所处的小宇宙中播下什么种子?更多的竞争、更多的对抗、更多的负面。
那我们看看你实际做了什么。因为你是健康的——至少在这个特定问题上,我们可以确定——因为你的生成性驱力凌驾于攻击性驱力之上。那你就以一种更有效的方式投入了工作。你的大脑没有被蒙蔽,你没有浪费精力去策划什么报复,或者去想如果他们来从你的实验室抢什么你该怎么办。你不活在那些东西里。
所以你会把对你来说如此重要的工作做得更好。而你在播下什么种子?协作的种子。即使有人说"那有什么关系"——不,确实有关系。因为从数学上往前推演,你所做的是在贡献理解,贡献人类健康。我们对人类健康理解得越多,就有越多人能活下来、保持健康。
那些人可能是我们中的任何一个。就像我们任何人都可能成为被社会践踏或抛弃的脆弱的人。我们每个人都有可能成为那样的人,或者在人生的某个阶段已经是那样的人。我们同样也有可能成为相反的那种人。我们有能力保持生成性。我们有能力做好事,有能力为健康、为生存做贡献。
对此,我要做一个价值判断。这就是为什么做好事比做坏事好,创造比毁灭好,也是为什么最终生成性驱力必须压过其他驱力。当它做到的时候,我们是幸福的、健康的,我们让世界变得更好。我们与自身的感恩和能动性完全合一,它们都在充分运作。我们沉浸在平和、满足和愉悦之中。
正如你所说,那就是我们要到达的地方。从那个地方出发,我们得到了这个我们想要的东西,同时我们帮助让世界变得更好,而这又帮助我们保住了我们想要的东西。
Then you probably would have still done what you did, but you would have done it through the lens of aggression. Like I'm going to get them, right. Now you're competitive with them, there's there's anger in you, there's, you know, there there's aggression, right. That you're you're enacting in fantasy as you're, you know, you're thinking about them and how you're going to win. Like all sorts of things go on inside of us.
And I would say there's no way on Earth you could have done the science as well as you did, right. It couldn't be. Because all that stuff is distracting, right. It's, you know, that kind of negative affect pulls for energy and time from you. And also, what seeds would you have planted in the the microcosm that you're operating? Right. More more competition, right. More competitiveness, more badness, right.
So let's look at what you did do, right. Because you're healthy, or, this particular question about this particular thing, we know for sure, because your generative drive eclipses the aggressive drive. Then you set yourself to the work in a way that's going to be more effective, right. Your brain isn't clouded, you're not wasting energy, you know, plotting some revenge, or plotting what you're going to do if they come take something from your lab. I mean whatever it is, you know. Like you're not living in any of that.
So you're going to do a better job at what's so important to you to do. And what seeds are you sowing then, right? You're sowing seeds of collaboration, right. And even then if someone could say well what does even that matter, right. Say no, it does matter. Because what you're doing then, we just follow forward the math of it, right, is is contributing to understanding, that's contributing to human health, right. And the better understanding we have of human health, the more people stay alive and the more people stay healthy.
Which could mean any one of us. Just like any one of us could be the vulnerable person that society tramples or casts aside. We all have it in us to be that, or have been that at stages of our lives, right. We also all have it in us to be the opposite of that, right. We have it in us to be generative. We have it in us to make good, we have it in us to contribute to health, to survival.
And that, I place a value judgment upon it. It's why doing good is better than doing bad. Why creating is better than destroying. And why ultimately it's the generative drive that has to trump the other drives. And when it does, we're happy, we're healthy, we make the world a better place. We ally with, and are suffused with, the gratitude and agency in us are fully active. And we're suffused with peace, contentment, delight.
As you said, that's the place to be. From that place we get this thing that we want, and we help to make the world a better place, which helps us to keep the thing we want.
然而对很多人来说——包括我自己在某些人生阶段——攻击性驱力的过多或不足、快乐驱力的过多或不足,都可能干扰人们获得这些简单但极其强大的存在状态的能力。
Um and yet for many people, including myself at certain times in life, the the um excess or or lack of aggressive drive, or excess or lack of pleasure drive, can interfere with people's ability to access these these simple but um incredibly powerful um being states.
所以你说,好吧,我们生来就有不同量的各种驱力。是的,确实如此。但我们也有控制力——通过我们的决定,通过我们处理生活的方式——来调节它们。这说得通。因为可能会有人想"驱力就是驱力,不同的人不一样"。不,驱力存在一个范围,而且这个范围可以非常宽。人们可以做各种各样的事来培养更好的一面。我们都可以。
所以如果我们把它看作是有无限上行空间的,那我们看到的就是:我想知道这些驱力现在在我身上是什么状态。我内在发生了什么,所有其他因素是什么?因为我想培养好的东西,我想培养生成性驱力。我想确保攻击性和快乐没有失衡。我们可以主动地审视和管理这些。
我觉得这就是我们在追求的。因为这里没有任何东西是我们完全无法控制的。而且我们越往上走,就变得越简单,我们对它的控制力也越大。
So so you say, okay, we're built with different amounts of all these drives. Yes, yes we are, right. But we also have control, right, through our decisions, through how we handle our lives, to modulate them, right. So that makes sense, because the thought could be well the drive is what the drive is and it varies across people. No, there's a range the drive is in, and that range can be very broad. People can do all sorts of things to cultivate, to cultivate the better. We all can, right.
So if we look at it as an unlimited upside, right, then what we what we see is, I want to know where they're at in me now, right. What's going on inside of me, what are all those other factors, right. Because I want to cultivate the good, I want to cultivate that generative drive. And I want to make sure the aggression and the pleasure aren't out of balance one way or another. Like we can actively look at that and manage it.
And I think that's like, so, what we're striving for. Because there's nothing here that we don't have some control over, right. And the higher we get up, right, the simpler it gets, the more we have control over it.
如果一个人发现自己缺乏动力,或者卡住了——打个比方说正望着窗外那个本可以存在、自己非常渴望的花园,却没有去创造它。这可以对应生活中的任何领域。或者他们甚至不清楚自己真正想要什么,对人际关系、学校、工作、生活无限困惑。还在想所有世界上的压迫力量——政治鸿沟、疫情、封锁,以及所有压在我们身上的东西。
那个人——换句话说我们所有人——在那个时刻应该做什么?停下来,然后呢?
You know if someone should find themselves unmotivated, or or stuck, you know, metaphorically speaking staring out the window into the garden that could be and that they want so very much, but that they're not creating, again that should translate to whatever domain of life you're you're seeking, or not even in touch with what you really want, you know, infinitely confused about what to do in relationship, school, work, life, you know. And and thinking about all the oppressive forces in the world, like the political chasm and the you know pandemics and lockdowns and like and all the stuff and all the the things that are weighing down on us.
What should that person, in other words what should we all do at that moment? You know, stop and what?
所以回到自我的结构、自我的功能。提出关于它们的问题,进行能带来更多自我觉察的练习。把注意力集中在什么对我们来说是突出的。问问自己:我在内心想些什么?我内在的脚本是什么?我在外部关注什么?我是不是整天都在 Twitter 上看那些我明知道讨厌的账号,因为它激活了我内心的某种东西?等等。
So go back to structure of self, function of self. Ask questions about, and engage in practices that bring about more self-awareness. Practices that um draw our attention to what's salient for for us. Ask ourselves, you know, what am I thinking about internally, what is my internal script, what what am I focusing on externally? You know am I spending all day on Twitter looking at accounts that I know I hate because it activates something in me, etc. etc.
这些我们都有。而且有很多东西是一个人可以独自完成的。因为我们可以思考自己,我们可以学习。如果你说"我对防御机制不太了解"——好吧,你可以去读相关资料。我们可以自己做很多事情。
我们也可以从与他人的交流中获得太多。身边亲近我们、爱我们的人,我们可以和他们谈论自己内心发生了什么。这是一种了不起的学习机制。
还有专业资源。好的心理治疗应该涵盖这些内容——这应该就是它在做的事。它可能通过这个视角或那个视角来呈现,因为每个人都不一样,我们可以运用不同的方法。但归根结底,好的心理治疗就是在做这件事——它在查看所有10个柜子,看问题在哪里,跟随线索。
这是一种充满热情的探寻——无论我们是自己在做,还是和生活中的人一起做,还是和专业人士一起做。这是一种充满热情的、跟随线索的探寻。因为如果我们跟随线索,就有答案。如果我们有了答案,就能让事情更好地对齐,然后我们就处于更好的状态。
那些支柱会更稳固,我们可以在上面建造我们想要建造的东西。驱力也会更好地归位。我们能做到这些。而且这可以是一个迭代的过程:如果我们达到了某种更好的心理状态,生活变好了,我们很开心。如果一段时间后事情又有些不对了,回去再看一遍。这是一个可以反复使用的过程,因为它有效,因为它符合我们所理解和学到的真相与现实——数百年来对人类的研究告诉我们的这些。
I have that, right. Right. And there's, right, and there's so much of this that, say, one could do on one's own, right. Because we can think about ourselves and we can learn things. If we say, well I don't really know that much about defense mechanisms, okay, like we could read about it, right. Like we can do a lot of this on our own.
And we can get so much from talking to other people, you know, people in our lives who are close to us, who love us, right. We can talk with them about what's going on inside of us, right. And that is such an amazing mechanism of learning.
And there are also professional resources. I mean like, the good therapy should encompass like, this should be what it's doing, right. It might come out through one lens or another lens, and you know, cuz everybody's different and we can bring different modalities. But ultimately that's what good therapy is doing, right. It's looking in all 10 of those cupboards. And it's seeing, where is the issue? Let's follow the clues.
Like it's a spirited inquiry, right. Whether we're doing it on our own, or we're doing it with other people in our personal lives, or we're doing it with someone professionally. It's a spirited inquiry to follow the clues. Because if we follow the clues there are answers, right. And if we have the answers then we can bring things into better alignment, and then we're in a better place.
Those pillars are more stable and we can build on top of them what we want to build on top of them. And the drives come better into line. That that we can do that, and it can be an iterative process of, you know, if if we we attain some better state of mind and like life is better and like we're happy. Like this happens to people, there's a lot of contentment and peace. And if things are going well and now something isn't as much, go back and look again, right. It's it's a process we can use over and over because it works, because it fits with the truths and the realities as we have understood, learned them, you know, our education, the, you know, this, a learning about humans that across hundreds of years tells us this.
我觉得我们应该讨论这个问题。特别是——至少从我作为非临床人士的外部理解来看——当人们处于高度士气低落、攻击性过度,或者就是无法以自己想要的方式在世界上行动或得到想要的结果时,他们会开始问"也许我有化学失衡"之类的问题。或者他们会去看临床医生——也许是认知行为治疗师或精神科医生——然后很多时候他们会得到多少毫克的血清素激动剂或多巴胺激动剂的处方。
当然,作为一名神经生物学家,我赞赏对大脑底层机制的探索以及多巴胺和血清素等神经调质的参与。但你今天描述的和大多数人去找典型精神科医生或心理学家时所能期待的非常不同。这也是我们进行这次对话的部分原因。
我很想听你对此的看法。我不想让这变成关于我自己的事——我只提这个经历是为了丰富一下之前的讨论。我以前从没公开分享过这个。在我做博士后、经历那段我不想要的激烈竞争、很难保持初心、而且因为搬回了我长大的城市导致一些成长期的问题开始浮现的那段日子。
我记得有一天走到我当时工作的那栋楼的楼梯口——实际上就是我现在实验室所在的那栋楼——发现自己上不了楼梯。我一直身体还算不错。就是筋疲力尽。然后那天开车回家在280公路上,我想"这一切都没有意义,我在干什么,什么都不重要"。也许我只是太累了,我不知道是什么。
但最终的结果是我去找了一个精神科医生,他给了我低剂量的血清素类抗抑郁药。我吃了那个低剂量的血清素类抗抑郁药,好像是 citalopram。然后那天晚上我盯着一盘泰国面条看了大约两个小时。药物对我冲击很大。我讨厌那种感觉,然后就停药了。
这并不是在批评 citalopram 或在适当情境下使用血清素类药物。它们拯救了生命。它们也可能有问题。但那不是最终帮我走出来的方式。最终是谈话治疗和自我关怀。
我提这些是因为,即使作为一名神经生物学家——甚至恰恰因为我是神经生物学家——我当时想"好的,这就是解决方案。它会调整某个内在调节系统然后我就会对自己的处境感觉好了"。谢天谢地它没有奏效,哪怕是短暂地。因为虽然我没有做你今天描述的那些——探索自我功能——因为从来没有人这样给我讲解过,但我走了谈话治疗的路线。我发现谈话治疗非常有益。需要时间,但非常有益。
那么你对目前的诊断策略有什么看法?哪些地方做得好,哪些地方有不足?药物在这个简单又复杂的版图中扮演什么角色?
Um which I think it's only fair to consider, in particular the way that um, at least from my outside non-clinical understanding, um these sorts of situations of high levels of demoralization, or excessive aggression, or just people not being in the place or being able to exert their their um their actions in the world the way they want, or not get the results they want, is they'll start asking questions like um you know maybe I have a chemical imbalance. Or or maybe they'll go to a clinician, maybe a cognitive behavioral therapist or um or psychiatrist, and more often than not it seems they'll get, you know, a prescription for X number of milligrams of some serotonergic agonist, or uh dopaminergic agonist.
And of course as a neurobiologist I I you know I applaud the exploration of underlying brain mechanisms and the involvement of neuromodulators like dopamine and serotonin. But what you're describing today is is very different, I I think, than um what most people can expect if they go to the typical psychiatrist or typical uh psychologist. Which is part of the reason we're having this conversation.
But um I'd love your thoughts on that. Um and I don't want to make this about me, uh I only offer this anecdote as um a way to round out a little bit of the earlier discussion. Uh I've I've never shared this publicly. But when I was a postdoc and going through that very hard phase of competition that I didn't want, and having a hard time staying in touch with that, and there were some other developmental things starting to resurface just by virtue of moving back to the town I grew up in, etc.
I recall getting to the stairway of the building I was working in at the time, which is the same one where my laboratory exists now actually, and realizing I I couldn't go up the stairway. I've always been reasonably fit. Um and just being so exhausted. And then driving home that day on 280 and thinking you know like none of this matters, like what am I doing, like none of it matters. I could have been exhausted, I don't know what it was.
But what that ultimately resulted in was me talking to a psychiatrist who gave me a low dose of a of a um of a serotonergic anti-depressant. I took that low dose of serotonergic anti-depressant, I don't recall which one it was, maybe it was citalopram, would that make sense. And um spent that evening staring at my plate of Thai noodles for about two hours. It hit me really hard. And and I hated that feeling and then just stopped taking the drug.
Um now I'm not, this is no knock on citalopram or the use of serotonergic agents in the proper context. They've saved lives. They can be problematic too. But I just, you know, that wasn't the route that eventually got me out of it. It was it was mainly talk therapy and and self-care.
Um but uh I just offer that because I, you know, I, even as a neurobiologist, I perhaps especially as a neurobiologist, I thought okay here's the solution, right. It's going to shift some internal modulatory system and I'm going to feel okay about the situation I'm in. And thank goodness it didn't work, even for a short while. Because um, while I didn't do all the things that you're describing here of exploring the function of self, because no one has ever laid this out for me, I um I took the route of of talk therapy, which I I find immensely beneficial. Um takes time but immensely beneficial.
Um so what are your thoughts on the current strategies for diagnosis, where those succeed, where they fall short, and and the role of medication in navigating this, you know, simple and yet complex landscape?
也许一种精心选择的药物可以提供多一点的抗压能力,让你能更好地思考然后找到自己的出路。但那显然是一个自我的问题。你处在一个高压的情境中。你要不要进入这场竞争?这对你好吗?你不想竞争但你能避免吗?有什么东西让你连楼梯都上不了。
所以我不是在批评——我不知道你和那个人具体聊了什么。但认为一粒药就能解决那个问题——那是疯了。
药物可以帮助铺平道路。假设你第一次去看医生,他们说"好的,我们得聊聊这个。你生活中发生了什么?因为正常情况下你是能上楼去工作的。为什么现在不行了?我们需要想想,需要谈谈。"
假设你开始做这件事了但遇到了很多困难,或者焦虑水平特别高。那我们可能会说,一种药物可以把温度降低一点,给你多一些抗压能力,然后你可以在内心更好地思考,我们也可以更好地交流。但这是药物在服务于理解。
有时候药物确实在做纯粹生物学的事——比如帮助预防双相情感障碍发作的药物。但我们使用太多药物来处理不是生物学问题而是心理学问题的情况。我们太过度还原了,以至于我们甚至可以过度还原你描述的那个问题。
多么令人着迷——你爬过多少次那段楼梯,现在突然爬不了了?而"我们就给你开一粒药"这个想法——真的毫无道理。但如果我们的还原主义程度足够深,你就能看到这是一个不合逻辑过程的"逻辑"终点。
我再给你举一个例子。这是一个真实的故事。一个年轻女性来到急诊室说她睡不着。她看起来很焦虑,按她自己的描述也非常焦虑。这就是她睡不着的原因。她被开了安眠药,然后回家了。
然后她又来了。几天后她回来了,还是非常焦虑,还是睡不着。看起来和之前没有任何变化。她完全没有睡着过。所以主治医生给了她更高剂量的安眠药。然后她回家了。
然后她又来了。一切都没有变化。她还是睡不着,还是焦虑。然后那个医生得出结论说她是在"寻药"——因为她想要越来越多的安眠药。
实际发生的是——她在家里被伤害。她害怕回家。她当然睡不着。坏事正在发生。但没有人问那个问题。他们想的是"她睡不着,我们给安眠药"。而不是问为什么。
然后她被送回家。当药物不起作用时,"那一定是她的问题"。给她贴上"寻药者"的标签之后,她就不会得到任何帮助了。
所以我不反对药物。我的执业中确实使用精神药理学,我也从生物学角度思考很多事情。但我们必须知道什么是什么的答案,什么不是什么的答案。
在过度还原主义的医疗体系吞吐量导向下,现在培养出的从业者甚至不知道还有别的方式。我不是要过度批评从业者,因为他们往往在不可能的处境中工作——目标就是吞吐量。短期来看这更"高效"。今天来看更高效。但当然除了"今天"之外什么都不好。
有意思的是,即使在"今天"这个时间维度上,它对当事人也从来不是好的。这些决定往往是基于商业和金钱做出的。我理解商业和金钱,我是资本主义者,我对这些感兴趣。但我们已经让事情发展到了这种地步——短视的商业和金钱观与我们对待医学的过度还原主义方式相结合。然后这些荒谬的事情就发生了。
这些荒谬的事情会终结生命。它们会改变人生的轨迹。幸运的是你得到了你需要的,你弄明白了。但如果你没有呢?你还会有现在的职业生涯吗?我们不知道。或者如果没有人想到要和那个女人谈谈看看到底怎么了,她还能活下来吗?我们不知道。
关键是:很多坏事在发生。我们在拿太多人的命运掷骰子。不必如此。而且我们现在的做法不仅在财务上效率低下——也就是我们似乎最关心的那个东西——它还导致糟糕的结果。而且它毫无道理。
我们在通过这种荒谬的视角来看问题。也许我们可以在自身找到改变这一切的力量。以一种真正符合科学和常识的方式来改变。
Now maybe a judiciously chosen medicine could provide a little more distress tolerance, and you could sort of think about it more and you could find your way through it. But clearly it was an issue of self, right. Like you're in a situation that was high stress. And are you going to have to have this competition or not? Is it going to be good for you and, you know, you don't want that, but can you avoid it? Like there's something going on that makes you not be able to walk up those stairs, right.
So so again I'm not criticizing, I don't know what kind of conversations you had about it with the person. But the idea that a pill will fix that is like, that's insane, right.
Now medicines can help smooth the way. So so let's say you you initially went and the first time you see someone they say okay we have to talk about this, right. Like what's going on in your life, and you know, because normally you can walk upstairs and go to work, right. Why can't you now? Like we we need to think about that, we need to talk about that.
Let's say you start doing that and you're having a lot of trouble with it, uh or you're just having really high levels of anxiety. We might say, look, a medicine can kind of take the temperature down a little bit, you know, give you a little more distress tolerance, and then you know we can, you can think about it better inside of you and we can talk about it better. But it's medicine in the service of understanding.
Now sometimes medicines are doing things like, medicines that can help prevent bipolar episodes, right. Like they're doing something that is purely biological. But we use so many medicines for things that are not biological. They're psychological. But we we're so over-reductionist that we could actually over-reduce the problem that you said, right.
Like, a clear, wow, that's fascinating, right. Like how many times have you gone up those stairs and now you can't? It's so interesting. The idea of like, let's just give you a pill. I mean it it really makes no sense. But if we're over-reductionist enough you could see how that's the logical end of an illogical process, right.
And I'll give you another example. And this is really, it's a true story, of uh a woman, a young woman comes into the emergency room, and she says she can't sleep. And you know she looks anxious and she feels very very anxious, uh you know, by her description. And that's why she can't sleep. And and she gets a sleeping medicine and she goes home.
And then she comes back. She comes back a couple days later and she's very very anxious and she can't sleep. And she looks like she did before, like nothing seems to be different. And she hasn't gotten any sleep at all. So the doctor in charge gives her a higher dose of the sleeping medicine. Then she goes home.
And then she comes back yet again. And nothing is any different. She's still not sleeping, she's still anxious. And then the doctor concludes that she's drug-seeking because she wants more and more of the sleeping medicine.
Okay. What was actually going on was she was getting hurt at home. She was terrified to go home. Of course she couldn't sleep, right. Like bad things were happening, right. But no one asked the question, right. They thought she cannot sleep, we'll give sleeping medicine, right. Instead of asking why, right.
And then she gets home, sent home. And when the medicine doesn't work, well now there's something wrong with her, right. And if you put that label on her, now she's drug-seeking, right. Then she's not going to get any help, right.
So I'm not against medicines. I mean I I use psychopharmacology as part of my practice and I think from a from a biologically-based perspective about many things. But we have to know what something is the answer for and what something is not the answer for.
And in the in the overly reductionist world of throughput in in health care systems, people are even being trained these days that don't know any different, right. I'm not trying to be overly critical of practitioners because often practitioners are working in impossible situations where the goal is throughput. And that's more efficient in the short term, right. It's more efficient today, right. But it's of course not good in anything but the today term.
And it's interesting because it's never good for the person, even today. It's like never good for the people in it, right. But but often these decisions are being made based upon business and money. And I I understand business and money, I I'm a capitalist, I'm interested in these things. But the way that we have let things get, the business and money with a shortsighted, short-term perspective, bonds with the over-reductionist ways that we approach medicine. And then we have these bizarre things happen.
And these kind of bizarre things end lives, right. They change the courses of lives. Like fortunately you you know you got you got what you needed and you figured things out. But if you hadn't, would you have the career you have? Like we don't know, right. Or if if someone else hadn't realized like let's talk to that woman and see what's going on, you know, would would she have survived? I mean we don't we don't know.
But the point of that is like, lots of bad things happen, right. There, we're rolling the dice too many times with too many people. And it doesn't have to be that way. And the way that we're doing it now is not only inefficient financially, right, the thing that we seem to be caring about most. It it leads to bad outcomes. And it also makes no sense, right.
We're looking at it through this sort of bizarre lens. Then we may find within us the strength to change that. And to change it in a way that actually fits the science and fits the common sense.
当然还有其他手段,比如行为改变。但这里有一个明确的生物学角色,就像我们用药物来阻止癫痫发作一样。但人们也必须确保自己不是严重睡眠不足,这是另一个部分。我们可以用药物来预防双相发作,但也有自我照顾的部分。不过这确实是药物的角色。
就像如果焦虑水平没有降下来足以让那个人去触及创伤。他们知道有创伤,他们绕着它谈了20年。他们知道它一直在影响自己。他们不确定怎么影响的。很难触及。他们和一个信任的治疗师在一起但还是很难用语言表达。然后可能正在经历恐慌发作。
你会想,好吧,我们可以用药物把温度降低一些,帮那个人更顺利地前进,让他们能够理解某些东西。那会在支柱的那个部分提供解决方案,然后事情就被安置在一个更好的位置。
所以生物学方面——具体来说就是药物——有其位置。但认为药物可以替代理解,这毫无道理。
Now of course there are other things too, use behavioral changes for example, right. But there, but there's a clear biological role, just like we use medicine to stop seizures, right. But people also have to make sure they're not super sleep deprived, there's another part to it too. We can use medicine to prevent bipolar episodes, but there's another part of self-care involved too. But it's it's a role of medicine, right.
Just as if anxiety levels aren't coming down too much, say, for the person to get at the trauma, right. They know there's a trauma, they've talked around it, you know, for 20 years. They know it's been impacting them. They're not sure how. It's hard to go there. They're with a trusted therapist but it's still, it's hard to put words to it. And now you know they're maybe having a panic attack, right.
You think, okay, let's, we can use medicines to take the temperature down, to to sort of ease that person's way forward, so that they can understand something, right. That then provides a resolution in that part of the pillar, and then you know things are set in a better place.
So so so the biological aspect, you know, and specifically here we're talking about medicines, has its place. But the idea that medicines are a substitute for understanding, this makes no sense.
这两个支柱如何向上汇聚为赋能、谦逊、能动性和感恩——作为行动概念、主动概念。最终到达平和、满足和愉悦。
还有生成性驱力这个概念,以及一些可能拉低或遮蔽生成性驱力的陷阱和挑战。你非常清晰地指引了我们所有人应该去哪里寻找,以更好地理解自己,以及在哪里可以做得更好、在世界上表现得更好。
因为这是一个系列,我们有幸能请你告诉我们更多——这个结构如何在健康和不健康的表达中展现出来,在不同的病理状态中——大多数人至少对名称是熟悉的。我相信你会告诉我们更多关于自恋的真正底层机制和表现——极端和温和的形式——焦虑的极端和温和形式,以及那些我们更常听到的诊断名称,比如双相情感障碍、强迫症等等。但这些全都回溯到、真正嵌套在这个自我结构与自我功能以及它们可能走向何方的框架之中。
首先我要说一声巨大的感谢,真的是巨大的感谢,为了……
And how those two pillars flow up into empowerment, humility, agency, and gratitude, again as action terms, as active terms. And eventually to peace, contentment, and delight.
And this notion of generative drive, as well as some of the pitfalls and and um challenges that can pull down on generative drive, or occlude generative drive. And you very clearly pointed us to where we should all look in terms of understanding ourselves better, and where we could do better and be better in the world.
Because this is a series, we have the wonderful opportunity to um have you tell us even more about how this structure plays out, both in terms of its healthy expression and in terms of its unhealthy expression, you know, in different pathologic conditions that you know most of us are familiar with at least in name. And and I'm sure you're going to tell us more about you know what the what the real um both underpinnings and expressions of things like narcissism, in you know extreme and mild form, um you know anxiety in its extreme and mild forms, um and and also some of the uh the names and diagnoses that we're more familiar with hearing uh about, such as you know bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive, things of that sort. Um but that all relate back to and and really are nested in this structure and function of self and where it can all go.
So um first of all I want to say an immense thank you, really an immense thank you, for...
我还要感谢你组建了这个结构,不仅仅是作为教程,而且据我所知,世界上任何地方都不存在这样的结构或这些结构的总结。当然也不存在任何非临床人员和非高度专业训练的精神科医生能够获取和理解的形式。所以这既是一份巨大的资源,也是给我们所有人的巨大礼物。非常感谢。
I also want to thank you for assembling the structure, not just as a tutorial, but because at least to my knowledge no such structure or summary of these structures exists anywhere in the world. And certainly not in any form that the the non-clinician and not, you know, highly trained psychiatrist, uh could ever access and understand. So uh this is both an immense resource and an immense gift to us all. Thank you so very much.
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Thank you once again for joining me for today's discussion, which is the first episode in our series about mental health with Dr. Paul Conti. And last but certainly not least, thank you for your interest in science.